Girlfriends, Part 1

I've been physically, mentally, and emotionally absent the past couple of weeks. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff and put pretty much everything else on the back burner.

Conor called Monday night. I've mentioned him before, he's my ex-boyfriend-turned-friend from college. He was having a party that night and invited me. I had just gotten bit by a dog and my roof was still leaking... I didn't even look back when I locked the door to leave.

Knowing Conor, a party means BYOB. When he says he's grilling, it means there is a grill in his backyard that someone, not him, can use to cook anything you bring. I brought a box of beer and a package of bratwursts and instantly became a hero because apparently no one else knows Conor like I do and showed up empty handed. I became a minor celebrity for bringing bratwursts, not hot dogs. Hugs and high-fives for everyone.

A guy, moderately cute, began arguing with me over the best way to cook them. After a phone call to a real German, we compromised and he stood over the stove, boiling them in beer before grilling them. He gave me lots of attention, flirting with me and touching my stomach. Finally, I thought, my time has come. For most of the night he followed me around the party, talking to me and touching me. I thoroughly enjoyed the attention. I pretty much know all of Conor's friends and was surprised I hadn't met him before.

Bryan was running to the store for a cigars and I went with him to get more beer. When I was leaving, the new guy handed me some money. I was pleased. It was a nice, thoughtful gesture that I haven't seen in a long time. As Bryan and I disappeared into the darkness, I heard New Guy talking about me to another boy. I smiled.

Bryan and I were making some small talk in his car. I leaned back against the headrest and closed my eyes. It had been seven months since our brief fling. I felt the distance and awkwardness between us. I had seen him a couple of months ago for his birthday. He kept kissing me and Christopher was in the other room...

"So, uh, are you still with Christopher?" he asked.

"Oh God no." I paused, wondering how to handle the question and what it meant, if anything. "It's all good though," I added, trying to sound breezy.

Beautiful and incredible, I thought. That's what Bryan thought I was. I pushed the thought out of my mind.

Back at the party New Guy found me quickly. He and Bryan began a debate of politics and the war. I climbed up on the porch banister and laid out my legs on the railing and quietly drank my beer. New Guy came up to me and pretended to push me.

"Don't! I'll fall" I cried while reached a hand to his shoulder to balance myself.

"I like it how you grab me like that," he whispered in my ear and pretended to push me again, never letting go. "Come sit with us," he said pointing to his empty chair and Bryan.

"I don't have a place to sit."

"You can sit in my lap."

"Yeah, I bet your girlfriend would love that!" shouted the boy I had seen him talk to when Bryan and I left the party.

I stopped smiling and studied his face. "Where's your girlfriend?" I asked evenly.

He pointed to a girl not 3 feet away. Smoking from the hookah, she had not heard any of this. "Right there." And then not missing a beat, "So are you going to sit in my lap or not?"

"You have a girlfriend."

"What if I didn't?"

"There's no point in me even answering that," and I got off the porch railing and walked inside.