~Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Valentine's Day, according to Facebook

Schmoozer's BF took a girl to dinner that he had been seeing for a month. She got him a card, a couple bottles of wine, two wine glasses and a wine aerator. He got her nothing.

Mel's boyfriend sent her a beautiful bouquet of flowers to work. They did not see each other, but they scheduled a date for the next day.

Jenna and Government Mule posted hearts to each other's timelines. No usual check in for a date.

Harvey and her husband totally stole Abe's and my date last year and went to Waffle House. Date thieves!

Katie cooked a meal of heart-shaped ravioli and chocolate-covered strawberries. People kept commenting that her boyfriend should propose. He did not respond.

Abraham gave me a single red rose at midnight, the same as he did for our anniversary. He then gave me a pound of Reese's peanut butter cups. I gave him a smaller gift, a giant bacon magnet for his refrigerator.

The next morning I walked to my car to go to work. Sitting on the driver's seat were the remaining 11 roses of the bouquet and a card. The message was simple, which is very Abraham. The card also stated that he would take me to the spa when we go skiing on vacation. When he got home, Abraham received his beard wash and another funny t-shirt.

That night we met up with his roommate and her boyfriend. The four of us grilled steaks and made s'mores by the backyard fire. I didn't mind sharing my date with other people that I loved. All in all, it was a perfect night.

~Thursday, February 07, 2013

Take the Cake

I'm not a big fan of Facebook chat. Mostly the incoming messages startle me while I'm creeping on my news feed. I think the main problem with Facebook chat is that it's never someone you actually want to talk to.

Yesterday it was Christopher. I hadn't heard from him since last Valentine's Day when he sent me a friend request. I had sat on it for a week, accepted it, and then forgot about the whole thing.

His time stamp said he was in Puerto Rico. I'm not sure if you can hack time stamps, but I was wary. He talked about his vacation a bit.

"I see u have a dude. cool," he wrote.

"Yeah! Long time now!"

"Oh yea? cool. Will You let me buy you an awesome ice cream Birthday cake to make up for that birthday I had no money to buy you anything cool? you have to pick it up lol"

Christopher never got it. It was never about the money or not having a birthday cake. Just read the posts if you haven't. He didn't know where I lived. He proclaimed to my 10 closest friends that he just wanted to be a rich playboy. He told everyone he didn't love me. It was his treatment of me that caused me to end things. It was never about the money; it was about me feeling unsupported and alone.

I paused. That was a weird request. Christopher had moved out of the state a long time ago. His current time stamp reads Puerto Rico. It's not my birthday. Why order me a cake?

"That's all water under the bridge now," I typed back. "Besides I'm working out really hard and don't need the calories."

"Too bad you have one ready for pick up tomorrow after 5. I didnt personalize it so your bf wont freak or anything. You can tell him anyone sent it like ur dementia grandma lol"

"I don't keep secrets from him." The truth was Abraham already knew that Christopher IMed me. Abraham knows the story about the terrible birthday.

"That's weird," Abraham wrote to me.

"I know, right? We aren't eating cake right now and there's no room in your freezer, so I guess I'll just dump it at my apartment?"

"Wait. You're going to pick it up?" he asked.

Yes, because free cake? That's where my mind went.

"He doesn't live here anymore," I told him.

"Message me when you get the cake," Christopher wrote.


After work I headed to the gym. Christopher messaged me again.

"Did u get ur Birthday present?"

"I thought it was tomorrow after 5? I'm still at the gym."

"no tonight after 5 my dear"

"Ah well I'm not going to have time until tomorrow. I'm sure it will still be there."

Christopher: "no it has an exploding flavor flav clock on it"

Christopher: "u ruined it all"

Christopher:" u need it tonight!!!"

Christopher: "thats bs"

Christopher: "get ur fin cake lol"

Christopher: "If u dont get that fin cake im gonna flip out!!"

Me: "Dude. Chill. They're going to close before I can get there. Look at the convo. You said tomorrow."

At this point I was getting scared. I haven't spoken to him in years. I don't know if the Puerto Rico time stamps are real. Maybe Abraham was right. Maybe he ordered me a cake to get me to a specific location and time.

Christopher: "Not serious..Im on the beach drinking a pink umbrella drink..but darling Happy Birthday!"

Christopher: "Drinking a Nopalae drink with vodka..tyhis dude needs s breast reduction wtf"

Christopher: "itds pitch dark and i got stung by about 20 jelly fish"

Christopher: "]its kinda fun now when i dont"

Christopher: "im just putting them on my head now
numbing my brain"

Christopher: "sarah write a book about my life..lol"

Consider it done.

~Friday, February 01, 2013

For Love or Money

Every year Abraham goes on a ski trip. As soon as he got back from the last one, he informed me that I would be going on the next one.

"The trip this year is going to be in February," Abraham emailed me and attached a long string of planning correspondence.

"Yeah. Sure. No problem."

I didn't really think anything of it other than my fear of powdered snow. I learned to ski in the South, which consisted of my middle school teacher attaching me to skis and then pushing me down a hill covered by a fake grass mat and a garden hose. I've been skiing a few times in North Carolina, but even that was fake snow. I've never been in powdered snow.

When Abraham added me to the planning emails, I started understanding the cost of things: the plane ride, the rental SUVs, the ski chalet. It would cost $800 just to get out there, not including food and rental equipment and lift tickets or any activity we actually want to do in the Rocky mountains. This was a $1,200 vacation, and we weren't even going to Europe.

I looked at my bank balance. I could afford it. I could write a check for it. But then I wouldn't be able to afford the bedroom furniture I had been saving for when Abraham and I move in together. And when I move in with him and his roommate, it's going to be cramped enough as it is without factoring missing furniture where I was planning to store my clothes. It would be another two or three months after I move in before I could order the master dresser.

While Abraham was sitting on the couch and looking at cabin rentals (minimum requirements: 5 bedrooms, ski in/ski out on the mountain, private hot tub), another email arrived:

"Sorry, guys. Looks like flights went up again since we last checked."

I gritted my teeth. This was getting expensive.

"What's wrong?" Abraham asked.

"I don't go on vacations like this. My vacations are weekends away at friends' vacation houses. Or a $250 cruise. I'm not used to spending this much money."

I dropped my head. "This was my furniture money."

Abraham knew how much I wanted the new furniture. It matches my current bedroom suite and is seemingly only available on the Internet because it's a few years old. The only reason I didn't buy it earlier is because it wouldn't fit in my apartment's tiny bedroom.

"I want you to have a good time and not worry about the money," he said. "I don't want you to not participate in things because it's too expensive. I invited you on this trip; I'll pay for lodging and whatever activities you want to do while we're there."

It was a lovely gesture, but I was embarrassed nonetheless. He's paid for hotels when we've gone to his friends' weddings, and he paid for my airfare when we went to meet his family, but this is different. This is a vacation.

I've always supported myself. My parents never paid a single bill of mine. If I couldn't afford something, I wouldn't go. I'd complain to my mom that I was missing out on things with my friends, and years later I found out that my friend's parents still support most of them. They couldn't afford it either, but did it anyway.

I value my independence. I'm proud of my independence. So it makes me uncomfortable to accept Abraham's money. He jokes that it will soon all be mine anyway. Which does raise a valid point: soon there will be no his and mine, but ours.

In the meantime Abraham pays for certain things and won't accept money from me. I'll write him a check and he won't cash it, so I've resorted to dropping the money in his PayPal account without telling him. I don't want him ever to feel like he's carrying me or that I'm a burden.


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