I was sitting on my couch last night, charity knitting in hand and my secret love of TLC Sunday-night documentaries on TV. This week's documentary was the 650-lb Virgin.
The no-longer-650-pounds-but-still-a virgin laid on the massage table for his very first massage. As the masseuse rubbed his scarred skin, he asked, "Do you have any dating advice?"
She immediately preached on the necessity of dependability. "If you say you're going to call, call. If girls can count on you for the little things, then we know you'll be there for the big things."
Yellow yarn knotted across my fingers, I shook my head vigorously. I'm so glad that point made it on TV!
She paused, then said,"Be the person you want to date. If you want a nice, caring person, then you be nice and caring. Be the person you want to date."
I don't know if I have ever had that thought, but I do know I have never had that thought so articulately. Be the person you want to date. It was enough to make me stop and think. Am I?
So, dear reader, are you being the person you want to date?
4:11 PM
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14 comments:
That's a tough question. I'd like to think I am.... then again I can be fairly selfish at times... not sure if that's because the relationship is new, and I don't want to give up things just yet for someone else until I know for sure, or if it's me ...
Those 2 things have got to be the best advice I have ever heard for both men and women.
I wish I had that insight when I was younger.
Right now, at this stage in life, I do my best to be the kind of person I would want to have around me. I think I'm doing a better job of it the second time around.
I can give a definitive NO to that question. But I wasn't always this person...and as much as I hate to blame someone else he made me this way. But that dear friend is why I am finally moving on and working on being the person I want to date.
Uh,no. Not even and THAT is EXACTLY why I am not dating right now. I am a firm believer that like attracts like and I am just not diggin myself right now.
The good news? I am working on becoming that person and look out when she arrives!
The same applies to being married. Sometimes when my husband is particularly kind to me, I think to myself, "Shit! I'd never have been that nice to him in that situation!" So, although I'm not quite there yet, do I get points for being aware? :)
My therapist said that to me two years ago. Its not easy and I always slip up somehow but trying your best, that's got to be worth something right?
I think being mindful of it definitely counts! You can't change what you don't acknowledge.
I admire all the people willing to say no, they are not being the same person. I think we can all be better people. It's a good goal to have!
At the moment I am a total nightmare. I wouldn't date me. I'm grumpy and snappy and expect too much.
wow, that's a great way to look at it.
am i? well, the nice, the sincere, the honest... yes.. i think ive got that covered. ive got a good dose of the crazy at times, and thank god, my boyfriend doesn't exhibit any of that behavior that i so despise in myself.
That's a trick question as the person I WANT to date is more energetic, selfish and frustrating. I think I am the opposite of her extremes and that we meet well in the middle ground.
But if that were true I'd probably actually be dating her.
Hang on, brookem and bathwater, no one said you had to date someone just like yourself. If you make a list of attributes, my spouse and I are fairly opposite; however, as far as being considerate of one another, basic values, that sort of thing, then yes, we match fairly well - though both of us can do better. To be fair, both of us are doing better than, say, nearly three years ago when we married, so I'd say we're on an upward trend. :-D
On an average day I'm that person... on a bad day I'm neurotic and insecure and even I don't like me!
It's a scary thought because deep down I know I'm NOT. And, I keep making demands and wishes on the type of person I want to date, I think it's time for me to change. Very good advice.
It's just a corollary of the "treat others the way you want to be treated rule". But when it comes to relationships, that's partly how it should work, and partly not.
Sometimes we need someone who is a complement, not a mirror.
And it's tough to tell which it is you truly need.
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