The boys in my office knew something was off Monday when they didn't hear my usual chatter through the cubicle walls. As one of the two single people in the entire company, my personal life has become an open book for all to enjoy.
Or to laugh at. Usually the latter.
The boy opposite of me, who has recently been spending his days sending me dirty messages through MSN, began yet another IM conversation.
"What's going on with you and your gentleman caller?"
My face reddened at my desk. "I slept with him and never heard from him again," I typed.
I heard him sigh through the partition. A lot of men at my office were encouraging of the older man angle I had taken since most of them are Adam's age. Unfortunately no one foresaw the I-haven't-dated-since-early-90s trap.
"I'm sorry," he wrote. "Someone needs to update him on dating rules. No one does that to get sex anymore."
"I'm pissed I've become a cliche. No. Scratch that. He's the cliche."
"Honesty will get you a lot further these days."
"You know me, I'm not opposed to casual sex."
This is always rewarded with a smiley face from a man.
The guy who spends his days throwing cranraisins and balls of paper at me walked across the office and came into my cubicle and gave me a hug. "Don't be down," he whispered. He disappeared and soon I heard typing again.
Another message from him popped on my screen. "If I wasn't married, I'd totally date you. You're an awesome girl."
"Eww!"
I know it was meant be taken as a compliment, but I hear that a lot: If I wasn't... It feels like constantly coming in second place. Always the runner up. Always the Miss Congeniality.
"Let me try and set you up," he types.
I sighed. "I just can't date anymore. I'm tired. I don't have the energy."
Friday N tried to set me up with one of her friends. He was overweight and had no direction in life. Mediocrity is perhaps the most draining element of all.
Today Mr. Dirty Messenger/Thrower of Objects wandered to my desk again.
"Lunch?"
"Sure."
Second place will just have to do for now.
5:24 PM
3 weeks ago
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11 comments:
how long has it been exactly since you heard from him?
"If I wasn't married, I'd totally date you. You're an awesome girl."
you know, I know this was meant to be a compliment but I *hate hate HATE* when guys say that. Said guy might be trying to be nice but bottom line he's got a wife at home who would probably be *so hurt* that her husband and love of her life just said that to some other girl. :(
Imagine being married to the "If I wasn't married" guy. Being runner up sounds good to me.
(Reiterating what M said.)
"If I wasn't married, I'd totally date you. You're an awesome girl."
It can also be nice guy code for:-
I really want to jump you but I'm seeing someone but if you infer interest and you start something then I'm still nice because I tried to fend you off. I even told you about my girlfriend!. By the way the know a motel if you ever want some privacy to just chat.
Miss Congeniality here too. I've been on the receiving end of 'if i didn't have a girlfriend' but this turns me off them immediatly.
I can't be with men that don't have direction, i don't have the time! It means i may actually have to push them and speak to them more than once a day *shudder*
Oh I can relate! As soon as I here the words "If I wasn't..." I cringe.
And I agree with the others...
I know how you feel about dating - There is so much palaver to go through for such a little result at the end of the day when it doesn't work out.
I'm glad to know that other girls don't like this sentiment either. Makes me feel less petty.
Phil- Oh dear god, are you serious? Y'all cannot be trusted!
Nick- I didn't think too hard on this one because I know I didn't do anything wrong!
I think you should feel glad that you even warrented a "if I wasn't" It's better than the "I'm sure you'll find someone eventually" that I got all my life. I didn't even get to be hot enough for your compliment.
TDG- You've got all that mess figured out by now though!
Maybe if you don't want to date fat men, you should let your friends know before they set you up with someone who is obviously evil for not being in perfect shape.
Coyote Mike- Will do!
If you think I'm going to apologize for not being attracted to men who don't take care of their bodies, than you're mistaken.
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