Valentine's Day

I wasn't expecting anything for Valentine's Day. I think I liked it better that way. Except for the guys at school, no one knows about Christopher, making it a little secret between us. It doesn't seem right to acknowledge anything. I didn't even call him; I was proud of myself.

I was at the cafe in my building grabbing lunch and the Chinese man who always works the register handed me a Ghirardelli chocolate. I smiled. "That's enough," I thought to myself. I am happy and content with this gesture for the day.

I get home and my stepmother had left a note saying she was eating dinner with one of my brothers and that I was on my own. I was on the phone with Becker when I read the note. He had just finished complaining that he hadn't seen anyone in 20 hours and hated Valentine's Day. When he heard I had no dinner plans either, he invited me out for Japanese.

Maybe it was because I hate cooking, maybe it was because I wanted to tell people that I did celebrate the day with someone, maybe it was because Japanese is my favorite food, but I accepted. I actually had a really good time. He made it through the whole dinner without mentioning his ex or role playing games- two things that were preventing me from wanting to go out with him again. He told me that he had a really good Valentine's by going out with me and left me a sweet message on my MySpace account. I was surprised by the evening too.

I know it's completely unfair of me to do this, but I can't help comparing the two. There really is no comparison, Christopher has me on a different level. I'm sleeping with Christopher, and no other guy can really compare to that. I don't know Becker well enough to tell him anything about myself, and Christopher already has a few of those barriers down.

I don't feel guilty for going out with Becker, Christopher was the one who told me he didn't want anything exclusive on our first date. Only I know I'm seeing other people and I'm confident in saying that he's not. For once I feel like I have the upper hand: I am the player, I am not the one who will be played. I don't know if Christopher still checks my MySpace page. If he does, he will know what I've been up to. I don't know how he will react, but he's the one who set the rules. I'm just glad I'm juggling more than one guy again.