~Monday, March 12, 2007

Please excuse our mess: I apologize in advance for all the clichés.

E finally responded to my note to her explaining my feelings that I sent over a month ago. It was two sentences long:

I haven't responded until now because I wanted to give you some space. I really hope that one day you will be able to forgive me, but I will understand if you can't.
My nostrils flared as I scrolled down to see if there was more that somehow fell off the screen and lain jumbled by my Start menu, but that was not the case. Underneath her pseudo-apology rested my initial reaction: a screen's worth of feelings and emotions. They weren't pleasant for her to read, I'm sure, but at least I gave her the courtesy of communicating and knowing how I felt. I was rewarded with a month long silence and glares in bathroom that led me to start running to a different floor just to pee.

I actually hated that she responded. Her response put the ball in my court and now the future of our relationship is going to be my fault. I'm the one who has to say, "This just isn't working for me." At least when I put everything out there and got nothing back, I was satisfied that I did everything I could. Now I'm saddled with actually making the decision of do I do more, or do I just cut my losses?

I was going to write back over the weekend, but I was out with friends on Friday and spent the rest of the weekend with Jack and time had just not presented itself. I don't have time tonight either.

As I walked out the front door of the office to take the stairs down to the next floor to pee, I passed E. And she smiled at me.

Now I have no idea what I'm going to do.


Vince said...

Um... forgive, because it will lower your stress level, don't forget, because her behaviour will likely be the same in the future.

general_boy said...

Yeah, that's hard when you are seeing that person all the time. The "freind" I cut off last year at least lives in another state ( although this is his home town ).

I never gave him an explanation, for the exact reason you've found - it fires off a back and forth blame / rebuke thing that ends up with you in some way enabling how poorly they treated you.

This is a toughie... would have been a lot easier if she ignored you and never smiled... then you could all just get on with it...

James said...

To err is human, to forgive divine. Not always easy, but makes you feel better too.

Two Drink Girl said...

Say you forgive her, you harbor no ill feelings. However, you can no longer be friends with someone who shows so little remorse.

Indiana said...

Some times, you just have to say goodbye to bad friends...sure it hurts in the immediate, but you feel so much better for it in the long run.

Walter said...

Time for some closure. Everyone is giving the right advice, forgive the numskull, be nice and proper in public towards her, but your friendship is more appropriate with other people as well as your time.

SuvvyGirl said...

Ah female friends. Drama surrounds them no matter what happens...hence why I always had guy friends save for my one best girl friend. I guess I would probably say give her another chance. You don't have to make her your ultimate best friend or confidante but maybe test the waters and see if she learned anything from all of this. If not, then distance yourself and leave her be.

dont eat token said...

Wait a month and see how you feel, don't respond. Table her.

Phil said...

No the ball is still in her court Sarah. There is no apology in that note.

You're way classier than she'll ever be.

Sarah said...

Vince- I think I already have.

General Boy- I just can't stand rejecting people. I just hope I can stand by my convictions.

James- I'm not even angry anymore, but I still don't know about the friendship.

Two Drink Girl- I know! It was so impersonal! Nothing about us being friends for so long! No emotion! WTF!

Indiana- I don't think I've ever severed ties with a friend before. I hope you're right.

Walter- I admit I am a little surprised that everyone feels the same way: to move on.

Suvvygirl- That's what I said!! What happened to all my guy friends!?

Don't Eat Token- Ha! That's good advice and hilarious!

Phil- I sorta felt like it was another crappy e-mail from her too.

Miss Natalie said...

I tend to 'let the friendship drift away' more than have the talk. Maybe a sit down discussion is what you need. Is she one to just forget issues and move on? Are you someone who keeps everything bottles up and one day explode?

Good luck and remember vodka is your friend.

Kaylen said...

I have a similar situation right now with a female friend. I don't feel that she has treated me well in a couple situations and I have just stopped calling her. I voiced my concerns to her as they came up and she blew me off.
It's hard to let go, but sometimes you have to....you can forgive, but you don't have to go back to the past.

M said...

hm, I think you really need to decide whether you want to be her friend or not. If not, just write her a nice - thanks I got your message email and then just leave it. No need to have it out with her it seems she'll just use it as ammo later anyway.

If you do want to be her friend then you both really need to just put it behind you and move on.

Sarah said...

Miss Natalie- I bottle and explode, so I don't know what I should do.

Kaylen- That seems to be happening a lot lately. I'm sorry.

M- I've sat on it a few days and I'm back to not wanting it anymore.


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