~Friday, May 04, 2007

Board Games

Jack moved his queen into the center of my fortress, disabling me from moving any of my pieces because somehow they had all managed to cover each other. The only unaffected pieces were my bishop and a rook that was on the other side of the chess board for a reason I could no longer remember.

My birthday party was the night before, and it was a huge success. Which means when Jack called that morning, I could barely form sentences after not knowing I was in my own bed. He gave me 45 minutes' notice that he was on his way to pick me up for lunch and I was doing my best to find a glass of water and an aspirin. Lunch ended up being a sandwich from the grocery store because I couldn't fathom sitting down in public and ordering a heavy meal.

So it was no surprise I was losing at chess.

He hadn't managed to capture any of my pieces save the occasional Desperado pawn, but he had just managed to lock them down, making them useless to me. I tipped my bishop and rolled its edge inside the square while I looked for a place to put it. "I hate you," I said.

"I know," Jack bent his head down and looked into his lap. "Believe me, I know," he said a little softer.

I sat the bishop back up and looked at Jack. The games I had been playing with Jack had succeeded in that he knew I wasn't going to let him dictate the strategy, but at what cost? Now he sat on the other side of the board thinking that I dislike him. Why is he sprawled out on my living room floor if he thinks I don't like him? Why did he come at all?

Jack is so quick to say that he's not good at relationships, but maybe I'm not either. When he got upset with me for my Friday night out, I realized that I never considered his feelings when I organized the night. I told him it was the same people that were out on Tuesday, driving the point home that he didn't come out for that night either. It's been so long since I've done the relationship thing that I forgot my actions affect someone else.

And now I've hurt him not once, but twice.

Play nice, Sarah, I sometimes have to remind myself.

And then I took his rook with my bishop.


M said...

happy birthday! :)

You're not the only one playing games - the difference is that he's used to winning.

dont eat token said...

I love how you intertwined the chess game with your story. I love reading your writing!

And I care much about how you're doing. Sounds OK ... you're feeling stronger, he's sounding more humble.


James said...

"And then I took his rook with my bishop." You're a hard girl Sarah ;-)

phoenix said...

you're definitely stronger, and don't feel bad about that.:-)

Res said...

I don't play chess, so I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

The relationship can be understood without the chess game though...

...I think. :)

xx,res~~final comment. (take care, Sweetie)

general_boy said...

Why are all the nicest people born in May? ;)

Happy B'day!

Anonymous said...

(1) happy belated birthday!

(2) i have no idea what you people are doing to each other. lol. first i was on your side feeling like he was treating you badly. then i was on his side. now i'm just confused. lol.



(I play chess, so I know what you're talking about.)

And, I sooo know what you mean about the relationship stuff. I usually have long bouts of single living in between relationships. And, sometimes, when I start dating again, I forget that there's another person involved in my life. I just continue making decisions as if I'm the only person affected by my actions.

But, here's the question: is that always necessarily a bad thing?

My answer?

No, it's not.

londongirl said...

You've hurt him twice. Maybe. But how often has he hurt you?

Hope it's all going well tho.


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