~Wednesday, December 07, 2011

The Others

For a hot minute this fall, the entire group of friends was dating someone.

Katie found a new boyfriend that she described as her most passionate relationship.

Swayze met a girl through Match that he had been quietly seeing during the week.

Mel had met a boy that engaged in long conversations with her and made her feel beautiful.

And I had Abraham.

We were at an away football game, sitting under the comfort of a tailgating tent and sipping hunch punch. We were all a little smug about it. Five years together and this is the very first time we all had someone. We took turns describing how we met our significant others while cooing at the others' stories.

All of our relationships are radically different. Katie met the guy and they hadn't been out of each other's sight yet. Swayze would post on Facebook about going apple picking with his girl. Mel's beau didn't contact her every day, but when he did, he'd pick up the phone for an hour-long conversation. Abraham and I communicate daily, but it's in short bursts through text.

I think we all had envy of the others' relationships. As much as the idea of leaving the city to drive to a farm to pick apples makes me want to gag, it sounds like an adorable couple-y thing to do. That is Pinterest material. Mel had a boy who liked to talk on the phone, raising him to mythical status. They both sound so nice. On the other hand, I think Mel appreciated my constant contact with Abraham. I think Swayze appreciated the comfortable nature of my relationship; we don't have to spend the time and energy on adorable, couple-y things.

Katie's relationship was the first to erupt. Her boyfriend fell out of favor with the group. They're still together, but he's no longer invited around us. Swayze and his girl mysteriously "mutually decided to not see each other anymore," whatever that means. Mel's boy didn't call one week for his famous phone chat and is now wanted by authorities on the grounds of fading away.

Relationships are different. They're different from your friends' relationships and they're even different among partners. You are more or less the same person but each relationship you engage in is unique.

I was with Valdosta this time last year. Valdosta, who never let the current date end without planning the next date. Valdosta, who always said the right things. Valdosta, who never gave himself to me. And I'm looking to the right of this web page and seeing the posts labeled "Abraham" slowly outnumber the posts labeled "Valdosta." Days spent with Abraham have already outnumbered days spent with Valdosta.

Who's to say what's right or wrong in relationships? That there is certain way for them to be conducted?

A coworker of mine recently met a boy who properly asked her out on a second date. He gave her three options to choose from. She refused to choose among them, stating that he's the boy and it's his job to impress her. She never made a decision and he never made a decision and the second date never happened.

I kept my mouth shut, but I thought loudly. Was it worth it? Was it worth it to be right instead of happy? I'd choose happy any day. And I am.


treacle said...

Good on you Sarah. Choosing happy is important.

j said...

Happy is very important. Relationships develop in all manners and you have to do what works best for you.

I think your coworker was silly not to choose. I like the fact that he came up with not one, but three options. Many guys that I have dated can't even be bothered to come up with one option.

Breeza said...

Wow, I can't believe she acted like that. So bratty. Most guys don't have an idea, let alone 3. I think that was great of him.
And yes, happy beats being right anyday.

Rose said...

I agree and, when given the opportunity, always choose happy.

I'm delighted when my boyfriend comes up with a date idea, but I don't expect it. What impresses me is who he is; I've never met another like him.

Bathwater said...

It amazes me sometimes what will causes a fleshling relationship to fail. Someone make a choice, shit that is easy!

I am willing to struggle with a lot more-- for the right person... obviously.

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

Well I'm always right, so the question is really a moot point for me. Hahahaha


I'm happy if a guy even gives me a date option. I seem to be the one who always decides what to do.

Annie said...

yay for you! happiness doesn't just happen.

LMW said...

One day you'll be old and married (if that's what you choose) and you'll have to remember that line...

It is ALWAYS better to choose happy, over right.

Remember that... for every fight you have... remember that... when you know you're right, and can't figure out why you're so unhappy.

You are a smart woman.

crazytownusa said...

Happy and not settling. Win! Win! No one deserves it more than you love.

Eleni Zoe said...

I agree with LMW. It's better being happy than being right. Sometimes, we let our egos get in the way of our own happiness.

Also, I loved this post.

sandra said...

Happy is really, really important. A wise friend of mine once asked, "do you want to be right or do you want to be friends?" and that kind of changed my point of view on a lot of things. Which is not to say that there aren't things worth fighting for...but those should be the big things. Not logistics for a second date.

Another thing? The steady texting is a great sign, in my eyes. My (absolutely amazing) boyfriend and I have talked on the phone...I'd say less than 20 times...in the 10 months we've been together, and he is undoubtedly the best relationship I've ever had. I'd rather know he's thinking of me every day and reaching out in *some* way, and have great chats when we're together, than do all our communicating on the phone.

Tiffany said...

Thanks so much for your blog comments! I was so excited that I called my best friend and said, "Desparate Sarah commented on MY blog!" Ha! :) And yes, I'm football obsessed. The Fiesta Bowl will be my 4th OSU game this year.


The Singleship said...

It's nice to see you happy :)

Charlotte said...

I'm glad you are choosing happy over right. And it's funny how we do this, isn't it? Examine other relationships and secretly envy bits and pieces? The thing is, unless you're on the inside you just never know what is going on. The important thing is to focus on what we have when we have it. Nothing else matters.

I always love your stories :)

Lpeg said...

I'd choose happy over right any day, and I'd be completely wrong if I could have my guy back here with me for a night!

Lpeg said...

I'd choose happy over right any day, and I'd be completely wrong if I could have my guy back here with me for a night!


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