Just like a fan, I come with 3 settings

My feelings toward Christopher completely oscillate from liking him to loathing him, and in turn, loathe myself for liking him.

Sometimes, he'll do things that makes me think I don't know him at all, but in a good way:

We're laying in bed one night watching "Goodfellas." Ray Liotta reminds me a lot of Christopher sans the pock marks, plus a 5 o'clock shadow. The camera opens a scene with a tight shot on Ray Liotta's green eyes and I smile to myself, thinking of Christopher. Then it hits me- I have no idea what color his eyes are. I make it a habit not to look at boys in the eyes because I fear they will be able to see right through to me, and I can't handle that. Even worse, with Christopher I rarely look at him in the face: he's the dreamiest person I've ever been with and I don't want him to see me.

"What color are your eyes?" I ask, hoping that admitting I don't know doesn't offend him.

"Green."

"Oh. (Pause) What color are my eyes?"

"Brown, but you wish they were blue."

I inhale sharply. I can't believe he remembers that. Even though he says I talk too much, he still listens. My heart melted a little bit.

And then he'll do things that makes me want to punch him in the face:

I took him to Bryan's birthday party Saturday night. Christopher tells me not to leave his side because he doesn't know anybody there. I agreed.

There's this 16-year-old there who is shamelessly flirting with everyone, including me. She's a younger sister of someone there and she always does this. She hit on Mark when she knew he was my boyfriend at the time. I hate her. She doesn't know that flirting with 30-year-old men brings different consequences than 17-year-olds and one day it's going to get her into trouble.

She unhooks from Bryan long enough to hit on Christopher, even though she knows that he came with me. I hate her.

Christopher takes a shot with her (he's so going to jail for that) and says to her, "I think you're beautiful."

I grabbed his arm and practically drug him out of the house. Outside I tell him that he pissed me off.

"Why?"

"Because you'll tell a girl half your age that she's beautiful *even when she's not* and you won't tell me, AND I'M SLEEPING WITH YOU!"

"It's different with you."

"Why?" (I don't know what this means, and I still don't. If anyone has a clue, please let me know)

"Because you know you are. Every guy here tonight has said that about you." (Not sure if he's telling the truth here or doing some serious back tracking, but I was looking pretty hot)

"It doesn't count if it comes from ugly people!" (I'd been drinking)

Seriously. Wanted to punch him in the face.