~Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Worst-Case Scenario

Time flies. It had been some weeks since we decided that my lease that would keep me in my apartment until November 2013 was completely ridiculous. Besides, the Mayans would probably get us by then.

Abraham was going to talk to his roommate, but she'd been out of town for work. And the more we talked about it, the more I warmed to the idea of living at his house with his roommate there. As my mother pointed out, all three of our housing costs would be non-existent.

"We could vacation. In Puerto Vallarta," I dreamed aloud.

"We can vacation in Puerto Vallarta now," Abraham pointed out.

"Yes, but I wouldn't have to take it out of savings. We could just, like, go."

So I told Abraham that I was fine with whatever he and his roommate decided. I could always store my extra furniture in the basement of my mom's house. I was worried about Abraham's closet space, however, because it's no match for my shoes. Maybe I'd have to be a bit more seasonal and store that at my mother's too. But Puerto Vallarta...

My new lease date starts at the end of October. Abraham shrugged and told me to just pick a date. All it was was a matter of me sitting down with my leasing agent.

I hemmed and hawed all morning. Talked to my coworkers. Talked to my boss. Pick a date. Pick a date to leave my apartment, the last place I'll ever live alone. The last place that will be mine. Hand the keys over to my safe haven from the world.

I felt anxious. Just pick a date already! I sat quietly in my car instead of driving to the leasing agent. Why was I feeling so anxious? Because the last time I lived with someone, it was pretty much worst-case scenario. And Abraham didn't know that he would be living with someone who had a worst-case scenario past.

No, I couldn't move in with Abraham until I told him about S. He had the right to know with whom he would be living.


Dawn said...

Whoa! I didn't see THAT coming! But the thing about "he had the right to know with whom he would be living" is that the issue was all "S" -- not you. He was the problem -- not you.

Oh, sweetie...

Englandia... said...

Happy that is finally happening. He has a right to know, so he can keep you safe. And understands.

Mummy Dearest said...

My heart just stopped. He loves you unconditionanally. Do not forget that.

Bathwater said...

It is going to be a lot for him to take in but I don't think it will change anything. It will probably make him a bit more protective of you.

Je m'appelle Danielle said...

I think that if you were to share that history with a boyfriend and he reacted badly, then obviously he isn't the one.

A said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sunshine Junkie said...

:) My money is on his reaction being awe.

To have emotionally worked through such a dark place and emerged strong, still loving and kind is phenomenal. He is missing out by not knowing to appreciate how resilent you are.

Also, while in living with you he might trigger emotional reactions which come from your past experiences, my god that is so far from being 'who you are'.

The Mad Inscriber said...

"With whom he would be living" is incorrect. He knows who he'll be living with.

Explaining to him what happened in the past will help him understand you better, which is a good thing.

Mannie said...

Anyone know what years S was, and whether they are on the blog? I'm starting from the start but I can imagine it taking months to go through it all.

Readyandfading said...

Honesty is the best and only policy when it comes to a relationship as serious as this one. I do believe it will be fine. We ALL have a past! You don't get to be the person you are without one. I once dated someone almost as bad as "S", but we never lived together. That would have been even worse. You are so strong. You have overcome so much. You made it through of the past stuff. You deserve the good you have gotten.

I just have to say this, please do not take it anyway, but from my own experience. I did live once with an ex and he promised me things and never came through. Why change a good thing?! He got so comfortable with simply having me around all the time.

I do think there is power in a ring. Give me one and I will move in with you. Share your closet, be your bed buddy every single night, make this officially official. When you have somewhere else to go, even if it is only for a night once every 4 months, you still have somewhere to go. I know there is more than you share, so I bet you have discussed this, I made the mistake of not being clear prior to moving in. BE CLEAR!

Can't wait to see what happens.

Anonymous said...

He already knows who he is living with - somebody strong, beautiful and smart. I have no doubt that Abe's reaction will be the best one. You are in such a good place Sarah - to give that information willingly. I remember reading ALL of your blog over the festive period 2 years ago. I'm so pleased and proud of how far you have come! Hope everything goes "swimmingly" :)

The Mad Inscriber said...

Mannie: I guess about 3-4 years ago?


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