~Monday, January 09, 2006

The Player's Ungame, Part 1

I wasn't going to do it.

I wasn't going to start calling my best friend from college every weekend so I would get a chance to hang out with his hot roommate some more. It's too obvious. Both he and Bryan would see right though to me.

But I did it anyways.

Conor was asleep when I called for him. I heard Bryan talking in the background, so I asked to speak with him instead. I have no game in this situation. I absolutely should not be calling.

Bryan sounds excited to hear from me. He said something about me leaving while he was still asleep last weekend. He said he thought I was going to go to the bathroom and go back to bed. That made me feel good. Wanted.

I suggested something about the group doing something that night. He said everyone was going out to play some pool and invited me too. To be honest, the only reason I'd drive up there to go to a pool hall would be to see Bryan. I told him I'd think about it and he may or may not see me there.

I weighed my plans and caved at 11 pm and went to see him. When I showed up, Bryan smiled and gave me a hug. "I didn't think you'd come," he said. I watched them play pool and Bryan always sat by me when it wasn't his turn, although he wasn't flirty.

Afterwards, we all drove back to his house and Conor's girlfriend rode with me. I asked her if Bryan said anything about New Year's Eve to them and apparently he told them everything. Everything. Slightly embarrassing. Now I'm sure everyone knows why I showed up there this week. She went on to say that Bryan would be a good person to "hook-up" with. It's a bit concerning that she said "hook-up" and not "date-" this leads me to believe that Bryan told them he had no interest in me that way.

At the house we began a game of Trivial Pursuit and Bryan and I teamed together. It was 3 couples, it was so cute. I forgot how much I love to be a part of a couple. He and I kicked ass at the game: he got all the filler questions right and I got all the pie questions right. I was just happy I was able to keep up with him. We won.

After the game everyone went to bed. Another roommate asked if I was going to sleep on the couch and brought out a pillow and blanket for me. I never really answered the question and Bryan lingered behind until the guy went to bed. Bryan moved over to the couch and sat with my head in his lap. I knew something was up because we weren't in his room yet. He told me that there was a girl at work he was interested in and that things between them escalated this week. He said things could go either way, but he was torn between her and me.

Once again I stayed silent with him. He looked at me and I laughed, "I'm not going to tell you what to do!" By the way he spoke, I knew I was the second choice. I flashed back 6 years to Luke when I said, "I'm no one's second choice," and refused to date him again after he told me there was another girl. Really, it was just an excuse because I wasn't attracted to him, but for years he always brought that moment up and what a mistake he made.

I knew if I wanted to play the game, I should have gotten up, told Bryan I'm no one's second choice, and went home. I should have. The game is hard, but it always works. Instead I sat there silently and waited to see if I was worthy of being fooled around with. Same situation with Nick all over again.

I asked Bryan if he was dreading this moment all night (because he'd have to tell me about the other girl and make a decision.) He said it was the exact opposite- he was actually looking forward to this moment all night. Bryan began to stroke my hair and told me I was incredible. He said I was intelligent, funny, and interesting. He said multiple times he had a lot of fun on New Year's Eve and that things between us didn't happen because he was drunk. He had been wanting to do that for awhile. I took this as my opportunity to tell Bryan how I felt. I didn't want the same thing to happen with Bryan that did with Nick. I didn't want things to progress sexually without first vocalizing my emotions.

I told him I've had an affinity towards him for awhile. I talked about the first time we met and about the time we talked at one bar and he kept looking into the mirror next to our table every 5 seconds and how it made me think he was conceited. He laughed and said it was more of he wanted to make sure he didn't look like an idiot and, if I wanted, he'd apologize through a mirror to me. We began to laugh and he led me into his room. We snuggled and talked for another hour before falling asleep.


Jenni said...

I don't like that second choice crap either. So the scenario is this: Bryan makes out with you,
Bryan invites you to gathering,
Bryan tells you it's you or some other chick,
Bryan showers you with complements.
Bryan sounds too indecisive.

I can relate to how you are feeling right now. You want so desperately to feel wanted and loved. These good things take time to develop. However, I am the world's most impatient person. So I was always out searching, always trying too hard. It took me many shameful mistakes to realize that Mr. Right was really out there. I just had to be patient. And I was NEVER his second choice. It was NEVER even a question. There is no doubt in my mind that YOU are the same as me in these respects.
Your ego is a fragile thing. Nuture it and don't let any man damage it.
I don't think you should call Bryan back. Make him work for your time. It's valuable and every man needs to realize that.

Anonymous said...

LOL! Jenni I love it!

I wrote the entire story in one sitting, but I just cut it up because it was getting long. You're going to be so proud of me!


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