~Tuesday, March 09, 2010


I went to my favorite store the other weekend to buy a case of wine. However unfortunately for me, my favorite store happens to be the one at which S used to work.

When I decided to stop, I was near the location of S's old store before he got fired for showing up to work drunk. I thought maybe enough time had passed and maybe it would be okay for me to stop there. But something in me gurgled and knew I couldn't step foot in that place, so I drove 10 miles out of my way to the other location.

I stood in the wine department with an empty cardboard box in hand to fill my case. Above the shelf of the Spanish reds, I saw him. I couldn't remember his name, but he was the old manager of the wine department at the store I specifically avoided.

I was showered and my hair was ironed, so I waved.

He came over to me and I stared at his name tag. "Brandon, it's good to see you. I'm S's old girlfriend," I smiled.

His face lit up and he gave me a hug, "Come here, you're family!" he said.

He kept stuttering about how good I looked. That I didn't even look like the same person I was when I lived with S. I looked happy now. I looked beautiful now.

I beamed, feeling a little self-conscious. I told him I looked like a different person because I am a different person. I told Brandon about my new job and my new apartment and that I felt at peace.

"Yeah, I heard S went through some things. I hope he's doing better," Brandon said. He exemplified the personality of the model employee at that brand of store: outgoing, sincere, tactful.

But I never worked there. "Yeah, he did a short stint in a mental institution and went to rehab for awhile before dropping out."

I saw Brandon's eyes glass over in shock. I probably shouldn't have said it and instead just nodded and smiled, but too late now.

We spoke for a few more minutes. He told me he was happy to see me at this location and for me to come back anytime, and please come say hi to him when I do. He gave me another hug, reiterating how we're family.

He hasn't been the first person to say this kind of thing to me. But he knows me the least and had gone the longest without seeing me, so the change is more drastic to him. And because I don't know him very well, I credit him with being more honest than the others. Friends may say that, and I'm sure they are being honest too, but to feel it feels a little more forced. Brandon didn't have to say anything, but he chose to. And it reminds me that I have come a very long way over the past 10 months and that I am okay.


nuttycow said...

You *are* ok and you *have* come a long way. I'm so pleased that other people are telling you too!

Curvy Jones said...

This is true. I meant what I said in my blog post that day when I posted about reading the entirety of your posts. You have come a long way and you should be very proud of yourself.

Breeza said...

Yes! You have come a long way and should be proud of yourself.

2 Drink Girl said...

"Time heals all wounds!" Well, at least I'd like to think so!

Sultana said...

I agree with everyone. This is something to be proud of.

"Julie" said...

ah, best feeling to know you've come out of something and people still care! good for you!

J said...

Love it! You have come a long way!

Anonymous said...

I would seriously question the wisdom of saying what you said about another persons private and personal medical business. Ex-boyfriend or not. Not kosher. At all. Glad you were able to feel good about yourself and your bloggies backed up your abhorrent behavior. Y'all make a great circle.

Sarah said...

1) Protected health information is no longer protected once it is disclosed to a third party. It had long been unprotected by the time it reached my ears.

2) The guy used to beat me up. I stopped caring about his feelings a long time ago.

Miss Devylish said...

You're better than ok sugar.. You've gone thru hell and come out the other side and it's visible. We all have our demons and you've ousted yours.. F'n congrats! Every day is only going to get better. xoxo

Miss Devylish said...

PS - why bother defending yourself to someone who won't even leave their name when insulting you? Abhorrent? Puh-leaze.. Weighing the ethics here - outing medical info or beating up your girlfriend. Yeah.. tough choice which is worse. Put it in perspective already and stop reading if you don't like it.

Bathwater said...

It is nice when someone notices the change in you. I got the exact opposite reaction yesterday and I shocked me. :(

Do let the glow wear of you now okay?

Anonymous said...

You are amazing. Never forget. X


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