~Friday, September 01, 2006


I'm fighting right now with my inner voice-- my forever optimistic conscience. If I could slap her, I would. Stupid bitch.

What the hell is your problem?
I don't have a good feeling about this.
They should really lock you up you know. Look at you, you're talking to yourself. He likes you, I swear.
But what about Wednesday morning? I think I kissed him too much.
He didn't brush his teeth and you did; he was worried about morning breath.
I just think that since the naked factor has entered the equation, he's not trying as hard.
You spent the night at his place the next night.
He had to let me come over-- my apartment was flooded. He didn't try anything with me.
Get over yourself. You both were exhausted from the night before where neither of you slept. It was 1 AM when you got there.
We did fall asleep immediately.
And how did you sleep?
In his arms.
So there.
But what about the next morning?
What about it?
You know what I'm going to say.
You have no proof.
I only caught a glimpse of the screen, but I really think he was answering an online dating e-mail.
You only saw the greeting.
Boys don't write that to each other. That's how I greet him in my e-mails.
Maybe it was one of yours.
Why would my e-mail be open on his computer screen while I'm in his condo? That's just poor form to look elsewhere while I'm in his house.
You have no proof. Besides, you're not exclusive. You said yourself that you wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship because in many ways he's still a stranger to you.
I know, but I want to have my cake and eat it too.
When has that ever worked out for you?
And then he found you on the couch and he kissed you on your neck.
Yeah, that was nice.
And he still e-mails you regularly. They're still flirty.
But they aren't as flirty as they were prenaked factor.
That's debatable. Just this morning he wrote you an e-mail about how cute you are.
See, I knew boys thought of me as cute, nothing more. My gut says something is off though.
He still talks about the future.
I just want to feel special.
Look, worst case scenario: he never calls again. It's only been two weeks, you wouldn't even cry over it.
I know.
You still have your secrets, you haven't slept with him, you could walk away right now with your pride.
I'm debating it.
I only brought that up so you could argue with me!! I was trying to make a point-- you weren't supposed to actually agree!!
This trusting thing, it's just too hard.
But dating is fun again.
And I'm talking to myself again.
I'm just going to pull away a bit and let him pursue.
Uh, you've been doing that all along.
Not the last two days. And I'm feeling self-conscious already.
I think you should just relax. He's done NOTHING to prove anything other than he likes you.
I just want to feel special.
You are.
See? Stupid bitch.


Jen said...

I think that I have had this exact conversation with myself!!

Sarah said...

Phew, that makes me feel less like I should locked up!

Anonymous said...

ggod god i've had it too! All too familiar! JUST BREATHE!

Nick said...

Two weeks? You definitely have to chill. Yeah, ease up and let him pursue you a bit. Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. Come downunder for a vacation ;)

M said...

ohhh, the old dialogue. Listen to yourself - relax.

Phil said...

In/out Sarah. Clear your head, sleep on it and decide in the morning.

Daniel said...

Don't listen to the gallery. What do they know of your suffering?

Trust your recalcitrant dispeptic gut.... move into a convent before it's too late

It's best to have a balanced debate

Sarah said...

It's spelled dyspeptic.

Daniel said...

uh, thanx....... yes, I agree with whoeverhasthebest spelling

Sarah said...


whomeverhasthebest spelling.


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