Monday night I was sitting in one of those out-dated sports bars with wood paneling, Golden Tee and not quite enough flat-screen TVs. I was surrounded by Government Mule, Harvey, Swayze and Jenna. I wore a very old Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt a la 1999 that's Jets' green. Everyone else was rooting for the Ravens.
I told the story of my date and asked exactly how pissed off I should be regarding this whole tennis thing. The boys immediately told me that it was actually an exciting match and that I shouldn't be offended. Harvey asked if he paid, and if he did, I should give him another chance. Jenna said no way.
Harvey ordered the next round of Blue Moons. "Sarah, I'm so glad you date so I can live vicariously through you. You," she pointed to the remaining three, "need to start dating. You realize my husband and I are a year and a half away from having kids.
"You know, my husband and I were talking about how this group is asexual--"
I snorted so belligerently that beer went up my nose and I slipped off my chair and into Jenna's bosom. Harvey used the exact same words to express the exact same sentiment.
Laughter died down and everyone looked at me expectantly. "Uh, it's just, you know, I was told I talked about dating too much," I explained.
"Who said that?" asked Harvey.
I dangled a finger towards Government Mule. "When?!" he exclaimed.
"When we were in the hot tub! You were all 'Sarah, you talk about dating too much.'" I slurred the words to emphasize that he had had a few when he said that.
"Wait a minute. The only person drunk in the hot tub was you," countered Swayze. Swayze, however, was asleep in a Lazy Boy when that happened.
"No! He said it! I swear!" I pounded the table.
"Nope, you were just drunk and that's what you decided to hear," said Government Mule smugly. Even though GM and I were the only people present during the conversation, I had lost all credibility.
I swear, he really did say that. But the dating ban has officially been lifted.