Fella'd

This isn't the first time Christopher has tried to come back into my life. The last time—wait, let me stop and laugh here—was right after I met Scott. And I chose Scott. My heart literally hurts because of all the pain that decision has caused me. I remembered Christopher's closed nature and in front of me was a guy I didn't know that was promising the world.

I am now of the belief it's better not to fall for the guy who promises the world. I'm sure there's a song written about it somewhere that I just didn't get around to listening to yet.

I had asked Christopher recently when is last relationship was.

"Relationship? Um, er," he stalled.

"Last time you said 'girlfriend,'" I clarified.

"November."

"Okay."

He paused, "Of 2007."

I mentally calculated the difference in time. It was a few months after he called me. He called me when he was ready. And maybe I would have been ready had I chosen Christopher in 2007, but it turned out I wasn't ready for him. Perhaps it took all of my pain and heart ache to get to the good place that I am now. When I started dating after Jack, it was solely to run away from Jack (I really wished I used real names on here because I'm having a hard time remembering who's whom). I got rid of Scott on my own. It's probably the only decision I've ever made for myself in the dating world.

The fact that Christopher contacted me after two more years of silence makes me think he's ready again. Christopher and I are going away for the weekend in a couple of weeks and I woke M-Joy up to take my frantic call over the great debate of birth control. "You can't do sexy things at the beach with condoms," I justified.

"Do you trust him without a condom [but on birth control]?" she asked.

"Yes, but I already told him I wouldn't be on it unless we were exclusive," I whined.

And she gave me some breezy Cosmo answer. I don't have to stay on it after this month; I can get back off of it. It's not a big deal. I am in control here and can make the decisions. As if it were that easy, and it was to M-Joy.

***

I stared down Christopher on the other end of his cream-leather bachelor's couch. "You seeing anyone else?" I blurted, the tone of my voice a little more accusatory than I meant.

He faced me, wild-eyed. His green eyes were a lot darker than they appear in my head. They looked dirty, not to mention a little scared. I think we were both shocked at my verve.

He was silent and we had unintentionally entered a staring contest trying to gauge each other's intentions. "No," he admitted. "Are you?"

"No."

We turned back to watch TV. It was an answer, but one that really meant nothing. We're not seeing anyone else currently, but it didn't promise anything next week.

The next afternoon I get a text message from Christopher.

CHRISTOPHER: "You getting on birth control?"

SARAH: "You going to be monogamous?"

C: "Umm, yeah."

S: "Good. I already called the prescription in this morning."

C: "Yeah? LOL"

I stared at my phone. Was that it? Did we just have the DTR over text and I now had a boyfriend? My old self would have obsessed over it for 6 weeks before finally getting really drunk and asking him what the hell that meant. My new self typed back.

S: "So you're my fella?"

C: "I guess. LOL only not laughing out loud."

S: "Now what does that mean?"

C: "Defense mechanism."

And that's probably the unsexiest conversation I've ever had.