~Wednesday, December 01, 2010

And... scene!

My relationship with The Hungarian has run its course. I think my mistake was taking too long to realize he wasn't playing games. His mistake is that he's completely self-absorbed. Once again, here's a man who says he wants a wife and kids, but doesn't have room in his life (or house) for them.

His house. That's the reason it's over. When he cooked me dinner, I tried to be hospitable and clean up. He told me to just put my plate in the sink. I did and then I cleaned the plate and stuck it in the dishwasher.

He turned around and saw what I was doing.

"What are you doing?" he yelled.

I looked up, confused.

"I told you to put it in the sink. Why are you touching the dishwasher?" He had always barked when he spoke, but now his voice was raised.

Completely aghast, I took the dish out of the dishwasher and put it back in the sink.

"Why did you close the dishwasher door!?" he yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" He stomps in the kitchen and unlatches the dishwasher door.

By this time I had completely evacuated the kitchen and put two pieces of furniture between us: the kitchen island and kitchen table. I was acutely aware that the front door was directly behind me and my purse and car keys were within my reach. I had no idea what was happening or why he was yelling.

"You Americans with your hospitality," he sneered. "I told you to put the dish in the sink. Why didn't you listen to me?"

"I, uh, don't know," I whispered. "My intentions were good." I stood very still and didn't make any sudden movements.

The Hungarian fixes himself another plate and sits back down at the table as if none of this just happened. He gestured for me to sit. I did as I was told.

"If you're going to pout for more than 5 minutes," he began. I halfway stood back up, waiting for him to tell me to leave. "Then we are going to have to talk about this," he finished.

"I grew up very poor," he said. "There was no car, there was no dishwasher..." He had certainly come a long way since then. He drove a brand new Audi and had a BMW motorcycle for the weekends. He lived in a 5-bedroom house in the nice area of town. His house is completely paid off. He had achieved the American dream by anyone's standards. "...I have lived alone my entire life—even my mother would agree—and I am very proud of my things..."

I looked around his kitchen as he spoke. Inside a glass cupboard were six shot glasses perfectly lined up. Everything had an exact place.

"And I don't use my dishwasher," he continued. "They are a waste of time, water and energy."

He got up from the table and walked back to the scene of the crime. He explained to me his life as he hand washed all the dishes. It was not the life I have had. I grew up in this same neighborhood where he worked so hard to live. I have always lived in the upper-middle class bubble. Every label in his house I take for granted because it's always been accessible to me.

"See? All done." He put the last dish in the dish rack adjacent to the sink. I had never even noticed it. He approached me, still sitting silently at the table.

He stood in front me and clutched his heart. "Oh, I am so upset," he joked in a falsetto voice. "I need to go home, have a Valium, a glass of wine, and an appointment with my therapist." Well he had certainly nailed upper-middle class life. "No one has ever spoken to me that way!"

I didn't say anything. That wasn't the problem. The problem is that too many people have.


Bathwater said...

I grew up in a house were we never used the dishwasher. Just throwing that in. I think it is arrogant of him to assume you to understand him before he explains himself.

I also think it is rude for him to mock, what he obviously can not relate too. A simple addendum to his original statement would have kept any of it from happening.

"Just put them in the sink, I don't like using the dishwasher."

I don't trust anyone that can make you feel that uncomfortable so early on.

Anonymous said...

If he is going to get that bent out of shape over dishes you want nothing to do with him.

Jaclyn said...

Run. Run away from this lunatic as fast as you can. Don't answer his calls or emails, just stay away.

Lpeg said...

I think this is the perfect example of why you should just let go and have a go with the younger guy, date #6.

He may just be what you need, as long as he doesn't speak to you like that.

And I'm glad you listened to your instincts immediately. There is no reason for someone to speak to you like that, whatsoever.

Bad Hungarian.

Breeza said...

Wow, what a horrible experience. There was no need to treat you like that. Good idea ending things with him.

Anonymous said...

Well that's one way to end a date.
It's also one way to convince someone you are a serial killer in your spare time who has an aversion to anything out of your own routine.
Clearly, not great dating material.
Glad you're rid of him.

franzi said...

ugh, get away from that guy as fast as you can! and ask date#6 about his take on dishwashers.

Curvy Jones said...

That guy should have been told he had ZERO compatible matches in any country on the planet.

Me said...

For real. Hey, you know when to hit the road. See ya! :)

AmericanBridget (Jones) said...

I'd hit the GAME OVER key instantly. I can only imagine what would happen when you helped him with laundry -- he might pull out the wash board in the back yard and the out door clothes line.

La Femme said...

Okay, am I the only one who would've said "Why do you have a dishwasher if you don't use it? Just get rid of it and you'd have more cabinet space"

Maybe I'm too middle class for my own good, but I say if you have something, use it!

Lauri said...

The way you immediately assessed your surroundings and got ready to jet shows that you can take care of yourself...(fight or flee kind of takes over, doesn't it?)

His reaction to your kindness was completely inappropriate and sent up all kinds of red flags - I agree with Jaclyn - he is a lunatic - just move forward and don't look back...

If his reaction concerning his dishwasher is any indication, his stuff is way more important to him than any person ever will be...

Tex In The City said...

Dear Angry Hungarian,
Sucks to be who? Sucks to be YOU!

Culture clash or not, you just lost a mighty fine lady.

Vszontlátásra (goodbye)

V said...

Yikes indeed.

Everyone has a flaw.

If they're good looking, well off, etc., what's left as a reason as to why they are still single?

Oh yeah, they've got a little personality flaw. :)

Syd said...

Ew, what a chach.

Maura said...

Ass. Hole.

cornflakegirl74 said...

WOW, girl. Grab the keys, your purse, and get the hell out of there as fast as your little legs can carry you. Good riddance to this guy. He gives me the heebie jeebies.

Seine said...

hmm ... this sounds like the Russian, Carrie's boyfriend from Sex & the City. They both are so used to doing things their own way that they don't know how to tolerate another person in their living space.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you found out now - early on before things progressed. There's that saying "When someone shows you who they are, pay attention" - something to that effect. Yeah, I think you payed attention and are moving on.

Anonymous said...

blech. i don't like his mocking!


jo said...

okay that is just plain weird. i mean even if he didn't want to use the dishwasher there was really better ways to say that instead of snapping at you for trying to be nice. and that so called joking tone was just plain rude. he sounds crazy. thank goodness you realised this now and ended it.

Simmarah said...

GEEZ, I thought while reading this. You are TOO GOOD for this man.


© 2005 - 2013 He Loves Me Not
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

template by suckmylolly.com