~Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Noah's Ark, only drunker and with keg stands

I attended my second Christmas party of the season Friday night. I ventured away from the city and tested the suburb party waters. The longer I spend in the city, the more I feel like I belong. I prefer skyscrapers to strip malls, Zagat rated to extra value meals, and the ease and security in knowing I live at most six miles from anything-- the Capitol, work, art museums and zoos-- it's all five minutes away. I don't even mind paying for parking anymore. E has to entice me to leave the city: free booze and a DD just happened to be the magic answer that night.

At the party we hug and kiss hello everyone we know, which happened to be a short list as we were friends of friends. I make friends easily so I wasn't daunted that we didn't know most of the people there. I was actually excited about the idea.

Until we met everyone.

"Hi, I'm Carol and this is Bob."

"Hi, I'm Richard and this is Denise."

"Hi, I'm Andy and this is Beth."

Um, when exactly did people come in pairs? When exactly did I become one of three single people in a house full of marrieds!? E and I and a girl from Alabama. All standing by the trash. Right where we belonged.

I'm too young to be the only single person in a room. Or am I? When we walked in the door, a girl-- who had the remarkable talent of actually trashing out a Banana Republic dress by adding porn heels and black lace-- squealed at me and and cooed, "This is my house!" She was younger than me and clearly playing house. I should be so lucky to ever own a house like that, much less a starter home with my new husband where I was the Bridezilla of the Year as rumored by dirty whispers anytime she left the room.

I thought I had a few more years before this started happening. I wasn't ready for it. Not just yet.


Indiana said...

Don't porn heels go with everything?

And what exactly is a Bridezilla?

Sarah said...

LOL! A bridezilla is a combination of the words bride and Godzilla. It's used to describe women who turn rude, selfish, and demanding when planning their weddings. They're a horrible lot.

Anonymous said...

Give it a year or two and you'll be having the last laugh.

Bridezilla will have a couple of snot-nosed kids that will grow up to be spoiled, greedy, bastards and that house will become a gilded prison when her husband starts working late - every night.

Wait, was that a cynical, jaded, remark coming from me? Oops.

But seriously, don't even worry about it - you're the fun, pretty, charismatic chick that has it goin' on with her shoe collection and life in the city!

Fuck the suburbian "American dream." Maybe someday, if you want it... but you've got too many more important things to do. Like finding out where she got those porn shoes and wearing them to the hottest club in town and busting your move with hot, well-dressed, single guys! Hehe.

pinkjellybaby said...

what a way to waste a dress! man, these young married chicks sound like a nightmare

Sarah said...

RMP- It really is different in the city! There would never be a party of just married couples! Well-dressed single guys, mmmm.

PinkJellyBaby- She did! She wasted the dress, that's the perfect way to put it!

pinkjellybaby said...

she should give it to me instead of doing things like that to it

pinkjellybaby said...

i just read your 100 things but couldn't leave this comment:
i have decided that we are very similar.
posessive, impatient, persistent, have a dent in my forehead from an accident, i should wear glasses but i don't, i love big and it's scary, i'm lazy

are you a cancer?

kate said...

welcome to my life.

Walter said...

"Wish I was single..,"

"Who's that? (looking at you)..,"

"I should have left Carol at her mom's..,"

"I'd say 'hi' to her but Beth's such an ass..,"

"DAMN, why can't Denise be that interesting?"

The above mental conversations took place while men were looking at you standing by the trash.

allbilly said...

try being the new guy at the firm christmas party (which was really fun) who is about to finalize his divorce and everyone has met my kids at the kids christmas party and brings a date and feel odd cause you aren't married, but you have kids and ....ok...i should have never started this. I hate those couples to. And I would personally hold Bridezilla down and let you pull her toenails out with pliars.

Sarah said...

Pinkjellybaby- I agree, you should have it instead! I'm a Taurus-- a lovable bull in the china shop :)

Kate- Thanks. It blows.

Walter- Ha! I knew there was a special twinkle in their eyes reserved just for me!

Allbilly- Good news is I know where she lives now should you ever follow through on your offer ;)

pinkjellybaby said...

i knew i liked you. you give me dresses. i give you love

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say I loved the title to this post... found it hysterical (I guess amused by the thought of drunk animals careening all over Noah's Ark and causing no end of misery for an already drunk Noah :)

Sarah said...

Pinkjellybaby- Do you think the same arrangement will work with men? ;)

jedimerc- hehe, I laughed at the title myself :)

Phil said...

Brisbane is the same.

Maybe we should introduce our childhood imaginary friends.

Hi I'm Phil and this is Edgar my invisible dragaon. Oh if you're going to the bar, can you make me a G&T and a Greek Fire for Edgar.

Walter - hee hee. Don't forget the the mental conversation of "Why can't Santa put her in my stocking for Christmas!"

general_boy said...

Oh no!

It really is tiresome when you seem to be conversing with one after another "unit". Look on the bright side though... at least you didn't have to sit through them batting on about their kiddies!

Sarah said...

Phil- LOL! I will try that next time! That would be HILARIOUS!!!

General_boy- I know a lot of people who are pregnant now, so I think I have nine good months before that starts happening :)


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