War

Five years ago last night my first love logged into my e-mail account and read my e-mail. Apparently he'd been doing this for quite some time. And he would continue to do it for another six months after we finally broke up. He found an e-mail from a guy I went to high school with who wanted to know what I'd been up to the past few years at the university.

I was driving over a bridge when he called. I can still point out the exact place on the road.

He yelled and screamed at me unintelligibly. I tried countering with "What the hell are you doing in my e-mail account!?" but he was hollering too loudly. He said that didn't matter. I betrayed him. Why was I e-mailing another boy. Why wasn't he mentioned in my response. I obviously didn't love him.

I turned around on the other side of the bridge and drove back to his apartment. I can't remember specifics anymore, only the volume of his voice screaming at me while I cried on his bathmat, dry heaving over the toilet. I curled up in the corner of his bathroom just hoping to disappear while he screamed. I remember crawling to the corner of the kitchen on my hands and knees sobbing while he threw picture frames at me while the neighbors pounded on the walls.

We entered war the next morning.

However I was already there.