~Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hips don't lie

The other night I was able to tear the boyfriend away from football long enough to play some Wii Fit. We have a tendency to drink too many beers and decide to play the balance game, or even worse, to do the dreaded fitness test that makes fun of you and tells you how weak your muscles are.

I think I am currently 32 on the Wii Fit and the boyfriend, who had been drinking all day, was 48.

It was time for the fitness test and I loosened the draw string of my pajama pants and dropped them. If I was going to weigh myself in front of the boyfriend, I needed everything that worked in my favor.

I never put my pants back on. I was kind of hot and kind of sweaty from kicking his ass on the hula hoop game. The boyfriend's hips are as rusty as the Tin Man's. I stepped on the Fit for another round. I panted as my Mii danced with 4 and then 5 hula hoops at once.

I stepped off the Fit, pleased that I had broken a new record.

"You made me hard," he said.

"What?"

"Watching you play the hula hoop game with just your shirt and panties on made me hard."

In my competitiveness, I never considered he'd be staring at my ass the whole 3 minutes. If I had known, I would have slipped my wide-leg pajama pants back on.

You see, my ass is my biggest part of me. Whomever I date has to be an ass man. It's not freaky huge, but it's noticeable and makes jeans purchases annoying. And you can't have a full ass with skinny-minny legs. Nope, your thighs are going to be as full as your ass.

And I may have flecks of cellulite in both.

So the idea of my handsome boyfriend, ticket holder to the gun show, staring at my cellulite ass clad in 5-year-old panties (that's right, the pair from Wal-Mart with the elastic fraying away at the sides) while I was gyrating away to the hula hoop game horrified me. Horrifies.

All I can think is that he must really, really like me.

7 comments:

Lpeg said...

Haha. I think men aren't as into perfection as we are. Really. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful, and all I can think is 'yeah right... have you seen MY ass?' When he genuinely thinks I'm beautiful. Crazy boy ;-)

Erin said...

Aww, cute post.

Uggie said...

Who knew that playing Wii in your undwear would be a form of foreplay...I'll have to try that one!

AmyB said...

Yes, he really does seem to like you. And I bet it's the little things like this that make that so. :o) And besides, you know it doesn't take a lot to turn on a man when it comes to their hot woman! :o)

MamaBear said...

I have strong anecdotal evidence that guys just aren't as concerned about perfection as women. They are also very visual, and if they like you, and like, um, being with you, and they see you in a state of undress... oh, yeah.

TexInTheCity said...

You were rockin the five year old underpants and still looked fab! You glow girl!

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Hehe, wow, I dunno how I managed to skip over this post !? I totally understand.. being blessed in the booty area myself :) and of course, it comes with cellulite. But I guess when you're an ass man .. you like a good giggling large butt. I know for sure that this hula hoop routine would've made Miguel hard as a rock (back in the days). lol

 

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