~Thursday, July 12, 2007

This ugly fight

Scott said he'd call tonight and he didn't. I wanted him to. He said we weren't over--he didn't even have to think about it. But I don't know why he wants to be with me.

He just flipped out exactly like he did on Friday. We were in bed together and I said if I wasn't moving fast enough for him, I could stop. He agreed and I called his bluff. Then he got up, got dressed, and began packing everything he had here. He said he was drunk. He said he didn't want to be here anymore and he wanted to go home. I began to cry; I didn't know what I did wrong. I grabbed his arm. Stay. Talk to me. He yelled at me not to touch him. But I didn't know what I did wrong. I stood in front of the door and told him to be a man and talk to me. He ripped my robe sleeve trying to move me out of the way. He didn't touch me, just tried to move me by my sleeve and it ripped. It's an old robe, but it surprised me. I dropped to the floor thinking if I looked small he would lighten up, but instead he tugged me out of the way of the door.

Just this morning we were talking about Fight or Flight Syndrome and I said I was a fighter and he said he flees. He fled.

He was so great to me, even up to the minute he flipped out. He was my first chance at love in years and I don't know what I did wrong. He said he would call, but didn't. I wanted him to call. I wanted him to apologize and tell me how sorry he was. Instead I had the police sent to my door when I was naked. They searched my closets and asked me to press charges. I said he never touched me. He said we were still together. I don't know why he would say that after this ugly fight.

I wonder who he called, what he's feeling. Does he think he fucked things up? Is he sorry? We had the perfect morning this morning. We woke up at 4:30 a.m. and I laid on him while we watched TV. The world was asleep, but we were awake and it felt like our little secret. He cooked me breakfast. We played around in the pool. He told me I was fun. Then he snapped and I don't know what I did wrong. I was happy this morning. Now I'm shaking and I'm scared. I thought he liked me. Everyone did. I can't remember the last time I was treated as great and as loving as him. I thought this was my chance. He said we were still together. I wish he called like he said he would. We were so happy. I don't know what I did wrong.

18 comments:

Chelle said...

I don't think it's anything you did wrong. I think the boy has some issues that have nothing to do with you.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Chelle. It sucks, but maybe it's best for now.

*kb* said...

I'm so sorry Sarah and it's definitely not you!! I know you will hear from him and I hope he's able to open up and provide you with some answers. *kb*

J said...

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Like the others said it sounds like he has some major issues to deal with. Take care of yourself. *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Sarah, this is starting to sound like abuse. This is how it went when I was in it. When you are bouncing from great to horrible and you didn't do anything but you are walking on eggshells trying to keep things from going bad... that is the start. It doesn't get better from there unless the abuser makes a change. And you CANNOT make it change, you CANNOT do something different to make him ok. Back off and regroup with people you know you can trust. Right now, that isn't him.

Two Drink Girl said...

I'm with Chelle as well...you don't deserve any of this, and it's terrible.

M said...

It's probably not something you did but maybe something you've triggered in HIM, something that he thought he'd dealt with before but obviously hadn't.

It doesn't sound straight forward - whatever it is..

Peach said...

"he said he was drunk"

probably explains a bit?

Might have some drink/anger issues creeping out. Hang in there for a bit, but if it's happening too much (or as he calls it "fucking things up") you might be best to get him a therapist...

But it's not you... and he will call...

ruthie said...

walk away. you do not need this. don't settle for anything less than the very best.

Drama Queen said...

Fight or Flight Syndrome - beat me to it girl.

Until he's ready to fight for you he's not the one for you.

X

nicole said...

i agree with what basically everyone has been saying. it's not you, he has some issues that he obviously has not dealt with, or thought he did, but obviously hasn't. plus, is being drunk really an excuse for him to treat you so poorly? that just sounds like an excuse. and i know it was your robe, and he didn't actually touch you. but you need to make sure he never does. cause you definitely don't deserve that.

Blue Soup said...

oh hunny, I'm sorry to hear this. And I would only say exactly the same as everyone else! Keep your pretty little chin up babe x

M-Joy said...

Why do you think you did something wrong? How did the cops get at the door? And do you still want him to call?

You said if you weren't moving fast enough for him you could stop. He agreed. You called the bluff.

Is that why? I don't think it is you doing something wrong but I can see why you would think that.

August said...

This is my first time commenting but I have been reading for a while. I feel intrusive commenting on people’s blogs even though I know bloggers really enjoy comments. Anyway, I wanted to comment because from the beginning of your time with Scott I haven’t been as much on the bandwagon as everyone else. People seemed to like that he came on very strong but I didn’t see it that way. One example that sticks out to me was when you said he called you repeatedly in one night. I think you are at the bar listening to the Musician play. That would totally put me off if a guy called 5 times in the course of a night. I would feel like he was checking up on me or being controlling. And the way he acted with your friends, it just seemed like he was trying very hard to look like a great person and boyfriend when really it doesn’t take that much effort if you are just being yourself. So I think that he has exhibited the behaviors he’s showing to you now before, at the beginning he tries to be Mr. Perfect when really he is far from. He reminds me of an abusive boyfriend of a best friend of mine. Anyway, I really think you should let yourself go of him, no one deserves to be treated like that and you should not be walking around on eggshells for anyone. This is the very beginning of the relationship, there should be just happiness and fun. I really am pulling you to find someone right for you and I definitely think Scott is not right.

Single Girl said...

Wow. Totally not what I thought would happen. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. Sounds like he has some issues esp. since this stuff came out when he was drunk. That's never good. I had an ex who would ALWAYS pick fights when he got drunk. I will never again be with someone who does that. Keep us updated and don't settle, you deserve to be treated like a queen!

Ms Pretend said...

I agree. It's his stuff. It is so hard though when our moods are affected by the ones we love.

Peach said...

Hey you, hope you're ok. Bit trivial, but hope you might smile, have awarded you a Rocking Girl Blogger Award

Angel Girl said...

I completely agree with everyone in here.. IT'S DEFINITELY NOT ANYTHING YOU DID! He has some deep rooted issues that he needs to deal with before getting into a relationship again. I truly believe he genuinely likes you or those issues wouldn't be hitting him so hard right now. In my experience if someone repeatedly says "I'm not worth you fretting over.. i'm just a guy/girl" then take their word over it.

You are spectacular, wonderful, fun, funny, smart and so many other things.. just try not to beat yourself up over this too much. Move on and learn from it.. you WILL find someone worthy of YOU someday!

 

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