~Monday, January 09, 2012

The beginning, defined

My absolute favorite part of dating is reaching the stage where you become comfortable enough with the other person and your relationship that you can finally ask for his perspective on the beginning. When you can solve the little mysteries that once plagued you.

"I'm glad you kissed me that night at the bar," I said. "What were you thinking that night?"

"Honestly? I was trying to keep you away from my hips so you wouldn't feel me."

"Ha! I didn't notice anything."

"Then you deleted me," he remarked.

"I deleted the shit out of you! I kept putting myself out there and you kept rebuffing me."

"I did not!"

"I said, 'I want you good and rested and on your A game,' and you responded that you are never rested. That meant you would never go out with me."

"No, it meant I take a lot of naps. You know that.*" It's true though. Abraham perpetually has bags under his eyes.

"I didn't know you were a napper back then." I shifted and looked up at him. "Did you know I liked you? All those nights at the bar?"

"Yeah." I playfully slapped his chest. Abraham continued, "I'm the kind of guy that doesn't make a move until I'm 200% sure though.**"

"And our friends had to get involved and announce that the other person liked us, just like it was middle school. To think we may not have gotten together had they not intervened. I was out drinking with them last week. They were congratulating themselves on their victory."

"If I had gotten you to go home with me that first night," asked Abraham, "Do you think you still would have thrown up the next time?"

"No. I drank too much because I was nervous about seeing you. I don't think I would have been that nervous had I already spent the night," I admitted.

"Dammit!" He paused thoughtfully, "But I did get a bathmat out of it."

"It's a good bathmat."

"It is," he sighed.

*I know that the theory is that guys are simpler than we think they are, and this statement—his retort that his text saying he was tired meant exactly that—is a classic example of this. I am still blown away by this answer. I was asking him out saying I wanted him good and rested. He responded that he was never rested, ergo we would never go out. I can't believe he actually meant he was never rested independently of the context I sent. I can't believe there was another way of thinking. It was this response that made me delete him. If men really are that simple, my complex mind prevents me from empathizing.

**This destroys my theory that if a man likes a girl enough, he will ask her out. Sometimes girls do have to put themselves out there first. 


Red Stethoscope said...

I love your commentary at the end, about how your complex mind will prevent you from ever understanding. I get it, girl. I SO get it. I'm always saying things to The Lawyer like, "I'm sorry I'm so boring, because I have to stay in and study again and you made reservations for dinner and now you have to cancel and that's probably so annoying..." And, he's like, "Let me break something down for you...You're worried about what I'm thinking and what I'm thinking is, 'There's a pretty girl in my apartment! Whoo! And, that's it.'"

Sarah said...

Another perfect example! WHO THINKS LIKE THAT? Not women!

Northern lass said...

'The rules are there are no rules'

Anonymous said...

The only thing that bothers me about all this is you act like you're looking at this relationship with the vantage point of years together and an official relationship status, but you're not. I'm not sure whether you are trying to overcompensate for the lack of security in the relationship by only blogging about things that make you seem like a lovey-dovey couple, but it seems like it. As far as we've heard, no matter how many cute conversations you have when you totally alone with each other, [as far as we know] you still haven't gone out on a "real date," done anything during the day together, or been introduced to any of his friends that aren't kickball people, most notably his best friend that you have never heard of before a week or two ago.

Your analysis of the text may have been right on. HAS he actually taken you out? On a proper date? Dinner, an activity, anything besides meeting up to drink and/or meeting up after drinking? You can't say that your theory about a guy asking you out if he really likes you is false because you can't be sure that this guy really likes you. This may just be an easy diversion. It dosen't seem like he has put any effort into anything that you are doing together. You haven't made this guy work for anything when it comes to you and now he probably won't. Hate to bring up the cliched Sex and the City, but you sound like you are in a "secret sex" relationship.

If you are happy with what you have then more power to you, but don't fool yourself into thinking it's more than what it is.

Anonymous said...

I'm only slightly offended that you think we're simple. We aren't simple, we just think differently. men use logic to make decisions, women base decisions on emotion.

Anonymous said...

that and some of us won't ask a girl out unless we think there might be something there. You women leave subtle hints of interest that we don't always catch in the moment.

j said...

@KingofHearts, that is a pretty sweeping generalization. Not all women base decisions on emotions. Myself, I am very logic driven even in times of high emotion. It really comes down to personality rather than gender. That said, I would agree the more women than men base decisions of emotions.

The Singleship said...

If I were in your position, I also would've thought the "I'm never rested" text meant I was getting blown off. I guess this comes back to the whole "men and women see things differently" thing, but my female brain can't understand how he doesn't see it that way!

Sarah said...

Anonymous, I know your comment was well meaning enough, but the line "You haven't made this guy work for anything when it comes to you and now he probably won't" felt like a low blow. The response was for every Anonymous who seemed hung up on what we were doing while we were having these conversations.

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

As long as you feel secure and wanted in the relationship, and your not the one who continuously sparks conversations or ideas to go out or whatever you kids may be doing, then you don't need to prove anything to any anonymous or identified person.

In regards to thinking his text was initially a blow off, I would have agreed. Thats the way I think in the dating game, and if I had gotten a text like that twice after suggesting a hanging out of some kind I, personally, would have stopped trying.

Thats me though, and thats the stage of dating I am at.

fullmooncrazies said...

I also would have thought that the "I'm never rested" comment was meant as a rebuff. As I say that, it comes with a sad realization that past relationships have led me to that line of thinking.

Anonymous said...

@j you are, of course, correct. What I should have said is "men tend to make decisions based on logic and women tend to make decisions based on emotion". Just different paths to the same destination.

klynne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

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