~Wednesday, May 29, 2013


A girlfriend from my book club asked to join Abraham's and my kickball team. I informed her of the immediate interest from boys in the league. She's fresh meat.

"One guy asked me on a scale of one to ten how crazy she was," laughed Abraham.

"What did you say?"


"What's my ranking?"

"Before or after the engagement?"

I snorted. He had a point.

I feel like Life handed me a big Fuck You since I got engaged. Oh, you're happy? Well let me shit all over it.

Moving was hard, despite hiring movers and taking the entire month of April to pack. I knew it would be stressful, but I didn't think it would make me this miserable. I'm still realizing things are lost or broken. I'm tangled in disputes with the moving company and am considering taking it to small claims court. The company recently offered to replace items that were damaged, but when I went to pick them up, I realized they gave me a fake address. That's just not right. Abraham wants me to drop the dispute for my health and sanity.

We've traveled out of town for four of the last six weekends. I realize what an asshole I sound like complaining about that. "I told my fiancé we simply have to not travel so much." I'd hate me too. But I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I moved and three days later we flew to Florida for a wedding. Then four days after returning, his parents came in town to meet my parents. And that was one of the weekends we were in town. Five days later and we're driving out of town for another wedding. Three days after that, we're at the beach. We have this weekend home, and then we're flying to Dallas. I've barely unpacked. I haven't been home long enough. The first day we were at the beach, I slept. I wasted an entire day. I couldn't even hold conversations with people. I just slept.

All this traveling means other areas of my life have fallen apart. We haven't been home long enough to buy fresh food, so we've been eating out. I haven't had a regular schedule to run, so I'm sure I've fallen out of shape and lost my endurance.

Work has been hell. Normally work is not something that stresses me out, but I've worked overtime every day for the last three weeks in a row. I've just been overloaded.

Not to mention the car accident. I rear-ended an Audi A4 on the way to work one morning. I just gave him my insurance card—let him keep it—because I simply couldn't handle another stressor. Thankfully, he took my card and called my insurance company and got his bumper fixed. I'm sure my premium will go up in the fall.

People tell me I look awful.

I feel like Abraham proposed and I haven't smiled since. I've done a 180 on him. The crazy to which he referred was the night I packed to fly to Florida and cried because I just wanted to sit down. I wanted the chance to be bored. I wanted to eat three regular meals a day.

Jenna texted me out of concern after seeing me last week. I know you're busy, she wrote. Try scheduling downtime on your calendar like you do other activities.

So last night when all I wanted to do was sleep, I forced myself to cook dinner instead of going out. Spaghetti, but it counts. Then I unpacked a single box. After that I knit for an hour and showered and went to bed. The difference is noticeable. I feel like I actually got something done and did something for myself. I think I'll just focus on the small steps, even if it means a blog post is a whiny, self-indulgent one.

Tonight I'll try and unpack my luggage before we have to pack it back up again.


MissM said...

Ugh crazy crazy life! Take care of you!

Tiffany said...

Ugh, hang in there, Sarah! I am going through the same thing (minus the fiance, but plus a long distance relationship) and yesterday I pretty much had a nervous breakdown after fighting with three different companies all day, my oven literally catching fire--like call 911 fire--and then laying on my floor bawling. It can only get better from here!


Anonymous said...

Take a deep breath lady, you can do this!!! I had the same problem when I lived with my last boyfriend. I had to plan boring weekends. And I was much happier once I had one every few weeks. Keep taking those little steps during the week and do what you can, it will all fall into place again.

As for the movers...I totally understand wanting to take it to court. I also understand Abraham's viewpoint....I'd take them up on a payment, and skip the small claims court, but that's just me.

Bathwater said...

These things can be worked out. I agree about the movers, you might want to drop it for your sanity.

Anonymous said...

I totally understand. At some point, I just have to say no to the incessant traveling because it wears me the eff out. People are disappointed but a whole lot more disappointed if I show up being a total bitch from my lack of sleep and me time. Just. say. no. Hope things get better. The moving thing sounds AWFUL. Write a blog post about this moving company and what they did - using their name and all. It's amazing the attention you get once you post that shit on social media. I just did it. Worked like a charm.

Danielle said...

I would report them to the Better business bureau, although I'm not sure they exist anymore? Who knows, probably on Furlough or something. I think that it could be a break for sanity to not pursue it in court, but after they messed up your stuff, then when trying to work it out sent you to the wrong address??? Oh, NO MA'AM! You are gonna pay me all the money you owe me, then I will still drag your companies name through the mud. I'm a "on principal" kind of girl.

When it rains it pours. In a few months you may be bored out of your mind in routine. Taking scheduled time to do things, even if its nothing, or wasting time on Pinterest, is worth it. So what if the dishes don't get done.

Readyandfading said...

If I do not get my DT = Down Time....I go totally CRAY! I understand this post completely. I hope there is more pasta, couch, remote, and sleep in your future!

Peach said...

Hang in there - and so sorry to hear about the rubbish move ... hopefully some time to catch up with yourself will arise soon xx

M said...

If it makes you feel any better, please be assured that others, put in your shoes, would react the same way! I know I would. If I don't have my chill time I flip out too. At least you know you have a guy that loves you! And he knows the normal you. Hope you feel better soon!

D said...

You know how there are rich people problems? Like Taylor Swift buying a new 18 million dollar home and then getting upset about people walking on the public beach that's next to her house? There's also happy people problems...that's what you have. You're having to travel a lot recently, not for work or a sick relative or friend...but because life is happening. You're busy. Family spending more time with family etc. This crazy time is going to just keep happening because your life is changing and merging with another. These aren't really bad problems, it's life. Say no to things and don't feel bad about saying no.

Red Stethoscope said...

Oh, honey. I feel you on all of this. When I was engaged to a certain banker, we were traveling or having company every weekend for MONTHS. It was horrible and exhausting. Nothing was ever in order. There was no schedule. Laundry and cleaning were done haphazardly and not well. You definitely need a break. It's OK to say no, or to send Abraham to appearances without you. Having downtime/sleep/exercise is really important...don't apologize to anyone for prioritizing it.

M said...

breathe.. you can get through it. xx


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