~Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Cell Phones Versus Little Black Books, Round Two

Scorpy's post on the twelve steps of Blogging Singles Anonymous sparked a hilarious discussion on drunk dialing.

I am a notorious drunk dialer. Scratch that. I'm a notorious booty-calling drunk dialer. (Was that really my Valentine's post from last year? I'm such a tool.) If I'm going to call someone drunk, I'm going to have fun with it: I'm going to sing songs, tell stories, act out parts of plays, etc. There was the incident where Conor and I got drunk and played a tin flute into his mother's answering machine while singing about his roommate's magical forest. There may or may not have been a bongo accompaniment. I still remember waking up the next morning to his mother screaming in his answering machine over the message. So hilarious.

It's gotten to the point that I refuse to put a boy's number in my phone. My phone is just too accessible and I'm too unpredictable. If for some reason I do need to call a boy, I immediately delete his number from my call log, otherwise I'll scroll through it when I'm drunk. I'm less likely to drunk dial my friends, but when I do, they know me well enough to appreciate the message and take it for what it's worth. Conor is a huge fan of my messages.

Of course there is an incident that made me delete all boys' numbers. I hadn't heard from a particular boy in a month and after a happy-hour-turned-all-nighter, I slid open my cell phone and pressed the call button next to his picture. In between uncontrollable bouts of laughter, I sang this entire song on his voice mail:


Needless to say, I never heard from him again.

What was the worst drunk dial you ever made?

27 comments:

Pinky said...

hmmmm. there was once a message on my exs answerphone (he wasn't an ex at the time) that went something like:
"yuzzz bestas no be azzasizclu elze i be mad"

right well.
turns out i was trying to say
"you'd better not be at a strip clud or i'll be mad"

Pinky said...

oh i also called him shouting

"CHICKEN, CHICKEN. Thez fuckin chicken all ovaz floor"

yeah, i dropped my chicken and chips and couldn't bend down to pick it up

megan said...

i called my ex a "little b**ch" once on his answering machine once. he was very cowardly throughout the break up process.

Sarah said...

Pinky - I'm a slurer too! OMG hilarious on the chicken one! I once called and told someone I couldn't take my pants off, something like "Pants no go bye-bye."

Megan- That was a message I should have left! Repeatedly.

adventure boy said...

I'm a drunken texter. I remember texting this girl once at 5 a.m. She and I had been out drunk before and had expressed hot sexual desire for each other. So I figured it was ok to text when I had stumbled home one morning. "Fancy some late night scrabble" the message read. Not even misspelt. She was very unhappy and we haven't spoken since. Am I a weirdo?

Sarah said...

Adventure Boy- Scrabble, that is so hot! If you're weird for texting about Scrabble, then a straitjacket awaits me for singing a 3 minute song about peeing on someone :)

londongirl said...

Too many drunken texts to mention (including one to an excolleague who I'd always fancied - eek - his current g/f replied and told me to fuck off and get my own boyfriend).

And AB - I hope scrabble was shorthand for something. If not, then yes, you are a wierdo.

jedimerc said...

I've never really drunk dialed anyone (or texting, but I don't text), though I have received several drunk dials from my ex (when were still married of course), after she had too much tequila and I happened to be out of town. Oh, to have been home...

Most of my drunk incindents have, alas, all been in person...

Jen said...

When I lived in Japan I had a horrible habit of drunk dialing...what's the big deal you ask? I was dialing friends in Canada!! And an ex too...stupid stupid stupid.

I too am quilty of one too many drunken texts...

Phil said...

My last drunk dial was to the Pizza Hut 1800 customer comment line, asking for the meaning of life.

They returned my call two days later.

Apparently it's their new meatball pizza.

Most of my drunk calls tend to be "I'm having a wonderful time and you're not. Na Na Na Na!"

Surprisingly it doesn't lead to booty calls.

Haven't tried singing though...

Jen said...

guilty not quilty :P

M said...

ROFL, I have never drunk dialed. I make absolutely no sense in real life when drunk (seriously I make up words) I'd HATE to think of what I'd say into the 'safety' of the receiver.

mist1 said...

I don't remember my drunk dialing moments. I leave that to other people. I avoid their calls for weeks, if necessary.

Amber said...

Sarah, you had me laughing so hard I almost peed on MYSELF! Haha.

Uhmm... too many incidents to count. I once called a guy I had partied with in California while living there. I was sitting outside, smoking a cigarette, completely shit-faced and I wanted him to come give me a hand up.

