I got stood up today. You gotta be pretty crafty to get stood up before noon.
Andy and I had lunch plans today to go to sushi buffet and just gorge ourselves. The morning got later and later and I never got an e-mail from him confirming plans. At 11:15 I finally broke down and asked him what time, only to get a response that he didn't want to go today because he had errands he wanted to run. He wanted to go tomorrow instead.
This is all fine and well for other people, but I hate it when people break plans with me. I see it as an insult. "I'd rather be doing this than spending time with you." I blocked time off for him. When I got dressed for work today, I got up a little early and made sure to wear something flirty. I spent a little extra time on my hair. He doesn't think about this and how I'll have to go through the same thing tomorrow. I got shoved aside for errands. I hope he chokes on it.
I want someone to be excited by me. I want someone who can't wait until lunch. I'm so sick and tired of guys. They're all crap. One's asking you out properly, but then informs you you're paying. The other one would rather spend time in CVS than endure an hour with you. Another one only calls when he wants to hang out, but never beforehand.
Why do I even want a guy? They walk around with their hands in their pants and proclaim all women are crazy. They aren't wired the same way as me and they will never understand me. Because they will never understand me, they are never going to fulfill me.
I wish I could be one of those girls that uses guys. That would be sweet. They'd call me up and want more and I could just push them away. Make them feel one ounce of the crap they give me. This is just masochism. I know now why girls go lesbian.
I'm so fed up with the whole gender. Who needs you? The whole lot of you? You're no good to me anymore. I'm done.
And the worst part is, as girls we have to play the game. I can't tell him it isn't okay to cancel because it hurts my feelings. Instead I send him back:
No worries! Tomorrow will be fine, but I have plans Thursday and Friday.Because I don't want him to think that I get upset easily. I'm supposed to be easygoing and pretend I don't care. I pretend I don't care about anything most of the time. I just deal with things and justify them internally. I'm just a nodding smiling Barbie doll, grinning like a jackass for no effing reason.
The kicker: the results are still the same. Whether I'm upset and you know it, or I just keep it in, I'm still not treated how I want to be. How I should be. No wonder I don't know who I am or what I want. When was the last time I allowed myself to feel anything in front of someone else?
11:54 AM
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4 comments:
If what he did bothered you then you should have either told him or cancelled. While it does sound like most of your dissatisfaction is with the gender in general, your feelings seem reasonable and justified. Be a girlie girl sometimes. Let 'em know when they aggravate you, when you you've gone to trouble over something. The right guy will respond appropriately and make it up to you. If he doesn't then tell him to lose your number.
I'm sorry guys are bothering you so much lately. The good ones are truly few and far between.
Ever seen "Beauty and the Geek"? Some of the geeks are okay looking. And they fall head over heels for "beauty". Sarah, you need to find a geek. He will be at your beck and call and make you wonder why you've put up with so much other bull. Join a club or activity full of super smart guys. "Mr. Supersmart But Good Looking And Lives Only For Sarah" will be there somewhere.
Ya i don't think that you should go to dinner with him tomorrow. I know you wanted to go, but I think he's lost his chance. Take a girl friend with you there instead. He won't care if he's stood up and you still get to go for sushi.
It's good that you know how he'd react to you being upset about him but you can't keep it in. Even if you are laid back and fun you are still allowed to have feelings about being rejected. Let him know and if he doesn't care, don't waste your time.
He further explained himself later today and it's a little more justified than what I originally thought.
Still have no idea what to wear to work tomorrow. Lunch dates are hard.
Honey, hate to tell you there is just as many politics in being a lesbian. But what I find funny is that I get more respect and attention as a lesbian from the guys than I ever did trying to date them. It's the whole not available thing.
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