I never wanted to read, "He's Just Not That Into You." I browsed through it on Amazon and decided that everything I needed to know, I learned in the title of the book. But after insistences from several women and my effort to change, I ordered it.
I read it this weekend, and when I finished the book, I promptly cried. Because that is what you do after reading 160 pages of all the ways men can reject you. It really ends on such a sad note, that the statistics are bleak, the odds of finding a guy that will treat you decently are more not than often. Even though it's punctuated with witticisms, "You just bought yourself 2 tickets for the He's Just Not That Into You train," it was wholly depressing.
I kept thinking of Ryan, an ex of mine who fit the part of the Not Into You Boy. It made me feel like our relationship was a farce. That when he told me he loved me, he didn't know what he was saying. We still talk to each other on a weekly basis and he has become a great friend of mine. This book made me feel like none of that was real because Ryan's faults were spelled out on a page for me. I hate this book for taking that away from me.
I know you're supposed to take this book on a basic level. It's a guideline, not a truth. That if this behavior transpires, more often than not the case is he just doesn't like you enough. It plays the Jiminy Cricket to your inner dialogue. So as long as you take it for its themes, it's an alright book. My favorite was to always think of yourself as the rule, not the exception to it; this will prevent you from becoming hurt and fantasizing about scenarios that will never play out.
It's good only if served as a periodic reminder to not make excuses for unacceptable behavior, but nothing more.
12:55 PM
3 weeks ago
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5 comments:
If you have good memories, hang onto them. The bad ones are plentiful. Good ones are rare jewels. Just don't apply the book to those selective things....that's what I say.
I would have said, don't get the book. After a brief read through myself, i too have come to the conclusion that the the main point is the title itself.
The message is positive, don't waste your time when he just isn't that into you. But don't falsly assume that he's not just because he hasn't called or emailed. Women have different expectations and men have different theories of what they should do for their girlfriends.
And i also found that it ruined my thoughts of my ex. He very much disliked me according to the book, but we both know that wasn't the case.
Although I read the book, and recommended it.. it too also made me think differently from my ex (not Cat the one before).. he was the classic long distant, tell you one thing type of guy, and he fit every classification. The difference is knowing how it turned out, I think the signs were completely true. Not to say that he didn't love me, but I think he was conflicted by that love and didn't want to hurt my feelings by being honest of his feelings, so he told me what he thought I wanted to hear. I am sure they were true to a point, but never what he lead me on to believe.
I definitely agree the book is to be taken as a theme, and not dissected into the bible for dating and created as commandments.
I say, if he isn't into you then he's fucking stupid!
Books like these are like a train wreck, you know that you shouldn't look but you can't help it. I had the very same reactions when reading the book as well. It was made worse by trying to think of examples of where that book was untrue and couldn't come up with one - nada. It was just so practically true that it was heartbreaking. I mean I know that some men are not completely typical - that's fine but they are few and far between anyway. So yeah, I feel your pain.
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