~Thursday, August 02, 2012


Abraham's roommate was given four tickets to a charity event for the city's conservatory. It was one of those richie-rich events that we wouldn't normally throw our money at, so we were grateful for the free invite.

The event was okay. We all agreed that if we actually paid for it, we'd all be disappointed. But it had an open bar and games to play. The boys headed to the basketball contest. The roommate and I headed to the fortune teller.

I'd been to one before, oddly at another charity mixer years ago. The only thing I remember her telling me was that there would be a lot of boys in my future. I don't know if I ever disclosed this, but someone later spotted her in Barnes & Noble reading a tarot card book. Ha.

This fortune teller boasted that she had read a news anchor's fortune on the air. She flipped a few cards over from a deck I had never seen before. Then she confirmed news that only a few close friends knew about: I was a brand new aunt. For privacy reasons I hadn't posted it on Facebook or Twitter. She asked about the date and I gave one to her. She flipped over another card and corrected the date. She was right.

"You haven't met the baby."

"I have not."

She flipped more cards. "But you will in the next month."

"I am!"

I liked her. So far I was impressed.

"Do you journal?"

I thought of my blog. I confirmed. She told me I will write a book based off my journals and it will be a best seller. I laughed and clapped. I'm a little lazy for that, but the idea is nice.

She asked me if I was divorced. I am not. She asked Abraham's name and birth date and did something with the numbers.

"Is he stubborn?"

Abraham's roommate guffawed loudly. I personally don't see him as very stubborn, but the roommate has about 15 years on me.

"Do you want to know if you'll get married? Do you want to marry this one?"

I nodded wildly. She flipped more cards over. Over and over and over. The marriage card never appeared.

"He's a stubborn one. He won't change his mind for four years. But this love is a miracle in your life."

Then she wrote down the name of a store and told me to go there and buy the kits she specified. If I spent $150 on lavender candles, he'd marry me sooner.

It was the roommate's turn. Oh, her boyfriend is her soul mate. He's flawless. Their love is also a miracle and they will definitely get married. That marriage card appeared so fast. She doesn't even have to buy a kit. Hmph.

I returned to Abraham.

"What'd she say?"

"She said that the roommate's boyfriend is perfect and you're not."

The boyfriend heard and snorted.

"She said you won't marry me for four more years. But they--" I pointed sarcastically at his roommate, "They're soul mates! I have to spend $150 on a kit for you and an additional $50 on a kit to get over my daddy issues. The roommate doesn't have to spend any money," I mocked.

Abraham put his arm around my shoulders.

"Aww, that just means she knows a sucker when she sees one."


Je m'appelle Danielle said...

I love fortune tellers, even though I'm too cynical to actually believe them. Some of them seem pretty good though. Damn gypsies, trying to scheme you.

A fortune that tells you that this love is 'the miracle of your life' is never a bad thing, four years or not.

Dawn said...

I'm glad that you told Abraham that she said four years. Any Jew worth his or her salt will want to prove her wrong and get there quicker!

cd0103 said...

OMG-- his response made me spew my cocktail on the screen.

Anonymous said...

you should've told her you don't need lavender candles; you have me. and i promise to never burn out on you. xx

Bathwater said...

I believe sometimes fortune tellers can see more than the rest of us!

There are very few of them that can though. I love Abe's response!

You could definitely write a book!


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