~Thursday, January 28, 2010

Kangaroo Court

It's been a week and a day, and I still have not heard from his lawyer. It didn't occur to me that he might be lying about the subpoena until a friend suggested it. Even though he is a well-documented liar and I know that and I announce it to everyone, I still can't recognize a lie.

I know he has a lawyer because I was in the apartment when the lawyer came over well over a year ago and he signed the papers with him. And I verified it last week through public court records. So this whole situation had enough truth surrounding it that I fell for it yet again. What the lawyer probably said was Call her and see if she will cooperate, otherwise there is nothing we can do. Because, really, this is a civil case and he has to be a dirtbag lawyer to take the sham suit to begin with.

But I did call Little Lizard Insurance company. I just dialed its 1-800 number and they transferred me and transferred me until I was speaking with the actual lawyer on its end of the case. Everyone that I spoke with was delighted to hear from me and I wish everyone spoke to me like that.

Little Lizard's lawyer is located down the street from me. The advantage S has on the lawsuit is that no one really knows a lot about small-engine motorbikes and the laws applicable to them. That's how he was able to lie and get away with it. I explained the information on the police report and decoded the make and model of the bike to him with the actual engine size. I told him where he bought the bike and gave him the address and phone number. I told him who his loan was with and provided their address and phone number. Furthermore, I disclosed that the bike was abandoned and gave him the address where it was located. The bottom line is that S was driving without a license, without insurance and without registration. He shouldn't have been out on the road at all. I provided enough information for the lawyer to make his case without tracing it back to me; I just helped him connect the dots.

I never would have made the phone call had S not drug me back into this with his threats. He brought it upon himself. And if by chance I do ever get served with papers, I have decided I'll bring the letter he hand wrote me from rehab that states he was drinking a case a beer a day.

I did call his step-mom immediately after I listened to the messages. She has no interaction with S, but she told me that his father went to visit him and while he was in the bathroom, he heard S scream at his girlfriend through the phone. It comforted me to know that I didn't cause the screaming or the spitting or the verbal and physical abuse. I often tell myself that I egged him on or that I would stand up for myself or I would fight back and that was why he got so angry. If had been able to be meek, none of it would have happened.

There was a time when I found out he had cheated early on in our relationship and hid it from me for a year. While I was out of town burying my grandfather, he watched my dog. He also brought a 19-year-old girl to my apartment and made out with her on my couch. And I overheard all of this a year later when he was telling his friend on the phone. I got upset. I told him I never would have moved in with him if I knew that. And he spit in my face and told me he hated me and that I was the devil. That's how he acted. He never said he was sorry. I kept thinking Why are you angry with me? You're the one who cheated. I'm reacting to your betrayal in a normal way. Why do you have to continue to hurt me? He never showed any remorse or humbleness for what he did, only anger because I didn't immediately say it was okay.

God, now that I read that, who knows that he just made out with her? He probably slept with her in my bed. And that realization still hurts.

And now he is screaming at Convict Rehab Girlfriend over the phone while she is at work in a bagel shop downtown. It makes me feel a little bit sorry for her. From there, his dad was supposed to drive him over to S's sister's for dinner, but the father told him he was too upset to go and he's not going to bring that chaos to the sister's house.

I don't know, S's storyline doesn't seem that funny to me anymore. He told me I was the cause of all of his problems and the cause of his ruin, but here he is, without me, living in welfare housing with Convict Rehab Girlfriend, and he still sounds equally unhappy to be screaming at yet another girl. It's all a little bit sad and a lot more pathetic.

20 comments:

Julie said...

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, hopefully you can put it behind you soon and move along being fabulous!

La Femme said...

Or, he could be lying about having a girl in the apartment at all. You never know.

Bathwater said...

Yes it is sad, you have done everything you need concerning the court case. Try to continue distancing yourself from him and his family.

Curvy Jones said...

Good riddance to bad rubbish! *Doing a happy dance that he's about to get justice*

The thing about psychotic abusers -- and it's weird how often I've had to say this lately to other people!- is the uncanny ability to make you believe everything is YOUR fault and through NO wrong doing of their own, and every ounce of crazy they feel is because of YOU. When, really, they've been feeling every ounce of crazy for a long, long time because it's festered inside of them, and to make themselves feel better, they've found another kind hearted, clueless person upon which to hang that hat.

