One of these things is not like the others

This weekend Christopher packed a bag to spend at my place. I thought it was cute because he lives so close by.

Amongst the toothbrush and t-shirts, he packed:

• His chenille throw that I curl up in whenever I'm at his apartment.
• Doggie snacks for the Femme Fatale, the first dog he's ever really "lived" with.
• 6 discs of DVD porn.

Two out of the three made me swoon. Proved that he thinks about me and things I like, and tried to provide them for me. Two out of the three.

I'll let you guess which ones.

Truths

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good porn collection, will never give it up. It is also universally acknowledged that in my house the VCR is for porn and the DVD player is for movies.

I don't mind. Scott's a guy. Guys like their porn.

Last night we decided to watch a movie and I fired up the ol' DVD/VCR combo, and instead of the DVD player powering on, I heard the distinctive whir of the cassette wheels.

"Oooh! You were watching porn before I got home!" I teased.

"So?" he played it off.

"How many times?"

"Once," he shrugged.

And the great thing about my VCR is the timer tells you how long the tape had been running.

I collapsed into the couch, laughing in hysterics, "21 SECONDS?!?! REALLY?!?!"

Porno al Horno

Er, sorry.

What for?

I just found your porn collection.

Oh. Who cares?

I wasn't snooping.

I know.

I wouldn't have gone in there if I knew that's where it was. I was just trying to help you pack.

Seriously, I don't care. It's no big deal. I haven't even used it since I met you.

You don't have to tell me things like that.

Okay.

(Pause.) So... porn, eh?

Everyone has porn.

I know... it's just where you keep it.

Well I can't just leave it out. It's begging to be used if I leave it out.

I understand that. But--

What?

The oven? Really? That's where you keep your porn?