~Friday, November 12, 2010

Date #5

I feel dirty.

Two dates in two days at the same cafe. I even wore the same outfit.

After I finished my rant about expats and traveling yesterday, last night I met... another expat who just returned from holiday in Vienna. This one was Hungarian and his accent was instantly detectable. He was also 10 years my senior and smoking hot.

I was 20 minutes late and I couldn't find parking, so by the time I scampered into the cafe, I was flustered. He was sitting alone at a table in the corner with two glasses of water in front of him. I did a check around the bar to make sure he was the only single male and that he was indeed my date.

"Hi," I said as I took off my jacket.

"Do you want to do another lap around the bar?" he asked.

"No, I'm good." I sat down.

"You're 19 minutes late," he said.

"I know! I'm sorry! I had a difficult time finding parking. I was on my the third trip up the street when you called."

"You're paying. When you're 19 minutes late, you pay. Those are my dating rules."

Inwardly, I groaned. He was one of those people with a dry sense of humor. I don't do well with those people because I can never tell if he's trying to be funny or just plain mean. It's not a style of humor that I can work with and do the call and response bit. And should it really be called a style of humor when no one is laughing?

He immediately asked me about my experience on eH and seemed taken aback when I told him he was date #5. He asked how my dates went and I told him about my date with the guy that walked 10 feet in front of me like we were living in Iraq and how he didn't ask me any questions about me. He seemed down on eHarmony, saying that he didn't believe in the matching like the site boasts. Then he told me of a flaw he perceived in my profile.

"Yeah, well I guess I should have started a new sentence," I conceded. I switched topics to Hungary. "Tell me about Hungary. I don't know anything about the country."

"It's a shit hole."

I try again. "What's the landscape like?"

"It's flat."

"Is it sandy or agricultural?"


"I have a really unusual last name, and I'm told it's from the borderland of Austria and Hungary."


"Yeah, you know, where the countries touch, or border if you will."

And he just would not let my use of the word "borderland" go. He said no one actually calls it that and he kept making fun of it. And it made me feel stupid. I'm not a world traveler so I'm not hip on my Eastern European slang. I hate feeling stupid and I hate that this guy across the table from me is acting like I'm stupid. Because I'm not.

Then he started giving me false information just to see if I was smart enough to know better. Thankfully, I caught him every time but he wouldn't let my original mistake go.

I watched as he continued his one-man show about the fucking borderland. I got this guy's number. You know who he is? He's the guy who insults women to get them into bed. They say things like You're pretty, for a tall girl. He'll needle you and make you question whether he's pulling your pigtails like a kindergartner or just generally insulting you. His goal is for women to seek his approval because it seems so hard to obtain.

So I ordered another glass of red wine. If he wants to play that game, I can play it. I have been teased enough growing up that know what insulting is.

We had moved on to electronics. He was telling me that the one nice thing in his house is the stereo setup from his iPad. Apparently he can turn on the upstairs and downstairs systems with his iPad.

I shrugged, unimpressed. "Doesn't matter if you're just going to play shitty music."

He leaned back, "Did you see what you just did?"

"I know exactly what I just did."

"You degraded the entire worth of something based on whether it fit your taste."

"I know."

"When did the tables turn?" The Hungarian was impressed. It also reinforced that he was playing the game.

He spoke of his sister a lot. That was the one redeeming factor about him. He spoke of his sister very lovingly and how great their relationship is even though she's living in Switzerland.

The check came. "Are you going to pay?" he asked. He had been drinking chamomile tea while I had been guzzling merlot. I picked up the bill and looked at it. His tab was $1.99. Mine was $12.00.

I looked at him. "If that's how you want to be remembered, I'll pay. If that's how you want to be remembered."

I put my card down. All of a sudden he was embarrassed. "I'll buy you dinner."

He asked where I parked and walked with me the block or so to my car. At the car, he faced me and pinned me against my car and went in for the kiss. I was so disgusted with myself.

I joined eHarmony to meet a nice guy and have a relationship, but what do I end up doing? Kissing the first bad boy I come across. I knew his game. I knew it. I was not surprised in the least when we get to my car and he tells me how pretty I am. It's what that kind of guy does. He spends the whole night insulting you and throws you one small compliment at the end so the girl can jump up and down and clap Approval! Approval! He likes me!

This guy did not deserve to be kissed. But I kissed him anyway. As he was leaning in, I tried to remember the last time a guy tried to kiss me and I grew sad because it has been such a long time. I wanted to be kissed. Just not by this guy. But he was here in front of me, leaning in, smelling good, looking hot.