I hope-- and quickly-- you're able to find a way to step waaaay back, now that there's probably little chance he'll be back in your life except to taunt you. You deserve to get up every morning and not think about him or remember that pain, and you deserve the security in being able to live your life without looking over your shoulder and without a big ol' shadow. Happy Days should be right around the corner.

S is a broken, needy, psychotic, mentally deranged, vindictive, angry person who has NO powers to hurt you. NONE. He deserves to live in your past and make it on his own as best he can, without Sarah to beat up on.

And God Bless Rehab Girlfriend... one wonders about her state of mind. People rarely get away with so much as a cross look at me, let alone *screaming* at me. Just wow.
I pray for her safety.

Curvy Jones said...

I always type way too much. Sorry!

nic said...

Sarah- I feel like I must write something here after the experiences I've had in my own past, but I just cannot for the life of me think of what to say that will make any bit of difference. I know that when you are ready to be free of "him" and all that goes with him...his family, etc. any form of contact or information about him, you will finally be able to move on.

But for now, I can tell you one very strong bit that I've learned from my past relationship....thinking you're the cause of his behavior only ends up keeping you there. You'd think it'd be the opposite, that it would push you away, but you keep thinking you deserve it and that if you "just do this better or right" that he won't act that way toward you anymore. Please take to heart what I can tell you from my own learning....nothing he says or does is your fault. And his previous behavior toward you isn't about you and is out of perspective with what a normal person would react with. Nothing you could have done or said would have made him act differently toward you. And more importantly, nothing you do now will have him be any different either. Please take care of yourself and stay away from him. I'd go so far as recommend that you drop all ties to his family, friends, or coworkers.

I hope that nothing I've written offends you. I've said too much I'm sure, but I cannot sit by and read something like this without sharing with you what I've learned. I wish you didn't have to go through it and hope you will continue to move on and away. And someday, you won't even want to write about him anymore.

V said...

"What comes around goes around" isn't about random events, but the influence we have over what happens to us in ways that are not always as direct. Sometimes it's not easy to define our own actions as good or bad, nor to know the consequences.

In this case, however, his bad treatment of you has a nice, direct result for him, one that is most satisfying from our perspective.

Hopefully someday you'll escape having to have any contact with him, and these memories will fade.

AmyB said...

It's a LOT sad and VERY pathetic. Thank God you are out of that bullshit. I'm so glad you called the lawyer and dragged that asshole deeper into the shithole in which he belongs. And yes, those are strong words from me, but that dickwad deserves it. I'm so happy to know you have moved on and are safe once again!

Erin said...

I agree with everything nic said. I don't think you are over the situation with Scott. It seems contradictory that you are worried about your safety, but then purposely imbed yourself in his drama. You didn't wait to see if he was lying or not before you reacted.

You weren't responsible for the way he treated you before, but you are responsible for your refusal to let him and his family go. For some reason, you are still dealing with Scott as if he's rational. He is not. I think that him texting you that "he won" set something off in you that made you want to prove to him that he didn't win. You don't need to prove it to him and furthermore you can't prove it to him.

Until you get him out of your life and sever ALL ties to him, you're going to be dealing with this. Take it from someone who knows. Things will be a lot less dramatic once you stop allowing the drama into your life.

Sarah said...

I have to disagree a lot here. I did not purposely insert myself in his drama; I was drug into it when HE called ME and threatened ME with being subpoenaed against my will for not cooperating. That is not inserting myself into anything.

Furthermore, I reacted. Yes, I am an emotional person who is afraid of him, so yes I am going to react when it happens. I cannot blame myself when he changes the game and uses a new tactic where the law is now on his side as opposed to mine. I am a good person who openly struggles with thinking other people are inherently good. Most days it's a good thing to believe; some days it is not.

I write about S because I feel the need to purge it from me. You are only as sick as your secrets, so maybe if I write openly about the true nature of the relationship, I can stop blaming myself. But if this is not longer the right venue for it, then you won't be subjected to it anymore.

La Femme said...

Sarah, this is your blog, and your outlet. Don't let anything anyone says stop you from using your outlet, which you need after a situation like this.

I think it's unfair for anyone to tell you that you aren't over it. Would they be if they were in the same situation? I don't think anyone can understand what it feels like to live in fear of someone like that. Not many people can relate. Obviously.

