Babes in Toyland

Back in November it felt like I was invited to one of those at-home jewelry parties every two weeks. I think I was invited to four or five in total, including an at-home clothing party.

I sipped my wine. "To get back at y'all for this, I should have an adult toy party," I quipped.

"I would go to that," Katie quickly said.

"I would go only if you threw it," laughed Harvey.

The timing never felt right, however. I put it off for a few months. Then my lady contacted me and told me she was having a special for Valentine's Day. Everything just fell into place.

Everybody RSVP'd: Harvey, Katie, Jenna and a few other girls from our group. I was shocked. There were married girls and single girls and girls with boyfriends. There were girls who had never even used lube and girls who owned collections.

I followed our normal party rules: half the food, twice the booze. It was the booze that united us and helped everyone to relax.

My lady turned my coffee table into a fake-penis emporium. The front of the table was decorated in tubes of perfume and body butter. The middle of the table had your typical bullets, and the back had the big boys. She even suction cupped a fake penis to my TV.

To my surprise, everyone was pretty interested throughout the presentation. We laughed and asked lots and lots of questions. It turned out my asexual group was not so asexual. We went through four bottles of wine as we licked and sniffed and touched.

The angle of the company isn't kinky pleasure; it's female knowledge and empowerment. I was surprised we actually bonded with each other over the experience. The party included only close girlfriends and not acquaintances, so everyone felt comfortable and open. We were able to laugh at the things that stretched our comfort zones.

The lady went back into my bedroom to wait for girls to order in private. We sat around with our catalogs and our pens.

"Does anyone want to split the triple pack?" someone asked.

"I do!" said Jenna and Harvey in unison.

"What do y'all think about this?" I said as I pointed to a page.

"Ooh, I forgot about that," replied Jenna.

"Can I borrow someone's phone?" a girl asked. "I need to ask my husband if we can buy the bondage kit."

We dropped our pens and our mouths. This girl, this is the nice, quiet, good girl. It's always the quiet ones.

Each girl went back into my bedroom to order. I was shocked at the size of the bag each girl left with. We started a contest of weighing each bag to see whose was heaviest, but then every girl dumped her bag in front of her. Seeing the piles spread in front of each girl reminded me of Halloween when my brother and I would dump our bags of candy in front of us and proudly display our spoils.

Because I hosted the party, I ordered last. Just like the jewelry and clothing parties, I received credit for each of my girls' purchases. And because I was the last to go, all the girls brought their wine glasses and goody bags and piled on my bed with me while I ordered.

I had almost $100 in free credit and I managed to spend almost another $100. I looked at the other items I had starred. I sighed. "I guess I'll have to order those next time. Someone else will have to throw a party."

"Mine's in March," Harvey winked.