~Thursday, September 13, 2007

Baby Steps

Sometimes I like to put on my PJs and watch TV in bed immediately after work. However, with Scott being over nonstop the last month or so, I've hidden my single behavior by changing into jeans and lounging in the living room. But this was a cloudy day and Scott had a spreadsheet and needed to talk; I put on the PJs, pulled my blankets to my chin, and turned on my Grey's Anatomy DVD.

When Scott walked in the door and saw me in bed, he chuckled to himself. Then he sat on top of the covers and pulled me to his chest. I flipped off the DVD and instead turned on the news. Baby steps.

"Where's the spreadsheet?" I asked after a couple minutes of silence.

"I accidentally left it at work."

"Well what did you want to talk about?"

"I don't want to tell you without the spreadsheet," he mumbled.

"Scott, you cannot say 'we need to talk' and not do it! That's just the rules!"

He shifted and looked back to the newscast. "Well, I made a spreadsheet of all my bills, and of all your bills--I didn't know to be exact, so I guessed on a few of them--and I figured out that if we move in together, I'll save about $200 a month, but you'll save over $500 a month."

Drool collected in the corner of my mouth and my eyes glazed over. $500 a month. What I could do with $500 a month. I could finally put together a nice down payment on a new car and then afford a monthly payment on said car. I could buy clothes again. I could start saving real money and afford real vacations... I could live like a normal person and not as an imposter in a nice neighborhood like I have been for the past year and a half...

Then my mind wrapped around what Scott was really saying. Scott wanted to move in my apartment. Scott wanted to move in together.

My pretty, little loft is exactly that: little. It's the most efficient use of 600 square feet (66 m2) I've seen outside of an IKEA showroom, and it's fine for my dog and me, but I don't believe it's big enough for two people, even if they do share a bed. With it's open floor plan and half-walls, there are no doors to slam when someone gets angry. I spent four hours the other weekend cleaning out my closet to try to make room for a shirt or two of his, and I came out with about six inches of space for him.

And that's another thing: it's my closet and my air-conditioning. Scott knows better than to touch either. If he gets hot, he'll tell me and I'll bump the AC; under no terms is he to touch it. Ever. I'm territorial and this is my apartment. It would be difficult for me to realize that if he moved in, he could do what he wanted with the AC.

"When were you thinking about moving in?" I asked. His lease is up in March, and mine is up in April; maybe I wouldn't be so crazy over ACs and hanger space if we found a neutral apartment together.

"That would be up to you."

"What about April?"

Scott frowned. "Er, I wasn't thinking of waiting that long. I can get out of my lease now if I wanted to. I'm serious about you, Sarah. I want to see where this goes."

But it's only been three months! my head shrilled. At five years my senior, moving in together is probably not as big a deal for Scott as it is for me. He's been married and has had at least one live-in girlfriend that I know of. He's done this before; I haven't. I've always done what Scott and I fell into--staying over semi-permanently but still having another place to go to should he/she need it. Not counting the fact my parents would shit actual bricks if I lived in sin. Especially since they haven't heard me even mention a boy's name in two years and had probably written me off for the girl squad. To all of a sudden have a boyfriend and be living with him... it's too much.

"I'm not ready," I stated. Look at me, the girl who wanted everything Scott's given me, turn him down.

"But I haven't even been in my apartment but four or so nights in the past six weeks," he countered. "Even when you were on vacation, I stayed here. We're actually wasting money because I'm here anyway."

"But there is security in knowing you have your own place, even if you don't use it." And I kissed that $500 a month goodbye.

"How did Scott take it?" Amber texted back when I told her the news.

"Fine. He had to know it was too soon," I wrote back. I never even considered he could take it any other way.


kimberly said...

You made me laugh with out loud the 'living in sin' comment. My parents would shit a brick too. I was back at this spot last year... three month relationship... he wanted to move two hours south and move in with me. New career, new life. Way too fast. I ended up breaking up with him soon after, but I didn't like him half as much as it sounds like you like scott.

Goodluck. I like my space too. Cherish it actually. Definitely love the security that you can send them home if they start to annoy!

J said...

