~Tuesday, September 05, 2006

To be filed under: Mistake

Well now you've really done it.
I needed control.
Who are you kidding, you're more out of control than anything!
No, I feel like I have the upper hand again.
You have some trust issues. Seriously.
He cancelled. After I admitted I did not have a good feeling about this, he cancelled.
He was tired. He let you know as soon as he knew he wouldn't feel up to it. Then he called you. He's done nothing wrong.
The whole situation was shisty. He told me to call him when I got back into the city and when I did, his phone was off.
It was because he was sleeping. He was tired. He e-mailed you at 4 AM. You know he was up late.
I just didn't like being asked to call him to see if he's up for going out or not.
Well you took care of that, didn't you?
I didn't think he was going to call again.
Who reacts that way though?
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You took advantage of him. You knew you could use him so you did.
I didn't hear him complaining.
You haven't seen him in seven years and you call him, invite him over, and sleep with him. Normal people do not do this.
I didn't think Adam was going to call again.
But he did.
Well... I didn't see that coming.
He called while you were naked with someone else.
He cancelled on me.
You are such an asshole. You cried silently on his shoulder while he watched football and you prayed he would think it was just sweat that was rolling down him. It was 5 tears, but you never cry. Talk about post orgasm regret. And then your phone in the bathroom rings and you recognize Adam's ringtone. Adam left you a long rambling message about how he was sorry for being absent this weekend and then he asked you out for tonight. TONIGHT.
Oh god, what have I done?
You were mad at men, so you used one to get back at Adam. You used a human being.
Again, he wasn't complaining.
And what are you going to do now?
Ignore the one I slept with and never tell Adam. We're not exclusive.
This makes you look pretty slutty.
I feel pretty slutty, okay? Don't give me such a hard time about it! I have to go home and take out the trash to hide any evidence!
And how do you feel you have control again?
Because I can get it elsewhere too, I'm not sitting around waiting for him to call.
But what if he really was tired? Why can't you just believe that?
Because I refuse to be played the fool. Not this time. Not again.
You could lose him over this.
I never had him.


Nick said...

Hmm, you fucked an old flame because Adam cancelled on you - err, well because he didn't answer his phone when you got back into town. is that really cancelling or just taking time out?

So you used sex to feel good about yourself, but then regretted it when Adam called to ask you out, apologising for being absent (not really cancelling is it, Sarah.)

This may be a dealbreaker, but at the same time, if you want this relationship to actually survive into the future, sit down with Adam and tell him exactly what happened. Sure, he may feel hurt and betrayed, but at the same time he may appreciate your honesty and give you a second chance. I would. You're not exclusive. Now. But after this. Perhaps you should be.

Commitment in a relationship means sitting around waiting for him to call Otherwise there is no relationship, it's just fuckbuddy stuff.

ignore the one [you] slept with Ahh, to forestall any angst on his part, I'd be setting him straight too. He was a once off good time, maybe another time but don't count on it. "Don't call me, I'll call you."

Sorry for the long and judgemental comment - I do feel an affinity for Adam (similar age, status, etc) I'm sure this is nothing you haven't thought about, but secrets do not a happy relationship make. *hugs* *taps you on your fanny* Go make good now hon.

okay, in Australia a fanny is actually a vagina, but I'm using the American context, in that it'd be your ass that I was tapping you on, m'kay? I can speak 'merican

Sarah said...

I feel an affinity for Adam too. *Sigh*

Unfortunately, it was a definite cancellation though. We had plans for Sunday night and he e-mailed me Sunday morning hesistant about the plans, and he called Sunday afternoon and left it with me calling when I got back into town, only to discover his phone was turned off.

I think the other guy knew what was up. He knew about Adam, and I know about the girl he's dating. I think we both understood what happened.

I read fanny as ass, so no worries! I didn't know about the fanny = vagina in Australian context.

Jen said...

Sarah, once again you have written out the conversation I have had with myself. It scares me how much we are alike.

My advice? Do not lie to Adam but I don't think you need to flat out tell him that you were with someone else. You are not exclusive. I guess if I was Adam I really wouldn't want to know about other guys that you see. Although if questioned I would come clean. Am I making any sense?

And I totally agree with Nick on this bit: "Commitment in a relationship means sitting around waiting for him to call Otherwise there is no relationship, it's just fuckbuddy stuff."

Sarah said...

Ok, I've got a game plan: don't ask/ don't tell... unless he asks. I don't want to know about his other girls, so I'm just not going near that can of worms.

I was really hoping that someone would back me up on not waiting around for anybody to call. Er, I guess I was wrong on that one...

Nick said...

Ahh, okay. I apologise for my remarks questioning whether it was an actual cancellation. Clearly it was.

That said, your decision re: the old flame, your call, but...well, you see the point Jen and I make *hugs* It's because we care about you that we point out that particular flaw.

I guess, I'm not like most guys. I don't do jealousy, so therefore, I would have no problem knowing that you saw someone else. I would just be disappointed but accept that it was your decision. That being said, I would probably annoy the tits off you by wanting to know why so that I could understand the decision. Probably more annoying than getting pissed at you. Hehe.

Adam may (probably would) feel quite differently, but as you say, don't ask/don't tell...unless he asks.

Good luck hon.

Sarah said...

You would "annoy the tits off [me]?"

I think I just laughed so hard I peed a little.

Nick said...

:) The joy of trans-pacific colloquialisms, glad you enjoyed it. Happy for you to spread the Aussie slang.

M said...

I read that taps fanny bit and blushed actually. good lord that's very forward - I thought it was supposed to be the third date Nick!

Besides that, I'm totally with what Nick said. He's unique in the 'don't do jealousy' bit - so you might be dealing with some major hurt pride and I don't know what else on Adam's part, but I have this firm belief (and it's never been proven wrong) that every secret comes out in the end anyway.

As for cancellations - everyone is going to cancel at some point or another. Even if you were together and it was exclusive there would be some sort of cancellation somewhere - people get busy and tired and whatever else.

hope it all works out hon *hugs*

Miss Natalie said...

I have thoses very thoughts.. one action, the reaction and all possibilites in between...

Daniel said...

Fuck 'em all......... and let God sort it out......... or not.

But either way, every minute while you agonize, 5 people are born and 3 die. That's + one Billion every 12 years.

Hope that helps


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