Beware Funny Ladies

This is an article from Vanity Fair. It's called "Why Women Aren't Funny." It's also about me having a coronary from anger.

It's not just you-- this guy is basing his argument on women's lack of funny on their ability to bear children. That bearing children makes women less funny. Because, apparently, it's what we Do. It's what we're Supposed to Do. This is especially true because that paragon of human understanding and gender equality Rudyard Kipling has extensively reminded us that women are only good for bearing children.

Hmm.

Although I am not "hefty, dykey, or Jewish," I must be innately funnier than someone who has already reproduced because I haven't felt the responsibility of bringing life into this world and hence haven't lost all of my more humorous faculties. Nor have I fully become a woman.

And on that note, fatties, dykes, and Jewish girls may be funny, but they're not really women. Because women are Supposed to bear children, and what are we if we're not? Clearly no man will fuck and therefore enable a fat, dykey, Jewish woman to have a baby, and ergo she'll never fully manifest her feminine destiny, which totally makes her a man.

Well, hallelujah. We now know that women comedians and improvisers aren't constrained in any way by social constructs, nor are we raised to think that only boys can be funny. And it's true that funny girls are automatically less feminine because they're funny (again because they're men). And perhaps it may look like more class clowns are boys rather than girls, but truthfully, those boys are just trying to mate and since teachers want more children to teach, they allow boys to do their mating dance more than they allow girls to smart off.

Jesus Christ, this article makes me angry.

And here's the thing-- I can and do agree that women fail at comedy way, WAY more than men do. But is it because we have children? Or because men have to be funny to get a woman's attention? No. Sociologically speaking, girls aren't allowed to be smart asses, because we're not supposed to speak our minds, because we apologize when we say something inappropriate, and because we're still supposed to just sit there and look pretty.

Because no matter what strides have been made on the women's liberation front in the past 40 years, it doesn't make any difference because we're still just tits as far as comedy is concerned.