Dirty Secret #4

I have a cousin in jail. He's not a blood related cousin, but a step-2nd-cousin (if those even exist.) Right after my mother had surgery and she was high on whatever they were pumping into her for the pain, she told me that Josh was in jail for drunk driving. He ran a stop sign and hit and killed a man. She said the judicial system threw the book at him and he was sentenced to 9 years in jail. I asked how long ago this happened, thinking it was only a couple of months ago, and she said he's been in there for 2 years with the rapists and murderers and that his family is trying to get him into a better jail for the remainder of his sentence. She felt like he didn't deserve that many years in jail and was really sympathetic to the whole scenario. She told me, however, to not talk about it in front of my step-father, who'd spent years recovering in a hospital after he was hit by a drunk driver in the 70's. My stepfather is permanently disfigured because of the accident and his best friend was killed.

The next day at work I searched my cousin's name on the internet, knowing I'd find the story in some newspaper archives. Usually you get your mug shot in the paper after your sentencing. Having a plethora of friends get DUIs in college, I'd knew it would be there somewhere. From their experiences I knew you'd have to be pretty fucked up and reckless to actually kill someone. The article confirmed my suspicions- he wasn't just drunk, he was also high on pot and painkillers at the time and that's why his sentencing was so great: he's serving manslaughter charges on each of the 4 DUIs he received. I also looked up the name of the man he killed, wondering if he was a father or not, but I found nothing on him.

After knowing the whole story, I felt a lot less sympathetic towards my cousin. I printed the story and I read it to my mother when I visited her in the hospital that afternoon. It didn't seem to change her opinion about him, that he got more than he deserved and should be in a lesser prison.

What does this have to do with my heartbreak? Right after my break-up we have one more conversation about my cousin. Apparently my cousin was dating a girl when this happened 2 years ago and she vowed to wait for him until he's released in 7 years. What the fuck! My cousin, the one no one talks about, the one who dropped out/ expelled from high school, the one missing a front tooth has a girl- in college nonetheless- waiting for him to get out of jail for killing a man! My cousin can maintain a relationship but I cannot. Where's my fucking karma? Where's my Jack Daniels?