Relationship Status: Single

Late last week, I picked up my office phone and called Schmoozer.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I finally got the link to my Warrior Dash pictures, but the website is blocked at work. Can you click on the link and tell me if you see anything, like me jumping over fire?"

"Sure."

I heard him type away. "Nope. Nothing yet."

"Argh. Anyway I was looking at more races. Did you know there's another one three hours from here in Tennessee in September? You'd love it. Will you go with me?"

"I don't think I'll be around then," he said.

Schmoozer had been increasingly complaining about Katie. He went so far as to tell a mutual girlfriend he didn't know that well that he wasn't into Katie anymore.

"But you'll still hang out with me after you're gone?!" I whined.

"I want to take some trips this summer. I'm going to be traveling then. That's what I meant," he told me.

Oooohhh nooo. I assumed he was talking about no longer being with Katie. I basically just dismissed his entire relationship.

"Right then. Welp, I gotta go!" I cheerfully compensated. I put the receiver back in its cradle and sank my head into my hands at my desk. I just screwed up. I wonder if he's mad. I debated calling back and apologizing but ultimately decided to sweep it under the rug.

It was quiet in the office; I'm usually one of the last people to leave. I heard my phone quietly vibrate. It was a text message from Schmoozer.

Have you left work yet?

Nope, in a few minutes.

Come meet me at happy hour.

Done.

He couldn't have been that mad if he immediately contacted me back and invited me out. Our office buildings are separated by a bar. That's where I met him.

I walked in and squinted, my eyes not being able to adjust to the darkness of the wine bar. I saw a figure wave and stand up. I assumed it was Schmoozer. I took a few steps and recognized him. He reached down to hug me, then he turned around and introduced me to his eight coworkers. He grabbed another chair and brought it to the table for me. I sat between him and his best friend.

His coworkers were laid back and I immediately fell into step in the conversation. We talked about zip-lining, white-water rafting and Warrior Dash, all things I've done in the last year.

Schmoozer took a swig of his beer and turned to me. "I'm ending things with Katie," he announced. "After the group goes out tomorrow."

"That's been postponed!" I began to laugh at him. "You know Katie moved that outing to mid-July, right?"

He shook his head. "I can't wait that long."

I put my pint glass down and faced him. "What are you going to say to her? Practice on me."

Schmoozer cleared his throat. "Well I'm going to ask her how she thinks things are going--"

I immediately cut him off. "You can't do that. That's asking an open-ended question, leaving her room to say 'I really like you and I'm hoping for more commitment.'"

Schmoozer's best friend cut in. "She's right, man."

"Let me tell you what Valdosta told me, because he did it right. And if this is template break-up language, please don't tell me because I really respected him for it and I don't want that memory tainted."

Schmoozer smirked.

"I'm serious!" I laughed, batting his arm. "Don't tell me!"

"He said when he started dating me he was honest in his intentions and hoped that deeper feelings would develop, but it just didn't happen for him."

"Wait," he said, sitting up straighter. "That's actually really good. Say that again."

I repeated myself. Schmoozer pretended to write it down.

He got up to use the restroom. As I sat there, I realized that I just told my guyfriend that I've known for less than a year how to breakup with my girlfriend of five years. I became somber. I felt immensely disloyal to Katie. And maybe I was disloyal to her. Maybe instead of helping with a gentle breakup, I should have pushed him to stay with her and talk about how awesome she is. But I've been spending a lot of time with Schmoozer over the past couple of months—after Warrior Dash, Schmoozer called me and not Katie to see how it went. I've watched his feelings wane; I knew there was no talking him out of it.

"You're a bad friend, you realize that?" piped up Schmoozer's best friend, verbalizing my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Katie. I thought you were friends with her."

"I was. I am."

I was flustered because I couldn't articulate my feelings. My relationship with Katie is very different than my relationship with Schmoozer. Katie, to my disappointment, is a fair-weather friend. We don't hang out one on one. She's not great at responding to texts, e-mails or phone calls. We don't chat; we see each other in group settings. But, if I was in a crisis, she'd be there for me.

Schmoozer, I spent a lot of one-on-one time with. Not only does he return every text, e-mail and phone call, he also initiates them to me. Lately, I've been confiding in him. When I've fought with various people in the group, he remains impartial and listens. I had an incident with Jenna back in March and I was quickly losing my temper. It was Schmoozer who grabbed me and took me outside, calmed me down and fixed the situation as best he could.

You have different relationships with different people. And Schmoozer is the kind of relationship that we can talk about breakups; Katie's is not.

"I've become closer with Schmoozer," I said lamely. It was neither a thought I knew how to articulate nor a thought I wanted to acknowledge. Just the acknowledgment felt like I was betraying a girl who had never done a single thing to me.

***

The following evening I received a text from Schmoozer.

It is done. I am a free man.