Reminders

I went to my favorite store the other weekend to buy a case of wine. However unfortunately for me, my favorite store happens to be the one at which S used to work.

When I decided to stop, I was near the location of S's old store before he got fired for showing up to work drunk. I thought maybe enough time had passed and maybe it would be okay for me to stop there. But something in me gurgled and knew I couldn't step foot in that place, so I drove 10 miles out of my way to the other location.

I stood in the wine department with an empty cardboard box in hand to fill my case. Above the shelf of the Spanish reds, I saw him. I couldn't remember his name, but he was the old manager of the wine department at the store I specifically avoided.

I was showered and my hair was ironed, so I waved.

He came over to me and I stared at his name tag. "Brandon, it's good to see you. I'm S's old girlfriend," I smiled.

His face lit up and he gave me a hug, "Come here, you're family!" he said.

He kept stuttering about how good I looked. That I didn't even look like the same person I was when I lived with S. I looked happy now. I looked beautiful now.

I beamed, feeling a little self-conscious. I told him I looked like a different person because I am a different person. I told Brandon about my new job and my new apartment and that I felt at peace.

"Yeah, I heard S went through some things. I hope he's doing better," Brandon said. He exemplified the personality of the model employee at that brand of store: outgoing, sincere, tactful.

But I never worked there. "Yeah, he did a short stint in a mental institution and went to rehab for awhile before dropping out."

I saw Brandon's eyes glass over in shock. I probably shouldn't have said it and instead just nodded and smiled, but too late now.

We spoke for a few more minutes. He told me he was happy to see me at this location and for me to come back anytime, and please come say hi to him when I do. He gave me another hug, reiterating how we're family.

He hasn't been the first person to say this kind of thing to me. But he knows me the least and had gone the longest without seeing me, so the change is more drastic to him. And because I don't know him very well, I credit him with being more honest than the others. Friends may say that, and I'm sure they are being honest too, but to feel it feels a little more forced. Brandon didn't have to say anything, but he chose to. And it reminds me that I have come a very long way over the past 10 months and that I am okay.