~Wednesday, July 12, 2006

On Online Dating

I've had a profile posted online for... 3 days now and I already have a laundry list of complaints. This is what I wanted to include in my profile, but won't because no one likes a bitch.

Do Not Contact Me If:
  • You haven't been properly socialized. I'm way too worn out to teach you how to act in both social and private settings. It's work that I'm just not willing to put in.
  • You cannot carry a conversation. It irritates me to have to control the conversation every friggin' time. You say you love your job over and over. Fine, I'll ask you about what you do, or I'll ask you to elaborate on your job duties. Then you give me a one sentence response and say nothing else. Whatever. I never cared about your job anyways. I just thought you could talk passionately about something. Again, this is too much work for me.
  • You cannot match your shoes to your belt, or, at the very least, know when to ask for help with this.
  • You write with "text lingo" instead of words. I have an English degree. Crap like "i c" and "u 2" really irritate the hell out of me. To me, it just shows that you're lazy. Phone text messaging didn't come out until we were in college, so you should have learned proper language skills by then. We're not 14; this isn't trendy.
  • You quote or steal movie lines and/or songs for your profile. You are unoriginal. In the few chances you get to talk about yourself, you steal someone else's work. This tells me nothing about yourself. Maybe you don't think much about yourself. Maybe you're not good at following directions. Maybe you don't think much of me, the one reading your profile. Any of these three possibilities are enough to make me move on.
  • You begin your profile with, "Well, I don't know what to put here so... " It's awkward. I get that. Don't think that I didn't gripe about that too. But once again, you're using the one chance you get to talk about yourself to complain that it's awkward. The first sentence shows up under your picture. Seeing your pic with "Well, I don't know what to put here" doesn't accomplish a thing. Other than that you, too, are lazy. And/Or unoriginal. That puts you in the category above that I want no part of.
I really don't feel like I'm asking too much here. Really.


Nick said...

If it weren't for the whole different continent, timezone, country thing - I'd be inclined to ask you out on a date. Of course there's also that age thing too...but I think having to have a passport, and a return airline ticket to take you to dinner might be more of hindrance than a couple of errhm decades...

Anonymous said...

Girl, I don't have an English degree and those things bother me too! This world is full of lazy, pathetic people.

Jenni said...

I think you have a straight forward take on things. You know what you like and you know what you don't like. That is positive. Make them walk the line. When all you have to go on at first is a profile...it's good to scrutinize.

Sarah said...

Nick - That's sweet!

AG - The worst part is they pay for this. They pay to be lazy and unoriginal!

Jenni - Thanks, I was beginning to feel hateful. It's good to know that it's okay to feel this way!

M said...

text talk drives me NUTS!!!!

Jenni said...

Sarah, I found this on a site I read. I thought you'd get a kick out of it too. Looks like Los Angeles has the same problems that Atlanta does. :

I apologize PROFUSELY for the generally horrid job our local mothers have done raising thier sons to be decent dating material. May I offer up my three most valuable bits of hard-earned dating knowledge for avoiding "Los Angelenos Horrible Mannerus"?:
#1 - Beware the "we should hang out sometime" routine! If a man isn't going to get up the nerve to ask you on a proper date - how the hell's he gonna get anything ELSE up to do even more vital functions? Just smile and change the subject. If he's dying to spend time with you, he'll find the nerve to ask properly!

#2 - I always made my weekend plans by Wednesday at 10 pm. Firm. If the guy of the moment doesn't call by then, he's gotta wait another week, or until lunch on Monday (if he wants to buy me lunch!). This culls out the possibility of being a last-minute resort some Friday night when he's realized he's bored and his x-box hasn't got breasts.

#3 - To avoid the loathed "So, whaddya wanna do?" after you're in the car, ask "So, what's the dress code?" when you settle on a time for a date. "Is it a picnic, the movies....what should I wear?" Maybe it's just me, but I HATE guys who don't properly plan a date -- it's like a host that invites you to dinner, but expects YOU to plan the menu!

I know it's kind of bitchy and old-fashioned. But hey, in a town where it seems most of the guys are watching "Entourage" as a dating manual, a girl's gotta have skills to get respect.

Sarah said...

Grr, I think it's a man-thing epidemic, not limited to any cities!

v said...

I have one quibble though... sometimes I will quote a lyric or some passage if it beautifully encapsulates how I feel, and I think that's fine.

Mind you I also re-write my profile every two days, so any such usage is temporary anyways. More like borrowing from the library than lifting it from a store. ;-)


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