~Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Delayed Anger

Christopher returned. It seems like he has some radar for when I leave the state. I was sitting in the back of my father's SUV, sandwiched between my aunt and my step-mother on a quick drive to Hilton Head Island for the day. It's actually quicker to make the journey by boat, but I've read too many local books about people dying in the Port Royal sound, so I won't make the journey (yet. It's coming, I'm sure.)

My phone chimes and it's a text message from Christopher. I open it up and displayed in all of its MMS glory is a picture of an obscenely obese fat woman... or man... I couldn't tell and I deleted it before my aunt could lean over for a quick looksee. And now my phone is forever tainted because that was its inaugural naked photo.

The message made me angry. I don't think that the naked person intended for his/her picture to be sent around like that and I've seen too many Dr. Phil episodes of teens crying and attempting suicide over such a gross misjudgment. So I did what I suspect Christopher wanted me to do. I responded and told him in no uncertain terms did I want to receive any sort of message like that again.

Then he responds, "Sorry about the Homer Simpson pic." No it was not Homer Simpson. Homer Simpson is a fictional cartoon character. He sent me a picture of a living, breathing person that somebody loves. He won't even accept accountability for it.

Let's do a quick recap of Christopher's contacts since I broke up with him in the beginning of May:

  • Called me and told me he was hanging out with a friend from college who coincidentally lived in the area but I had never heard of over the past year. Then he said he won a TV at his friend's pool party. I scoffed and said what kind of guy needs to give away prizes to get a friend to show up for a pool party, so then he changes the story to it was his friend's neighborhood's party, and then he finally admitted it was his own apartment building's party. That was a really long way of writing that he lied.
  • Texted me and told me he was hallucinating off of Cymbalta, which was also a lie.
  • Texted me a photo of an obese naked person.

This is the behavior of someone who is unstable. These stories scare me, because these aren't Christopher stories; they are S stories.

I get that he's desperate and trying things to get me to make contact with him. I know he wants me back. Of course he would. I too would want the only person in the 6 million-person city who would talk to me and hang out with me, occasionally bring over groceries and pay my way every time we went out. I would eat that up.

But I also wouldn't treat that person like crap.

Whenever I do think about Christopher, I get angry. It's some sort of delayed anger that's settled in now that I have had time to reflect back on it. The story that stands out most in my mind is this one. The one where I randomly show up at his apartment and turn on his shower and act all cheerful so I can take him out to lunch and pay for him. And he said no. He got back into bed, ordered me to turn the shower off and told me to leave before he pretended to go back to sleep. That is clearly not the action of someone who wants to be in a relationship with someone else. I remember feeling so hurt that I wasn't worth waking up for and I cried in front of him. Please, please go out to lunch with me. He just closed his eyes and rolled over in bed. Friend or otherwise, I have never had someone care so much about me that he/she shows up at my door when I'm acting depressed (not that I have in a long while, but still.) He said no.

He said no.


He had his chance to be with me and he did not treat me or the relationship with care. If I could go back to that day, I would have stood up, smoothed my clothes and told him that this was no longer a relationship and that I was out. That was the moment I should have ended things. (I also feel like I owe an apology to the commenters who tried to be gentle and tactful, but I didn't see it because I was still emotionally entangled. You were right. I was wrong.)

It all just makes me so angry. I'm angry at myself too for just going along with it. My friends and I are usually only really active in the summer, so I was going long periods of time without them as well. I think if this happened in the summertime, I would have peaced out and met my friends for drinks on the patio and laughed at myself. Instead I let myself get caught up in that craziness.

*Deep breath*

Boys suck.


B. Good said...

I too have had an "ex" contact me with the too little, too late text messages that I am now ignoring. With that said, I've also had time to reflect back to the very moment when I should have ignored his too little, too late behavior the first time (3 yrs ago). But I too was caught up in it all.

The good news is...we're no longer caught up, and that's something to be thankful for. We could still be "lost in the sauce" as they say, and I'm glad that I (we) finally took a stand.

AmyB said...

Ah yes...BOYS do suck! A LOT! And when you finally are with a man who is deserving of your amazing love, you'll look back on these stories and think, "Eh, it was still worth it." I know this to be true. Thank God you're out of that situation and fuming on the other side instead of asking us for advice. You took the right step, Sarah. Pat yourself on the back and keep your pretty head looking forward!

SuvvyGirl said...

"Men are horrible awful creatures and they will ruin your life"...gotta love Weezer from Steel Magnolias :) I'm sorry...but the important thing is that you aren't with him anymore. You were the stronger confident Sara and ended it.

nicole said...

you are right! boys do suck. but don't be too hard on yourself. you live and you learn. you're comfortable in your skin to recognize that he's bad for you, and is showing the same characteristics as s and you're smart enough to stay away from him. that's what matters. i think it's great that you are taking time to love yourself. who needs a relationship? it's good to grow and be healthy alone. then you can welcome guys that are healthy for you when YOU are ready for them to be there.
i'm proud of you.

Breeza said...

Ugh, he needs to go away. Preferably to a different country!
You sound so much healthier than in past posts. I'm glad you're doing so well.
And boys do suck!

Bathwater said...

Yeh! Um no! Well some do... but not all of us. It's easy to give advice. Buy gold! Eat more red meat!

Everyone moves at their own speed and you are still your own best source when it comes to knowing when you are ready. The important thing is look at you now!

Tex In The City said...

I am just glad that unlike with S you saw the crazy with Chris MUCH sooner and has chosen to back away from crazy.

Keep your chin and your boobs up,

Amber said...

Yes... "boys" definitely suck.

When you date a man, you will definitely know the difference. They know how to treat women with RESPECT.

The anger will pass. But for now, I'm just glad it's there. It means that you reconize a problem with his behavior and are seeing you DESERVE to be treated with respect.

Been reading your blog for four years now... so glad to see you in a good head space, even if you're going to be angry for a while.


nuttycow said...

Some boys do suck. You'll find the one that doesn't. Soon. Promise.

In the meantime, enjoy being on your own and finding out who you are and what you want.

Anonymous said...

Don't be too hard on yourself Sarah. His problems are his, even if he won't own them.

You, on the other hand, are and deserve better. It WILL happen - not all boys suck. xxx

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

I've seen a picture circulating on facebook .. of a fat naked person that looks like Homer Simpson.

Maybe this was what he sent you ?


Peach said...

not surprised you're still angry... and for the record I think he was depressed and it wasn't personal. But the key to it all is what you said "I wouldn't treat someone that badly". When I've had depressive states or overwhelming inertia type problems, I have cried with thanks to the people that have cared and do bother, even if I couldn't and wouldn't do what they asked, wanted or needed for me or themselves.

You are a long way away from all this now - you are a gloriously beautiful, wonderful woman.

You're doing some mental, emotional filing. Something's come up that should have been binned with the rest of the stuff you threw away a while ago.

File it: under B for Bin.

Or G for Garbage.

You get what I mean

dont eat the token said...

I was just having this moment today - talking about an ex and kind of incredulous that I "took it." But we have to be gentle with ourselves, we didn't know better, and now we do. That anger is good!

Paige Jennifer said...

Personally, I think anger is better than say guilt or sadness. So in my world, you're doing grand. Just keep moving forward and eventually he'll be so far behind you it won't matter any more.


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