My mouse hovered over DSW.com. I needed new black patent-leather pumps. The problem I was having, however, was the heel height.
If I chose my usual height of 3 – 4 inches, I would be taller than Abraham. Actually, I would be taller than him in any sort of heel. Barefoot he's got a good half inch on me. But the 2 – 3 inch black heels are just so ugly and so schoolmarm-y.
I don't care that in heels I'm taller than him, but he notices. He always notices. I wore my leopard-print platform stilettos to the bar one night. And while every other girl loved them, Abraham said he hated my shoes because I towered over him. I remember backing him into the corner of the bar and then slipping out of them so he would be taller.
"You're not short," I said. "You're my height, and I'm not short."
"But girl height and boy height are two different things."
So I've been planning out my outfits around heel height. I can wear the gray slouchy boots, but not the black knee highs. I can wear the cheetah-print flats, but not the leopard-print stilettos. Thank god riding boots are in style.
But now it's time for black patent-leather pumps. I can do without platform—I probably have no business being in platforms anyway—but I would like to not be restricted to ugly shoes.
How much do you change yourself for someone? Should I be sensitive to him, or should I continue to buy shoes how I always have?
Can anyone recommend cute flats that don't make my calves look like mush?
11:05 AM
3 weeks ago
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22 comments:
I think that you should wear the shoes that make YOU feel the best. Men are attracted to confident women, so chances are, if you look and FEEL good, he'll soon get over the whole height issue. Or not. Men can get very hung-up on that. But I wouldn't change out all your high heels so as not to offend him.
Have you thought about kitten heels? I'm very short (5'1), so I don't have the being too tall issue, but they are more comfortable for me. Kitten heel sandals for summer are best. Nine West makes point-toe heels (and in black) that I wear to work all the time.
I second the idea that kitten heels are cute. However, I think the more important thing here is what another also said...you should wear the shoes that make you feel good. Maybe be aware of his preference and opt for more modest heels or flats if you can find ones you love, but if the shoe that makes you incredibly happy has a higher heel...get it.
You have to ultimately be happy with yourself and if Abraham cares about you, he will get over this shoe thing and learn to appreciate how AWESOME you look in said heels. ;)
Yup. I'm 5'10". I hear ya. No easy solution here, but definitely wear shoes that make YOU feel good, at least some of the time.
I would say buy what you like. I assume that you are mostly wearing these for work so you could also keep a pair of flats in your car for when you're going to see him if you want to keep his ego in tact.
Echoing Charlotte.
get the shoes YOU want and if they happen to be heels so be it! talk to him about it and let him know that it is not to degrade him in any way. but do go with what feels good on your foot and for your confidence. don't change your style to caress his ego. it's a short-term solution to change now but nothing that sets a good long-term base.
Can Abraham wear some cowboy boots?
My New York Jew? HAHAHAHAHA
Haha...I have the same issue with The Lawyer, and I'm so glad that you're talking about it. He is about an inch taller than me, but girl, I love me some heels! Since dating him, I've only been wearing flats, because I'm more self-conscious about it than him. He finally said to me last night, "I don't care if you're taller than me." I felt like a schmuck, and made some jokes about how he could wear lifts when I wear heels. He was less than amused. In the meantime, I'm working on getting over myself and just wearing my heels already. He's fine with it and I should be too.
BTW, I have no suggestions for cute flats. I'm a flash shoe shopper. Every shoe I own was bought spontaneously, because I liked it or it was on sale (usually both). There is no method to my madness; no favorite stores. (So yes, I am useless. Good luck, though!)
I find flats at Nordstrom's rack. Or try Zappos, they have some cute ballerina flats. Oh and Nine West, they have some pointy toe flats I've had my eye on for a while. Spring floral prints and colors. ASOS has some pastel colored faux loafers, one in mint green that I've been lusting after.
I have this problem all the time being 6'1, so I just work it.
I seriously had to edit out "super cute" three times in that first paragraph.
I've actually gotten some really cute flats at Payless. They don't hold up forever, but it's good for buying trends- I have flats and wedge sandals (small heel) in metallic/bronzey shades and I love them both and both are super comfortable.
Maybe Abe should wear platform shoes. :P
Screw it go with the heels. Billy has a pair of gray knee high leather boots that go great with some of her ex-work out fits.....
I can understand this dilemma. My bf is 3 inches taller than me (I'm short though) so I feel bad wearing heels around him because I have decided he feels bad about being short. But I think it is more myself that doesn't want to draw attention to his height. He does notice when I wear heels and says he feels short once in a while but he also says that I should wear heels if I want to. It's taken me a long time to get used to the fact that he's not tall! There are just some outfits that require a heel! Id continue to wear heels if I were you but maybe not so high.
1. Heels are sexy. Kitten heels are worth a try, see how they look on you.
2. I got my English Muslim wife to go for boots and flannel and a hat - one New York Jew shouldn't be too difficult. :-D
Oh God I know how you feel. I have never really worn heels becuase I know how tall I am and have always felt self conscious. But occasionally there are times when I want to wear them and most of my indulgent purchases have been shoes with 4" heels! :$
Baba is about an inch taller than me at most so I live in flats but my calves look so chunky! I've worn heels with him a few times now but I feel a little self conscious even though I don't think it bothers him! It's tough being a tall girl! :(
In theory I should say, "Wear whatever you want!!", but as a tall woman (almost 5'10") I've spent most of my life in flats. My husband is maybe an inch taller than me and, even I don't think it's a big deal for him, I'm more comfortable in shoes where I don't tower over him. I'm not a fan of kitten heels but there are plenty of cute and sassy flats around. I would recommend flats for everyday wear or if you're going to a sports bar or something similar but if you're wearing a nice dress/outfit (for a special ocassion, dinner at a nice place, or just because you feel like it) then heels is definitely the way to go! I don't think he would mind as long as it's not an everyday thing.
An exboyfriend of mine was my height and he LOVED it when I wore heels.. You know what happened? My posture got all messed up because I was slouching (without realizing it) to make myself not so tall. Ugh!
Sorry for the long message!
I've slouched with boyfriends before too!
Buy yourself a pair of really hot, black "F*** me" stilettos. Wear them with your skimpiest see through lingerie & some thigh high stockings one night for Abraham. Then, when you wear them out on the town with him in your "proper" clothes, he'll be so engrossed in his naughty memories, he won't even be thinking about your height difference!
Cebene
GA
I personally love the simplicity of tom's.
I bought my first pair this week!
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