Saturday night with Andy

Went out with Andy again Saturday night. He took me to his neighborhood bar and we split pitcher after pitcher of beer, both of us knowing we'd regret the decision in the morning when we had to get up for Easter.

When he began talking too much this time, I'd cut him off to get my piece in. I don't know if he thought that was rude or not, but seriously this guy can talk and I didn't want to just sit there all night. My eyes kept glazing over every time he brought up sports, but things looked up when we talked about being in high school theatre. Neither of us look like drama nerds and I thought it was pretty funny we have that in common.

Afterwards he showed me his apartment before walking me to my truck. He hugged me goodbye, again, and left it at that. It's starting to piss me off; I'm not a hugger. People who hug hello and goodbye are generally Goth 17-year-olds that hang out in front of Wendy's on Saturday night. That's so not me.

When Andy pursued me with much fervor, I wasn't into him. He used to like me, a lot. Now that we've gone out 4 times, it seems like his interest has waned while mine has waxed. I don't know if he's playing games or he doesn't like me now that he's gotten to know me. It's the second possibility that crushes me. My personality typically draws attention, not deters. I can lose weight, change my hair color, but I can't change who I am. If he didn't want me because he thinks I'm fat, I can up my time at the gym. If he thinks I'm an ugly person (not physically speaking), there isn't a whole lot I can do to fix myself for the next guy.

I don't know if I like Andy because I'm bored, or need a distraction from Christopher, or he seems safe because he wants to settle down, or because he's a good guy. But I have become absolutely smitten with him. When he smiles, I melt into a puddle. I want to be the one that makes him smile like that. His e-mails always make me laugh. I've been spending more time on MySpace just so I can look at his picture. This is not good for me.

If I have to make the first move then he obviously doesn't like me enough. Then again when we first started doing this, he told me he wants to take things slowly in his next relationship. I've decided to completely remove myself from the situation. I'm not going to e-mail him or call him, I've deleted his number from my phone to resist the temptation. If he still wants me, it's up to him. I'm out.