In which finding a new job is like finding a new boyfriend

I walked in my coworker's office unannounced, closed the door behind me, and got comfortable in his chair. Dan raised an eyebrow at me and paused his music.

I took a deep breath. "So you know I got a call back for that one application, right? The one I felt least qualified for, but submitted my résumé anyway? Well he called me last night. Actually it was yesterday afternoon. It was 4:40. But I didn't pick up the call because I didn't recognize the number, and I didn't call him back yesterday because it was so close to the end of the day. Anyway, Mike talked me into calling him back at 9 a.m., even though I didn't want to. I thought it was too early and wanted to wait till midmorning. But stupidly I called at 9 a.m. and—of course—he didn't pick up. So I left a message. I wish I didn't leave a message: that way I could keep calling every 20 minutes until he picks up the phone, but now that I left a message I'll look like a crazy stalker. What if he doesn't call me back? When can I call again without looking desperate?" I resumed breathing again.

Dan by this point had raised his other eyebrow and dropped his mouth open a little. "First of all, Sarah, calm down. It's not like looking for a job is like--"

"Finding a date? It exactly is! I have to be breezy. I have to pretend I don't need this job. I am perfectly happy and content staying at my current job. When in reality, I want this job. I want a new job so much that I'm now sitting in your office with the door closed analyzing phone messages. I actually brought my phone in here and played the message for you! What do you think girls do, Dan?"

"I would keep calling until he picks up."

I stood up and leaned over his desk, "And that's why you're single, Dan," I hollered. "You have no game!" And with that, I stomped out of his office.

Instead, I chose to play the dating game. So I did what any girl would do. I called my friend who actually works at the company and had him check the company schedule to see at what time my contact would be free and at his desk, readily available to answer my phone call. And then I called 15 minutes after that.

***

This morning I got up and cheated on my employers. I dialed work when I knew no one would be in yet, prepared to leave a cryptic message about my whereabouts. I didn't want to lie, but if I sounded sick and they just happened to think I was sick, that's no fault of mine.

I pulled out nicer clothes than I normally wear to my job. Then I put on a full face of makeup— something my job hasn't seen since my first month there. And then I drove to another job.

The interview went well. The interview went really, really well. I Googled the company before the date and read up on background information. I asked insightful questions and laughed at the appropriate times. And when it came to expectations, I held my cards.

He said he'd let me know by the end of the week. Waiting three days to call, I thought, how so very like him.