I hate my dreams. For a few weeks after the break-up, I dreamed as if we were still together and when I woke up, I had to endure the pain of remembering that we were indeed not together anymore. I think those were the worst. I opened my eyes and for my first breath awake, I remembered the blissful dream. Then during the second breath, I would flashback into the break-up and all the events that transpired since then would fast-forward through my memory, leaving me in tears by the time I exhaled.
Now every night I dream about the break up. I dream we run into each other and play through the horrible things we say. I dream about him getting back at me for whatever he thinks I did to him. They are these awful nightmares that have me wake up sweating and suffocating. I've been violent in my sleep: I rip sheets and scratch the wood bed frame.
I'm trying falling asleep with the TV on. This way I can't lie in the dark and think about anything, my mind will be distracted. Usually when this happens, I dream about the infomercials or the characters on the TV, but I'm having no such luck.
2:29 PM
3 weeks ago
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6 comments:
It completly sucks that this man still has such a hold over your subconsious. I've read your previous posts about him. He was/is such a major insensitive JERK to you. And then...freakin goodgrief...your mom sure as heck didn't help any. Being dumped can crush who you are. You have to reinvent yourself somwhat. All while ignoring those thoughts of blowing up his car and such.Distraction is the key. Positive distraction, nothing destructive. Emotional havoc is plenty without adding any other negative factors. You will find happiness. You will!
http://cloudysky931.blogspot.com/
From what I've read on your blog so far... I would give anything to have someone feel the way you do towards me.
I agree with "jenni's" comment.
I built my kingdom of love on a cloud.
I tumbled down when that was lost.
Now these dreams in my head keep me spinning and I can see your house from my cloud.
I need my head examined for exhuming memories of you.
Alone, I was playing a game meant for two.
Now from the ground, I see a sea of stars.
I'll build another kingdom on a mountain instead of a cloud.
Kinda sucks, huh?
I agree what jenni when she says you have to distract yourself. That's really the only thing that can get you over this initial heartache later you can deal with the true issue. I know it's impossible to distract yourself 24/7 especially at night but just try to stay strong and smile, dress up it may sound silly but looking and making yourself think your happy sometimes works.
Let all the air out of his tires. Trust me, It'll make you feel better.
Jenni- you're nice, I like you :)
Kohsta- What about your lady? Did you ever talk to her?
Andrea- My sister took me out for a very expensive hair cut and color for the "new me." It did help. You are 100% right and I'm doing MUCH better than I was, but I'm still not where I should be. I'll blame that on too many external factors, but I'll work on it!
Sin City- I love you! That made me squirt Coke out my nose!
Sarah, I did speak to her and thanks are looking good but I'm kind of iffy about the situation. We hung out for the past two weekends, day and night. We also talk on the phone every day now.
We do the kissing, hugging thing but she still said that she doesn't know what to do with us. She told me that when we broke up, she lost 30lbs and went into a deep pression so that I had mixed feelings about that. Sorry for the rant, but all I want is to be with her and she knows that.
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