He kissed and he kissed. He was a fabulous kisser. I bet people walked by us thought that we were in love and I hated that I gave that impression. I was not in love. I just liked that this gorgeous man wanted to kiss me.

"Dinner Saturday? I'm buying."


I feel dirty.


theperpetualspiral said...

Dirting dating can be fun sometimes :)

theperpetualspiral said...

And of course, that should have read 'dirty'.

Breeza said...

I agree with Perp! And kissing is always fun.

wanderingmenace said...

Good kissing is always fun, so at least there's that.

HomeImprovementNinja said...

A friend of mine used to say that people tell you who they are within the first five minutes of meeting them. People just ignore it and afterwards they look back and see that the warning signs were there all along. So within the first five minutes of meeting him, he made sarcastic remarks, told you that you were paying for the first date, insulted your intelligence based on your word choice and drank tea to keep his wits about him while you drank wine and eroded yours.

If you play the scenario out in your head, it will end badly. Do you really want to pursue this with someone who's that manipulative and obvious about it?

Erin said...

As you said, this guy is playing "The Game." Negging you about your taste and word choice and being ultra aggressive by leaning in for a kiss when you had no connection throughout dinner. You can go on a date with him, but you know that as soon as the situation becomes sexual, he'll never talk to you again. You are too good for the game.

Bathwater said...

I love the way you make him sound like such an asshole and yet you still end up kissing him AND agreeing to a second date. Which only leaves me wondering, does it take, being an asshole?

treacle said...

You can always cancel the 2nd date :P

TC said...

Don't do this. He treated you like shit. You know it. He doesn't deserve any more than that.

B. Good said...

Geez, she already said she felt dirty. She knows he's most likely a dirt bag. But he's a hot dirt bag who wants to take her out and kiss her. Eh, it could be worse! LOL

I say let the good times roll until you meet the nice guy on eH :)

What's that line about kissing a lot of frogs? (somebody help me out)

Curvy Jones said...

Hot dirt bag who insults a lot and then swoops in for the kiss because he knows how to press your buttons... sounds familiar. It also sounds like you recognize it because you've been there before. Tread lightly.

nicole said...

ugh, while some dirty dating can be fun and harmless IF you don't let it develop into anything, i'd have to say it's waaaay too soon to be down for that kind of dating right now. i agree with treacle... it's not worth a second date.

V said...


If you go there, I'm going to give in to the dark side and stop being a nice guy.

Assuming I still am, of course. :)

Oh wait, I must be. I've been celibate for a blankity-blank year.

So, from my perspective as an under-utilized human, I wonder... what's wrong with taking the go-nowhere opportunities while waiting for the right person?

cornflakegirl74 said...

I don't think I have to tell you where this is going (you know yourself) but why not just have a bit of fun with it? Clearly you're on to his game... there's no reason you shouldn't play it right back to him.

It's the bit about him insulting your intelligence that really grates on my nerves though. But you know what? You're not getting married here. He's a hot guy and a good kisser. Enjoy the moment :) Just my two cents.

franzi said...

good kissing - girl, do not feel bad about it! second date? well, i think he'll want more kissing for that ;-) get the most expensive item on the menu. guys like that deserve that!

Les In Tex said...

Girl, get your kiss on! Every frog gets you closer to your prince!

M said...

ohhhhhh this has warning bells ringing all over it. If you must go in, then go in with two very wide eyes open, I think.

Lisa said...

You describe this man: "He's the guy who insults women to get them into bed. They say things like You're pretty, for a tall girl. He'll needle you and make you question whether he's...generally insulting you. His goal is for women to seek his approval because it seems so hard to obtain." Do you really need his approval? You something out of it...some good kissing. Sometimes you just need the press of someone up against you, but don't go any further. Waste of YOUR energy.

bonda84 said...

This is an interesting conundrum. There's that inner urge to beat him at his game and show him how great you are and ultimately he can't have you. It's a game I've played myself....but it's definately a tricky one and I will admit I have yet to really win at it. I would say if the kissing doesn't make you cringe then nothing wrong with using him for a little practice. But keep in mind you know you've already figured him out and don't let yourself be drug into anything more than what you want it to be. Or the second option (and possibly the wiser one) is to just end it with him now. You know what you want, trust your instincts.

Emily said...


I just discovered your blog and I can't even tell you how much I relate. I cannot stand men who insult me, or try to make me feel stupid. It shows they are totally insecure and have no idea what a woman really wants. Oh well, as people always tell me, keep on trucking and the right one will come along when you least expect it.

Anonymous said...

I believe in kissing, even if it's not for love.


P.S. I'm glad you spotted his douche-baggery though. I've been suckered by this kind of guy before. If only for my deep need for vendetta - blow him off forever after he buys dinner!


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