I haven't heard from Christopher in 3 weeks. This is the longest we've gone without seeing each other. The overall emotion I'm feeling right now? Relief. I am honest to God relieved that he hasn't called.
As much as I liked him, and the way we got along, he didn't give me something I knew I needed: emotional support. I could have never dated him exclusively; I could have never settled for someone who couldn't love me. In retrospect, I think one of the smartest things I did was to constantly look for someone else, even if it did kick me in the ass. I enjoyed him, I appreciated him, but I never thought that he was the end answer.
The distance I created by trying to see other people kept me from getting hurt. I am getting out of this alive. I am getting out of this without shedding a single tear. I am so proud of myself.
It ended the way I wanted it to: by dissipation. I have no ugly memories of him-- no harsh words were exchanged, no sitting through reasons why it could never work. To be honest, I've barely given him any thought. This probably testifies that there was never any emotion there to begin with, so much the better.
I hope he doesn't call me again. When he sets his mind to something, he can become pretty convincing. Sometimes I don't think I'm strong enough to say "no" to him. This way, I won't have to.
He gave me a lot, and I'm grateful for that. He's the best looking guy I've ever been with, which boosts my self-esteem. He's the best sex I ever had, and I hope I remember enough to take with me what he taught me. He was always kind and treated me decently.
But I know that there are better things waiting for me out there.