If anyone doesn't like your progress on this blog, they can stop reading. Don't you stop writing. This is your therapy, not theirs.

Arwen said...

I agree with La Femme!

J said...

I strongly disagree with the statement that you are not over S. You have made so much progress that proves you are over him...yes you are still dealing with the after effects of the relationship but I truly believe that you are "over him." If you weren't you wouldn't have left him in the first place.

He never showed any remorse or humbleness for what he did, only anger because I didn't immediately say it was okay.

You always seem to so accurately capture what I have experienced. that whole bit about his infidelity completely captures what I went through when I confronted G the first time. Minus the spitting and name calling.

You are so strong and every time I read more about what happened I am in awe.

Erin said...

I wasn't trying to be confrontational with you and I'm sorry if it came across that way. I think that you have every right to write about whatever you want to write about. I enjoy your writing immensely and I think that writing things down definitely helps the healing process. I felt I needed to share my thoughts about the situation.

You said that he changed the game on you by threatening you with legal action. But you never waited to see if you'd actually get subpoenaed, instead you went out of your way become involved. I was wondering how this meshed with you wanting to be safe. It is not safe to provoke someone with mental issues. Even though you think that the lawyers already had the pieces of his case, you also must know that you can cite you as giving them this information.

The reason I said I didn't think you were over the situation with Scott (not Scott as a person, boyfriend, etc..., but the drama of the situation) is because of the feeling of vindictiveness that this and the other post about his new girlfriend gives off. If you were over the situation then I don't think you'd feel the need to gloat about his misfortunes. He is absolutely getting what he deserves, but I don't think it's necessarily good for you to cheer on his downward spiral with his stepmom. She gives you information that you would otherwise not know unless you were talking to Scott himself. She is basically as good as talking to him, but without the lies. I don't think you need any thoughts of Scott or hidden spying on what he's up to. The desire to know that information shows that you are not over the situation.

I don't know you in real life, I can only go off of the posts I read. I am not trying to judge you and I apologize if I am way off base. Sometimes I think it helps to have people tell each other what they think, even if it's not 100% accurate because it can open someone's eyes to something they might not be seeing. Again, I'm sorry if I offended you.

gekkogirl said...

Sarah, firstly I hope that you are feeling better now you've spoken to the lawyer & provided the information.

Secondly, I don't think anyone here wishes you any harm. So regardless of whether their comments are helpful or unwelcome, everyone here IS rooting for you. remember that.

Thirdly, this is your place to write about whatever you wish. Just because you don't agree with someone's comment doesn't mean that you should stop writing! We all want to know how you are doing love. Cos we all care.

So... post again soon. Xx

trinity2 said...

While I am glad that you called Little Lizard Lawyer (that's good) I don't think it would be a bad idea to distance yourself from his family a bit. You don't really need to hear about him yelling at bagel girlfriend and so forth. Distance. Time. Healing. Take care of yourself, Sarah.

Sarah said...

I do the best that I can. If the best I can do one day is laugh at the girl that is better than me--if that will help me feel less guilty and shameful for being with him as long as I was--then I am going to do it. My therapist had no problem about it when I told her.

My first priority is my safety, and if that means taking proactive steps to ensure I am not found, then I am also going to do that. Everything with the lawyer was done anonymously.

You may know and understand about some things, but unless you have suffered the exact abuse for the exact length of time, then there is a lot more that you don't know. I do the best I can and I refuse to make apologies for that.

gekkogirl said...

Sarah how you deal with what is happening to you, is totally up to you. Even if someone suffered the way that you have with exact details and timelines they still wouldn't deal with things the way that you are. Because we are all different and our responses and reactions are subjective to us.

As long as you are taking care of yourself, which you are and that you are safe, which you seem to be; then go for it.

You have come a very long way already Sarah, in a relatively short space of time. I marvel at how brave, strong and determined you are to turn things around and make good.

I know you would not let Scott or anyone else jeopardise that. We all do.

love x

Curvy Jones said...

Just leaving a comment that you're in my thoughts and I hope all is well... and if it isn't that you'll reach out. Hugs, CJ

Miss Devylish said...

Wow. He is clearly a problem for himself. You, my dear girl, are beyond him, stronger than him and he's your past.. tho I know it's hard to shake. I hope you just continue to know you're loved and move forward positively. xo

 

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