The next morning I steeped my tea bag in my mug and sat down on the couch and rolled my computer to me. I clicked around on a few web sites before landing on my MySpace page. Sipping on my tea, I stared at my Details box. It was time to change my relationship status.
In the end it was my decision to not be single anymore. Yet when it came to the follow through-- announcing the relationship, changing the MySpace status, actually saying the word "boyfriend"--I still wasn't ready. I closed out the Firefox browser and got dressed.
I slipped on my favorite Lucky jeans with my favorite heels, planted my sunglasses on top of my head, and headed out the door. I drove to the motorbike shop where Scott worked this Saturday morning; I owed the shop a check for the damage I did to the bike. It was gay pride weekend in the city and he was busy helping customers who wouldn't actually deck the motorbike on test rides. I waved and took a seat by the counter.
In walked a boyish girl with her father in tow. She sported a white Yamaha bike jacket in the middle of summer as she wandered through the motorbikes. When Scott approached her, she said she wanted a bike to match her jacket. I stifled a laugh. What a tool, I thought.
***
Scott plopped down on my couch and uncapped a beer, "I got asked out today."
"By whom?"
"The girl with her father."
"In the jacket?"
"Yeah, her. It was weird. I told her father that you and I went riding the other afternoon and he asked me later on in the day, 'So what happened with the girl?'"
"Gross!"
"What?"
"That the father is trying to set up her dates."
"I told him twice that I had a girlfriend. And then I'm driving the girls' motorbike back to her house for her and she wanted to ride on the back. I stopped to get something to drink--it was just so hot out today and I was so thirsty--and she asked why we stopped. I told her I needed a drink and she said, 'Oh, I thought it was so you could ask me out.'"
"And what did you say?"
"I didn't respond. I avoided it. And then she's driving me back to the bike shop and she asks for my number."
"Did you give it to her?"
"Yeah, she's a customer. But if she ever asks me out, I'm going to tell her that you and I got back together."
"Back together? We just got together last night."
"It's the easiest way to let her down."
I huffed. I was not happy with the situation. The story hit a little too close to home: I met Scott at the bike shop where he flirted with me and gave me his number. We had been together for less than 24 hours and the boy was handing out his number to other interested girls. Even a giant toolbag who buys a multi-thousand dollar motorbike based off a $100 bike jacket that she wears when she's not actually on the bike.
"I told you before that if I'm helping a gay man, I will act a little more flirty if it gets me the sale. It's the same with girls. If she wants my number, I'm going to give it to her. I'm not actually going to go out with her."
I huffed again and drank from my beer glass. The guy I'm seeing is openly handing out his number--his real number--to other girls. Hmph.
"What's wrong? You and I decided from the very beginning that we were going to be brutally honest with each other. So do it: be honest."
"I'm uncomfortable with you giving out your number to other girls!" I half-choked and half-proclaimed.
"The way you're looking sideways at me, you're skeptical. You're skeptical of this whole relationship thing and I know that. I understand that. I can work with skeptical. But what I can't work with, however, is distrust. You have to trust me. This isn't going to work if you don't trust me. It's the reason my marriage failed. So either you have to trust me or we're not going to do this." He grabbed me and pulled me to him, "Besides you're acting like I get asked out all the time. I'm just a skinny guy; it's flattering when girls like me. And the whole time I worked there you are the only one I went out with."
I was surprised Scott knew I was skeptical of the relationship thing. I guess Tell me when you're sleeping with someone else is a bit of a giveaway. But if he could handle my skepticism and all I had to do was trust him, I guess I had no choice. I had to take the leap of faith.
2:01 PM
1 month ago
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9 comments:
He's a perceptive fella'! :)
And wayyyyyyy into you.
I can't believe he nailed the "trust" issue that quickly. Looks like somebody is getting to know you better than you may even know yourself... :)
he's in one of those businesses where he's acting friendly just to get a sale. It sounds like it's part of the whole dealio. Though having said that I'd be huffy too ;) ahhh girls.
Meanwhile, so you want him to tell everyone about his status but how come you're so nervous about changing your relationship status (especially on somewhere like myspace)? Is there a part of you wondering if someone better is going to come along and you're closing yourself off from that by admitting that you're taken? Is it the trust thing?
Never forget Sarah, you always have a choice...even if the options aren't great. Even if you do nothing...the option you chose was to do nothing.
Beyond that I do agree with Scott that trust is imperative to any and all strong and long lasting relationships...we all know that, we just tend to forget how much we trust the people in our inner circle.
Trust isn't an easy thing to achieve, especially if you're a skeptic to start (which you are). So far he has shown you no reason not to trust him 100%, so far he's also been very open, honest, and frank with you.
I'm starting to warm up to him. I'm still the skeptic of course but that's just me.
On our first date Boyfriend came back from the toilet to find another guy sitting at our table and he had just bought me a drink. See, its sounds terrible doesn’t it? But it wasn’t. . .all innocent on my part. If you are going to be with someone they are going to be interacting with other people (even females). The thing is you have to trust and believe that they are with YOU for a reason. Good Luck!!
Trust is the hardest thing I deal with in my relationship. Even though he's never given me a reason to not trust him, I still freak out (internally) when he does out without me.
It's a self-protection thing. "If I expect that he'll cheat on me, it will hurt less when he actually DOES cheat on me."
Except that this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So, I keep my freak outs to myself now and tell him to have fun and to call me when he wakes up.
It's the heardest thing I've ever done, but so far, it's been worth it.
Amber- He's always able to call me out by my eyes he says. They give away everything. :)
M- Yes! I trust myself not to do anything bad, but can I trust him? It's not so much as closing off other avenues, but opening myself up to get hurt.
M-Joy- You're right. I made the choice to trust him. He has been very honest and up front with me. I guess it's why I chose to let it go.
Drama Queen- You let another boy buy you a drink while you were out on a date!? Tsk, tsk!
Venting- Yes, yes, yes! You understand where I'm coming from!
Tot.ally.
All of it. I'd feel the way you felt, I'd react the same way, I'd be hesitant about putting the honest thoughts out there.
Jukebox is kind of like your man here, where he is trustworthy and honest and understanding of my issues with relationships. I feel bad that it took me so long to get past so many things, but we're still dating and it's still good!
That's my all-about-me way of saying it all sounds great for you right now and I'm happy to hear it!
its a long story. . .and he never asked, he just came over with it after seeing my alone and working out what I was drinking!
:-(
I think that the secret to trust is knowing that if your trust is betrayed, you'll still be okay. You'll be hurt, maybe even devastated, but in the end, you'll survive and you'll move on.
Opening up to being hurt is about knowing that you're strong enough to deal with the pain that comes when someone does actually hurt you.
I see the ability to be vulnerable as a measure of how much trust you have in yourself, not necessarily the other person.
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