~Friday, January 14, 2011

A rose by any other name

I smell of Valdosta.

He has a sweet smell, sweeter than mine. I remember the first time I noticed it, I was in my closet folding clothes and I picked up my gray alma mater t-shirt I had worn to sleep in at his place. I couldn't place the scent originally. Later that day, I pulled my coat out of my front closet and put it on. As I zipped it up, the same sweet scent wafted around me and it hit me that it was him.

I spent last night at his place. We ordered Chinese, drank a bottle of wine and watched that Spartacus show on Starz. I watched the main actor, looking for tell-tale signs of lymphoma, which is the reason he's leaving the show. Valdosta leaned towards me, "That's what I'm going to look like by my 30th birthday."

I chuckled. "I'll look better." I've been quietly going to the gym. Nothing motivates me more than a little competition. Unfortunately, the competition is entirely one-sided. Valdosta's New Year's resolution was to get into shape and I knew I had to follow.

"I can tell, " he said. "You look good." He patted my knee, "Time for bed, baby."

While the city was snowed in, Val utilized his time to decorate his bedroom. His diploma now hung on the wall. So did a gold-framed mirror and an M.C. Escher print. I had left a hair clip on his bedside table a week and a half earlier, and I saw it in its same place. I know him now, and I know when I'm not there, he sleeps with a body pillow. I untangled his sheets and saw the pillow inside the bed. I remade the bed and shivered as I crawled in.

He crawled in behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "I missed this," he whispered. "Cuddling with you." He brushed my hair off my neck and kissed the nape up to the tips of my ears. He squeezed me tight.

"I'm used to sleeping with you now," I whispered back. It's true. I miss his shoulder when I'm sleeping alone. "Are you used to sleeping with me yet?"

"I'm getting there," he said.

He's getting there.

And now I'm sitting at my desk at work and I smell of him. This morning I went home and changed clothes, but I didn't shower, so his smell must be in my hair. I like that I smell of him.

This is why I wrote at the very beginning that I'm toast.


La Femme said...

Smell is such a powerful thing. I love the experience of feeling a time or a place just by smell.

Me said...

I remember when the famous "Italian" left for italy...we had had a wonderful, passionate love/romance over 3-4 months and, you know, it was very "come with me to Italy, don't...do...don't...", looking back..oh well. It was what it was.
He didn't want me to bring him to the airport, due to the amount of sobbing and crying we had both done.
But then he called me last minute. And I rushed to the airport, conveniently I lived close.

I walked in and looked for him. And suddenly smelled him. Before I saw him, I smelled him.

What a moment.

Broke and shattered me for months, but damn, that was something.

Arwen said...

sometimes the greatest rewards come after the greatest risks.

Meghan said...

I certainly can't say it any better than Arwen.

D said...

better to be toasted then not heating up at all! :)

I agree with your friends that maybe cuz of your previous post you should start dating others again to protect yourself. Smells aside, it sounds like he's being honest with you and is still sorting himself out without making any promises to you.

Peach said...

Hey you - he's a slow burner, stay with it. You've fallen in love with him - your head's saying oh shit and your heart's already starting to hurt a bit. Love like you've never been hurt. Even if that's all you've ever been. Have courage - be brave, and stay with it. He's the way he is just like you're the way you are, without each other ever having been in your respective pasts. It doesn't sound like someone is trying to mess you up, it sounds like he's trying to love. He's been hurt too,

and you're wonderful. Have faith. Why wouldn't he fall in love with you ?


Anonymous said...

You know, I love Peach's comment. It's perfect.

Simmarah said...

I know how you feel ... I didn't wash my sheets after he slept over two nights in a row. Ahh, the power of smell.

cornflakegirl74 said...

It's so funny how a smell can trigger so many emotions... But I love this post because I remember feeling this way, too, and wanting to envelope myself in the musk of someone else's scent. It's a beautiful feeling.

Peach said it better than I ever can :)

Anonymous said...

I love it when guys smell good and that scent lingers and brings warm fuzzies when you smell it.


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