I've never drunk-dialed an ex. Usually my friends take my cell when I start talking about it; they know what I say when I'm SOBER, much less under the influence. However, my poor friends have gotten drunk-dialed quite a few times at 3am. I'm a very happy drunk though and like to laugh and tell them the fuzzy stories that are swimming in my head. Sometimes I even nod off while on the phone with them. But because I'm so giggly and articulate - I know they don't mind being awakened to the shrilling of a telephone in the wee hours of the morning.

Right?

(Please note the sarcasm, mmk? lol)

Scorpy said...

I want to keep their numbre on my phone so I can see who is calling but when I'm drunk its too easy to call them up. There should be a way to bar outgoing calls to people that you wouldn't talk to sober :)

Sarah said...

LondonGirl- Omigosh, did she say it was her in the text! How awful!

Jedimerc- In person? I hope there wasn't a camera around!

Jen- How much did that cost you!? And what was the time difference!?

Phil- You have Pizza Hut in Oz? I worked there one summer. Just be nice to the delivery drivers, or else they'll take your pizza in the bathroom with them before going to your house. No lie. I haven't eaten there since I quit.

M- You would probably be a hilarious drunk dialer!

Mist1- That's the worst! When you're sober and they whip out their phones and play the message back to you. No thank you!

Amber- I don't think I've ever drunk dialed an ex either, but I'm not entirely sure. Yes, I know those: can't take off my pants, can't make my bed, all those are phone calls asking for help!

Scorpy- You know what I do? I program their names to Do Not Answer 1, Do Not Answer 2, etc. That way I know not to pick up the phone and I won't know who is who say I can't call them back :)

Jen said...

We will not talk about cost...although I was never too worried as I was making more than enough to cover it. It wasn't every weekend....but at least once a month my best friend would get a call.

The time difference is 14 hours. So at 3 am on a sunday morning it was 4 in the afternoon on Sat back home...it usually worked out pretty well to reach people.

Miss Natalie said...

I also do the drunk booty call - must must must stop that!

Anonymous said...

yeah must not do drunk calls... very bad hahahaha:-)

Swagato
http://www.bhattaswagato.info

Chopsticks said...

My worst was a drunken text-booty-call to SBNB. We had had a bit of a thing a few months before... but it was most definitely over between us and I had told him in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to be friends he had to make the next move...then I texted him (like 3 nights later) it was bad enough that he texted me the next day saying "Oh darling. Careful how much you drink! Hope you are okay." and when I replied he responded with "Glad you are alive". I turn my phone off when I feel myself getting tipsy now, so that hopefully the drunk dials and texts don't happen.

Sarah said...

Jen- So it was near drinking time for them. Not too bad!

Miss Natalie- I've stopped, but only because I refuse to keep any of those numbers in my phone :)

Chopsticks- Ooh I have a very similar story.

general_boy said...

I had a couple of freinds years ago who one long weekend when I was away, filled up my answering machine memory with a serialized story. They took turns, and the whole thing ran for about 20 minutes. I remember walking in and hitting the playback button the first time, and going "WTF?", but then cracking up. I kept it for weeks!!!!

Sarah said...

General Boy- Those sound like my kind of people! Do you remember what the story was about?

general_boy said...

Ummm... it had Wizards, dwarfs and a forest I think, but I also recall an oddly pervy subtext. I wish I'd made a copy now!!!

CoatMan said...

Sarah: I was on the receiving end of what I can only assume must have been a drunk text once (although it was suspiciously early in the evening: before nine p.m. on a mid-week night) from a rather attractive young woman whom I had previously written off as uninterested (having not replied to a text message some time before asking her out: I realise that I probably should have called; I live and learn). I had decided to send her a friendly text about how she was getting on in her new job on the train on the way home once, and I got a friendly reply, and continued in the same vein for a short while.

The thing is, when I get home, I divert voice calls to my landline and turn my mobile off. So, it was not until the next morning that I received the following messages:

"Fancy a shag?"

and, timestamped about fifteen minutes later,

"Well?"

In hindsight, replying by first of all explaining (in detail) why I hadn't received her message the night before, stating, "Can't shag now - on way to court", and then asking her out was probably not the best move, since I never heard from her again (until I bumped into her the following year). Apparently, there's a whole etiquette surrounding these so-called "booty calls". It seems that I've yet to learn it (not that I have had any opportunity since to put any such learning into effect, alas).

Sarah said...

General Boy- AHAHAHA! That sounds like the song we sang about Conor's roommate's magical forest!!!

Coatman- First off: don't ask a girl out via text message. It's tacky.

I didn't know there was an etiquette regarding booty calls, I just ignore them and don't bring them up if I'm not in the mood.

CoatMan said...

"First off: don't ask a girl out via text message. It's tacky..."

Note to self: I am an idiot. Hit self several times over head with trout. Chantelle was interesting and intelligent and pretty...

 

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