Moving in is a big step and I don't blame you for hesitating and saying you are not ready. On the plus side this proves that he is serious about you. Good luck with everything!

Paige Jennifer said...

Any relationship decision hinging on financial windfall is destined for destruction. Well played, girly. Well played.

dont eat the token said...

Oh my gosh, *whew*
I am so proud of you for sticking to your guns. Those guns would be your security and sense of self, instead of cash.

It's also his choice to not stay in his own place!

I have a pretty big townhouse and I still can't live with Jukebox. So my brother moved in with me instead ... Until I can share the A/C I know better. But I finally found 1/7th of the closet space for him and gave him one big shelf in another. And now he's storing stuff in my garage ... Baby steps. :)

Venting said...

I think you made the right decision. Moving in together to save money is the very last reason to move in with someone. I mean, McDreamy and I never lived together before buying the house.

Read this to give you a different perspective... http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20050614-000001.html

M said...

See the good thing with this is that you can move in together later.

I'm totally territorial too :)

AmyD said...

Give it a few more months and revisit it. I definitely think 3 months is too soon...I did it at 8 months though, so I guess I can't really talk?... Ha!

Hopefully Scott really took it as well as you think he did. You might just bring it up again in a couple days and tell him that this decision has nothing to do with you not loving him or not wanting him in your life, and everything to do with the fact that up until him, it was just you trying to make it on your own. A little reassurance goes a LONG way! He seems to be pretty sensitive about things (in a good way, overall), that's why I say this. ;o)

Glad you stayed true to yourself! Good work!

*kb* said...

The ex-bf of three years moved in with me three months after we started dating. It was his idea and I just went with it....it didn't work hence the "ex". Good for you for standing up for what you want. I also agree with pj, it shouldn't be about saving money, although an extra $500 does sound quite appealing!! :-)

Anonymous said...

Paige Jennifer is a wise woman. I couldn't have responded any better than she. Take her words as wisdom.

When it's really right, it won't be about money at all... though I really doubt in this situation it is about the money... he does seem so in love.

Amber said...

I so heart Grey's Anatomy. You do know that the season premiere is Thursday, Sept. 27th - right? DON'T MISS IT! And Private Practice is Wednesday, Sept. 26th. I'm looking forward to both of them and I'm making my parents DVR them for me until I get my own place.


The time will come soon enough when it's right for you and Scott to move in together. I think he had good intentions, but you were definitely right when you said it was too soon. I'm proud of you, chicky, for sticking to your guns - even in the face of $500/mth extra! lol.

londongirl said...

Hon. I think you're right to consider a new neutral place together - I think it's always an odd balance if you move into one person's existing place.

But I wouldn't panic about the three months thing. If it's right, it's right - and it certainly seems right!

SuvvyGirl said...

Glad he took it well. Plus I'm sure you could work up your own "spreadsheet" of how to save money. And maybe you guys can look at the living together aspect when both of your leases have run it's course and you've been together longer. Smart decision :)

Drama Queen said...

Oh my god the spread-sheet. First day BF and I moved in together he produced this god damn spreadsheet that showed MY 'maximum saving potential' (as well as his). Somehow he got access to my in-goings/out-goings and mis-judged it all badly. . .(he thought a hair cut would cost me 20 euros).

I cried. And I still cry when I see the blasted thing (which now has a years history of every transaction we have made).

We are about to buy our third appartment though so I'll give him some credit. But only some.

Single Girl said...

Yeah, 3 months is absolutely way too soon to be moving in together. If it's meant to be, it will still be meant to be when you've been together longer than 3 months. Saving money is no reason to move in together. There are definitely other ways to cut spending - less Starbucks, less eating out, less drinking out, less drinking, more cooking in, renting movies instead of going out to the movies, giving yourself an allowance, etc.

It was still really sweet of him to suggest it though, he sounds like such a good guy and like he really cares about you. Yay!!

Peach said...

yeah it's too soon and from what you say, a neutral, new place, at the later date mooted, April, sounds a lot more sensible.

part of me wanted to write DO IT DO IT DO IT though, only cause it really does sound like you have A Good Thing, so every time's The Right Time.

But nah, you're right


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