Therapy, Day 1

Had my first ever therapy session today. My mother set it up without discussing it with me first. I thought I was doing better after the last phone call with Mark. I had some closure to everything- it was easy to think about how much he has changed. I never thought he could be like this. I actually made it a couple of days without crying. Then she springs the therapy on me. Apparently she's been talking to them for days, trying to set me up with it. I felt like it was done behind my back.

As time grew near for me to go, I started getting more and more upset. I would break down for no reason. I didn't want to go- I didn't want to be weak about the break-up. I'm not the first person going through this; this isn't my first time going through this.

My therapist is one year older than me, thinner than me, has been married for 7 years, and has 2 foster children. She possesses everything I want for my life and I resent her a little for it. She isn't going to understand why I don't want to go back into the dating world; she isn't going to understand the broken heart and rejection.

She says that the first session is to learn about me and asks me questions about my family. Then she delves into what my mother said about me while setting up the appointment. My mother told me that all she revealed was that I recently lost both my job and my boyfriend. The therapist, T, says that my mother said I was depressed, had anger issues, and problems with relationships- both inside and outside the family, among other details. All of a sudden I was furious with my mother. I didn't tell T this. I don't know what to tell her. What's the point of talking about the past, aren't you supposed to be helping for the future?