~Monday, March 27, 2006

A rant: I'm furious

I was at a private party Friday night in Andy's neighborhood, so I thought I would give him a call to see if he wanted to come over. He sounded excited and he met up with me.

We sat at a table in front of a fire place, drinking 16 oz cans of Coors Light. Only I could "declass" a nice bar with cans of cheap beer. We are still in the "getting to know you" phase and the conversation circled around very basic questions, ie where did you grow up, how many siblings do you have, etc.

I don't know how the conversation took a wrong turn, but it did.

And by wrong turn, I mean drove off a closed road.

I can't pin point how it started, but Andy began airing all his family's dirty laundry to me. Which brother's kid isn't really his, which sister had the abortion, typically stuff you wouldn't admit to ever, or at least would wait a considerable amount of time.

Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was nerves, maybe he's a really open guy like that.

Then he turns the conversation towards his love life and I got the low down on the last 7 years of his romantic life. I know it's been 2 years since he's gotten laid. Or a blow job. His last girlfriend was a little shy in the bedroom. I know this stuff, and frankly, I didn't want or need to know most of it. He says how much he's been hurt and he's going to take his next relationship extremely slow.

I excuse myself and go into the bathroom and call Christopher. Sex would be good right now. The dirty kind.

Talking with Andy really bothered me for 2 reasons:

  1. He didn't ask me anything about myself. Granted, he knows more about me because of my blog, but I would have liked to have felt a part of the conversation, not just some pretty blonde bobble head doll that swigs from her beer can.
  2. (Get ready for it...) Who does he think he is? Does he really think his pain is special? By the time you're our age and unattached, chances are you've been hurt. What makes him think that he's so goddamn special that he gets to whine about it on a Friday night! I've been hurt, much more recently than him -- you all saw it, and although I think I have some trust issues, you know what I did? I dusted myself off and I got back up. In case you haven't noticed, I put myself out there. BIG TIME. I don't, however, tell a guy I *just* met how much I've been hurt and, to please be careful with me, because I'm a delicate flower.
    Is this what guys do these days? Is this their new m.o.? Becker did the same thing, my skanky ex this and my skanky ex that. Are guys just playing the I've-been-hurt card to make them appear sensitive to the opposite sex? 'Cause let me tell you, this is not sexy. First of all, you're really just talking all about yourself -- a subject you love. Secondly it's just making you look weak. Yeah, let me hear how damaged you are. Don't tell me you were obsessed with a girl for a year, because that's just scary. And don't tell me that you're glad you dated her anyways or otherwise you'd still be obsessed, because that's scarier. Way to make the girl effing sitting in front of you feel special. Good job on that. I honestly feel no sympathy for you.
It's a harsh attitude, I know, but I've never mentioned an ex while out with another guy. I wouldn't give my exes the satisfaction of me still talking about them. It's not about the exes, it's about the goddamned person in front of you. You know, the one that brushed her teeth and combed her hair for you. The one that actually wanted to spend time with you instead of some pathetic fantasy.

If you're a guy and you're reading this, I hope you're taking notes. I have no tolerance for this. None whatsoever.


Jenni said...

Girrrrl, You are right on the money! It's disgusting and desperate for a guy to share all that "no sex or blow job" info. And the "my skanky ex this and my skanky ex that" ...got me laughing!!! So true...ALL OF IT!!!

Gabriel K. said...

Damn... effing right.

I don't bring up the exes and I totally avoid the subject, but I really can't help it if they had my blog link... err. Oh well.

~ martha ~ said...

I was very entertained reading your rant. I haven't dated enough to really agree on the do's and don't but some things are common sense. And a guy describing is emotional pain and lack of sexual activities is extremely lame.

Anonymous said...

haha, I think that goes in any dating scenario, u just DONT do it, and don't ask about it!

Going Somewhere said...

Yeah that "I've been hurt card" is a dangerous one. I was smitten with my ex-ex and he pulled that card on me. And what did I get for it? Two years of wasted time and effort on my part, and a whole lot of dishonesty and cheating from him.

I agree. Stuff the sensitivity crap! Be an man!!!


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