~Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Anticlimactic, the way it should be

Scott and I had our first fight while living together.

I walked to my SUV one morning to go to work and saw that the passenger door was cracked open. On the running board was a picture of Scott and I from his nephew's baptism. On the ground next to the tire was the replacement glass I bought to fix my side-view mirror. Inside the truck the glove box was open and papers were everywhere. Someone had broken into my truck.

Wildly I thought back to who had my keys last and if I locked the car. The last thing I remembered was giving Scott my keys so he could search through it to find my flashlight. Perhaps he was the one who made the mess while looking for it. I ran back inside.

"Get up."

"What?" he moaned, still asleep.

"Did you open my glove box yesterday to look for the flashlight?"


"Did you leave it open?"

"I don't think so."

I grew impatient, "Well my truck is a mess and I don't know if you did it or if someone broke in." Reluctantly he got up and got dressed and followed me out to the parking garage. After inspecting the mess, he said he didn't do it and that someone must have broken in.

Only there was no broken glass and the car alarm never went off. It looked like Scott never locked my truck when he was done or had locked it, but didn't close the passenger door all the way.

"Did you lock it?" I frantically asked while searching through the piles of CDs and papers splayed everywhere, trying to decide if something was missing.

"Of course."

"Are you sure?"

"This is what happens when you live in the city."

His response irritated me. It was too dismissive and sounded like he didn't care that someone invaded my space and went through my shit while I was sleeping. It sounded like I deserved it for where we live.

"Are you 100% positive that you locked it?"


"Then why didn't the car alarm go off?"

He got irritated at my constant questioning. He accused me of not trusting him because I couldn't accept that he locked the car.

I then told him to not be so dramatic.

He then said that I'm not very sensitive to his feelings.

I then said asking him whether he locked the car was all the detective skills I had.

We sat down and talked it out before I made my way to work, but things weren't fixed yet. Scott's a person who removes himself from a situation when he gets uncomfortable and I'm a girl with abandonment issues. I didn't know what would happen when I came home from work now that we lived together. Usually he would retreat back to his place for the night and come over after work the next day and apologize. But the safety net of his apartment wasn't there anymore.

When I walked in the door, Scott was parked in front of the TV. He seemed fine. I mustered a greeting and walked into the bedroom. He followed me in.

"Bad day?" he asked hovering over me while I climbed into bed.


"I always know you had a bad day when you get immediately into bed when you get home." I never really noticed that, but I guess it's true. "Listen. What do I need to do to be a better boyfriend?" he asked.

I sighed, "It's not that I don't trust you. I just needed to hear it repeatedly because I was in shock. My truck got broken into and I was panicking." I left out the part where I sat in my truck at work and purposely set off the car alarm three times to make sure it was working properly.

He hugged me whispering, "I'll try and be more understanding, okay?"

I couldn't believe he was apologizing without hearing it from me first. I really was the rotten one in the fight. "I was upset and I needed to yell, and I'm sorry it was aimed at you. You did not deserve that," I said back.

And then everything was okay. Nothing was even stolen from my truck.


Sask Mom said...

Communication is a great thing. It has taken my husband and I about ten years and a separation to figure that out. It seems like you and Scott are better at talking all ready, so good for you!!! And remember, a fight does not mean the end of everything. It is just a fight and people get over it. I'm still working on that one.

dont eat the token said...

I think you and I have the same sensitivities to fights. They suck and if I'm in one unwillingly I do anything possible to get out of it.

You both had time to let the emotions settle and detach from the moment. Always a plus.

I'm glad he apologized and will probably be conscientious (sp?) of your car lock going forward.

One thing I'm trying to learn is to forget about the why. Why/how doesn't matter .. you're right, it's better now and nothing was stolen. Just clorox wipe the handles to rid your truck of the intruder and you're back to the norm!

.... it could've been a case of mistaken truck-dentity. Someone thinking it was their junk until they drunkenly realized it wasn't.

Drama Queen said...

BF and I have a rule never to leave each other or go to asleep on an argument. Seems to cut down on the anxiousness.

Also, the going to bed after a tough day thing. Totally me. And BF always uses that to assess my mood too.

KennethSF said...

Arguments are unavoidable in relationships, but if you can end every argument the way you ended this one, you've got it made.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you both are putting in the effort required to get through the argument and to the other side. I thought it sweet he asked you

Jessica said...

I've had a car broken into and it's very emotionally disturbing thinking of a stranger going through your stuff, his comment about it being down to where you live was a bit insensitive but it sounds like he's realised that and is trying to make up for it which can only be a good thing.

Anonymous said...

(oops - didn't finish that comment!)... how he could be a better boyfriend! :)

AmyD said...

You are such a grown-up with all the grown-up fights and make-up's! YAY you!! :o)

Scott is such a sweetie...you are lucky to have one another!

Glad nothing got stolen (so weird, though...)!!

WiscoBlonde said...

I think you need to have a tiff every once in while to stay on the same page. In my last relationship, we never fought but things ended up imploding at the end because we didn't communicate about anything!

Anonymous said...

Ok I don't know exactly why but this almost kind of bugged me at first. Like odd...how did the thieves get in the car?

And I don't think you were rotten. Not at all. I know Scott is really laid back but still...I'm just surprised in his behavior.

BUT it's true you totally head straight for bed after a bad day. :D
I'm really happy he noticed that. LOL!

Peach said...

yeah, sounds like a healthy one, although I would freak out if someone albeit accidentally left my door, car or house door open, even if in the end he didn't...

Venting said...

Every one has arguments, the important thing is that you talk through them. If you're in a healthy relationship, imho, the arguments are always anticlimactic.


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