~Monday, October 01, 2007

Five Days

Thursday night I abandoned my end of Scott's dresser behind my couch in the living room. The black piece of furniture laid stark against my white carpet and muted couch. It was then it sank in: Oh my god, Scott's things are going to touch my things. It was one thing to have Scott over sleeping in my bed, using my towels, and drinking out of my glasses, but that black dresser... his things are going to touch my things.

I collapsed woozily on the floor, with my back resting against the back of the couch and my legs stretched out in front of me. I was dizzy and overwhelmed and I didn't know if it was from the pint of blood I donated earlier that afternoon or one of my anxiety attacks. It was probably a little bit of both. I was glad Scott was back at my truck fishing out the dresser drawers and not witnessing my doubt.

I had been living in my new apartment for a week and a half when Scott got the call from his landlord. Apparently Scott had told him he was interested in breaking his lease when he originally asked to move in with me. His landlord had begun showing his apartment and found a renter and he was to be out by the first of October. When Scott received the call, we were sitting at my new kitchen table and looking over our hypothetical budget should we ever move in together.

He didn't even ask me. We both already knew. I was tired of fighting what felt like every move in the universe pushing us to live together.

He hung up the phone and we went back to the newest spreadsheet as if the call never came in. "Rent is late by 6:00 pm on the 3rd, so you give me your half of rent when you get paid on the 20th and I will be responsible for it," I said, pointing my finger to the rent box and the payday column. "How many days do we have until October first?"

"Five days."

I groaned. Another fast move. Another fast move in two weeks.

And now his dresser was in my living room.

It was just his dresser. We wouldn't have time to move anything else until Sunday. We had my annual company party on Friday and his mother's birthday dinner on Saturday, so I had time to adjust with his dresser in my house.

I was nervous and scared, but I was also excited. I've never lived with a boyfriend before. I have a loft in the city with my boyfriend and my dog. I get up every morning and put on ironed clothes before I go to my 9-to-5. It sounds like someone's else's sophisticated life—not mine.

I got up off the floor and pushed Scott's dresser through my bedroom door and straight into the closet. No one would see it anyway.

20 comments:

Indiana said...

So gettign what you want is a scary thing huh?

M said...

sounds like fun to me :)

J said...

It is your sophisticated life!! You deserve all to be happy. I can't wait to hear more!

Paige Jennifer said...

Oh please, I'd be regularly relying on a brown paper bag to manage my hyperventilation. Congrats on your next step, black furniture and all!

Vandie said...

I've really have enjoyed reading your site, but I'm so not really getting this latest development. Maybe either you should admit that this is something you want and try to just dive in and love it, or do something about it not being what you want. But listening to you write about this as if you're a victim of circumstances is just irritating. I mean, who lets a a roommate be something that just happens to them?

Drama Queen said...

You go girl.

I always think I am a grown up when I run out of things (eg toothpaste, toilet roll etc) and I have spares ready to replace them! This is something I would never have done when I lived alone. . .

Enjoy!!

aj said...

Read for a while (link through from FBC), but now have the urge to make a comment as totally agree with Vandie don't get this latest development at all! and as a past commentor said "you're trying to tell your readers why Scott is living with you instead of just owning up to the fact that you want him there"
I think your feelings are conflicting with your conservative background and the shock of moving in with someone after only a couple of months ..just go with it ..you're beginning to sound phoney.

lowly peasant errand girl said...

I understand your hesitation. It's a big step! And everything has been happening so fast. Goodluck with it, go with it, and remember that the worst thing that could happen is he has to move back out. But enjoy it, he sounds like a great guy!

kristin b said...

you sound so true with everything you're saying. i think i'd be right there with you having a panic attack and then 5 minutes later smiling at the sight of him standing there in front of you. i do not like giving up my space. i do not like change. actually, i hate change. but this change sounds like it might be the right thing for you. plus, who can ignore all the signs!? :)

*kb* said...

Pushing the dresser in the closet! LOL!! Have fun and try to relax!!!

Single Girl said...

All I can say is, if this is what you want, I understand being scared, but just go for it! But if it's not what you want, just because he's on the lease, doesn't mean he has to move in, you could have done the paperwork. I guess it's too late now, but I have to agree with some others and say that it seems like you were just too scared to admit that after dating someone for only 3 months, you wanted to move in with him. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, but embrace it, don't be scared of it, you made the decision! Have fun with it all and yes, this is your life!

Tilly said...

I completely understand the anxiety, but remember that you are NOT trapped. It doesn't have to be permanent. Just go with it and take it day by day.

And breathe. And be in love. And HAVE FUN!

And, clearly, listen to everything I say. I'm not bossy. At all.

Peach said...

to those who commented and said you're sounding x xx or whatever... I think you sound nervous, yet you love him and there's no immediate reason to feel nervous apart from the fact it's way to early, from what I can make out, and there are still bog reservations... I agree if you'd wanted to, you could have stopped him moving in, but I see very clearly you want this too, just that you aren't sure..

Stop slating her you lot!

Peach said...

sorry, am on a new laptop, not used to the keys... I mean way TOO early and BIG reservations (!)

M-Joy said...

Isn't it strange that we ask/wish/pray/hope for something for our entire lives and then one day we look up and voila...there it is. There it's been for a while and we just didn't realize it and now that we have we're totally and completely freaked out by the fact that we've actually gotten what we've always wanted?

Trish Ryan said...

Sometimes it takes awhile to fit into a new life. It's like we're little goldfish in a giant tank and we need to grow into our space. Other times the life just doesn't fit. I guess figuring this out is the behind the scenes part of most of our sophisticated lives :)

Venting said...

Wow. Big development. I feel happy for you (woohoo!) and weird that this sort of just 'happened'.

Moving in together is a BIG step that changes the WHOLE DYNAMIC of your relationship (caps for emphasis).

I've moved in with 2 boyfriends now, and the first one just 'happened'. I had just moved back from London, living at my mom's house and hating it, spending ALL my time at my bf's apartment. Before I knew it all my stuff was there and I was living with someone.

It becomes SO HARD to see things objectively when you're living together and getting out of a stagnant situation becomes so difficult. I left it for four years because I didn't have the energy to go through the whole, "Who gets what" scenario. And it wasn't BAD. It was just MEH with a couple good spots in between.

I don't know. I would be very cautious. McDreamy and I dated a year before moving in and it wasn't enough. I wish I had left it longer, honestly. It's been two months and we're still adjusting to the kinks of sharing space, and that's with a year of being a solid couple behind us.

Anonymous said...

I never comment but... just a word of advice if you keep allowing yourself to worry about the what if's and how things will work and you tell yourself your not really ready and this is kind of a victim of circumstance situation, you will create that into your space and there will be negative feelings that come along with it.

Just enjoy what you have and don't sweat the small stuff.

dont eat the token said...

Jukebox has a tiny dresser in my closet. It's not a shameful thing!

copasetic fish said...

you're very brave, dear. i don't even like people driving me places, let alone moving into my home. this might be your litmus test.

 

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