~Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Drink, Drank, Drunk


In the past 25 days, Scott has not had any liquor. To my knowledge. I feel the need to add that there. I don't think he has had any at all, but addicts are excellent hiders. Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters with their relative plots have been spot on every week to the point where I ask Scott about it.

But the monitoring of liquor has made me become conscious of Scott's drinking. While I would go three weeks and then have half a glass of wine, Scott continued to drink more. And more. After a while I noticed he would take beer to work with him in the morning. When he came home for lunch, he'd drink a few. There was always a silver can in his hand. Another cigarette, another beer.

On the Sunday in which we went to my father's Thanksgiving dinner, Scott drank an entire bottle of wine before noon. Blue laws in my state prohibit the sale of any alcohol on Sundays, and my wine was the only alcohol in the house. Scott actually bought it for me. It was a new kind of wine from my favorite vineyard, and he bought it so I could try it. I still don't know what it tastes like.

After a couple of weeks of this, I asked Scott to stop drinking altogether. "I think it's the best Christmas present you could give your mom," I encouraged.

Scott rested his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. "I need to stop drinking," he confessed. "If I was being honest with you, I would tell you that when I come home for lunch, my hands shake from not having any alcohol."

"Well then you need to stop."

"I'm going to," he resolved. "People think you quit cold turkey, but you can't--it's dangerous. It's going to take a couple of weeks, but I have to taper off. It isn't easy."

And the next day Scott came home with a 6-pack instead of a 12-pack. The next morning when I picked up the garbage, I threw away four cans, and I had to pour out beer from two of them. I was so proud of him, and I made sure to tell him that. The rest of the week continued the same: he'd have two to three beers a night. I think only once during that week did he have one during work hours. We were going to do it!

The second week, we weren't so lucky. Scott only has one day a week off--Mondays. And because it's an atypical day off, he spends it alone. He spends it alone sitting on the couch watching TV and slowly getting drunk. That Monday he got up at 5 am to go to the store and get alcohol. He started at 5 am and drank 18 beers that day.

Tuesday he tried harder, coming home with only the six-pack again. Only when he finished the beer, he opened another bottle of wine he bought me as a peace offering and drank the entire bottle within 45 minutes. Not only did he drink my peace offering, but he left me to clean up the puke when he inevitably got sick a few minutes later.

I didn't know he drank the wine until I went to put on my coat and gloves to drive to the store in the middle of the night to buy him Pepto and ginger ale. And when I spied the empty bottle I was angry. Instead of throwing it out, I took out the trash and left the bottle and the cork out alone on the counter.

"And that's why I don't drink wine," he chuckled when he called me at work the next morning. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"I'm worried about your drinking."

"That was not fun," he joked. "I've learned my lesson."

And somehow he made me feel better about the incident. Although now I can't think for the life of me why.


Tilly said...

Holy fuck, Sarah. You are strong. It sounds like he loves you and you love him. I hope that together your love can kick the shite out of his addiction.

Me said...

Sarah, first of all, I think it's super brave and honest with yourself to write about this in a public forum.
I think that's awesome...

And addiction sucks.

And it's hard to beat.

And he might need to go into rehab to do it....at least a detox program...who knows...he's trying, he loves you,that's all that counts. But I am worried about you. Being with an addict is rough...because the addiction is always stronger than anything else.

I keep my fingers and toes crossed that he will manage to kick this. But don't allow it to consume you and who you are. You are neither his mother, nor his nurse.

Me said...

Oh, and the only reason I feel that I have a tad of a clue about this stuff is that,when I was really sick once I was in a hospital and they threw all of into one therapy group...alcoholics, pills, heroine, anorexics ect ect...I lived with them for many many weeks, 7 months actually, and I learned so much about alcoholism...those were people ashamed because they couldn't manage to stop drinking while pregnant, or would drink during school performances of their kids...stuff like that...that's what I meant with "The addiction is stronger than anything else".

I mean.

Holy shit. He pees on your stuff...your bed, your oven....and YOU are the one bringing up with him that he has a problem.....nuff said....stay strong, but take care of YOURSELF...he has to take care of himself.

Paige Jennifer said...

There isn't anything I can say you haven't already thought. And so I'll say this - a random girly living in Philadelphia is thinking about you. I think this might make you the luckiest girl on the planet right now (kidding).


Cath said...

It just sounds so awful.. and self-destructive... and a waste. I hope that he sees what he is doing to hurt you and your relationship. I hope that he gets help and stops. A lifetime of this crap is not what you need..... Us here on the interwebs are hoping for you...

treacle said...

I dont know what to say except I'm thinking of you and I hope that everything will work out for yours and Scotts best. xx

M said...

oh my god, this sounds like a lot of hard work though it's good that he has someone to support him through this. Will he consider AA or something like that?

Bexxie said...

I can't help but wonder if this guy needs a mother like figure in his life 24/7.. I mean .. would he survive on his own?

I don't want to sound like a wet blanket but shouldn't you guys be out there having fun, eating out, movies, dating instead of having to deal with this shit.

Props to ya girl!

Lpeg said...

Goodluck with this Sarah. I hope he kicks this - you've finally found someone who, besides his drinking, is fantastic, and I would hate to see him ruin things.

xx fingers crossed xx

SuvvyGirl said...

I am glad he's taking steps to quit. That's an important thing. We are all addicts of something wheather we know it or not just unfortunately some of us aren't addicted to the greatest things. Maybe you could turn him into a chocoholic :)

>*;* said...

xx fingers crossed xx

kristin b said...

you're in my thoughts a lot right now. i hope everything's going okay. it's iffy happens sometimes even with the best of things.

AmyD said...

I'm slowly realizing that you are writing about this after the fact, and that they are obviously three parts to this story. When you went quiet for a while and I wondered if you were OK, was it then that you were dealing with all of this? I really hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel, and that there was/is a good ending. I really have high hopes for you both...and am so proud of you for being so open and honest to him, yourself, AND us. Hang in there, girl. (((HUGS)))

Diane Mandy said...

Sarah, this is the first time I've read your blog (found you via M) and I admire you for being so open about this issue in your life with Scott. I'm not one to put my nose in where it's not been invited, but it sure sounds to me that your fellow needs outside help. You are a strong woman, of this I am sure, but this problem may need more than your strength, love, and support. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Al Anon. Please, Al Anon. You have to hear from other people who are being told the same crap that you are where it goes from here. "It's dangerous to stop all at once." And you didn't burst out laughing??

Al Anon. It will help you understand what you can and cannot do. And it will help you figure out what is truly crap that you shouldn't be listening to.

Try ONE meeting. Please.

dont eat the token said...

Sorry, I'm frustrated. For you.

I dated Alcoholic Paul. He always told me he thought I was the most amazing person he knew. He was lucky to be with me. He shouted out in public how much he dug me.

And he drank all the time. He couldn't handle responsibility. He didn't have a car. I drove him to work every day. He blamed it all on his mom.

He would hook me into picking him up at the bar because that night I could drive him to a potential apartment. I was so desperate for him to move out that I did it. And I'd have to watch him drink just one more (pitcher) and then at 2am when we finally left some guy's apartment he'd cry so hard he couldn't get into the car.

I didn't love him so I don't know how hard these decisions could become for you.

One night he held me down on the floor when I tried calling 9-1-1 because he wouldn't leave my house.

I'm waving a red flag. My aunt told me if I didn't kick him out "now" that he'd never leave. That it would get harder the longer he stayed.

It wasn't my job to make him a sober, responsible person. My life had become whatever his whim was.

I don't want you to keep nursing your life because someone who's awesome is also addicted to alcohol.

I'm sorry, I know I'm being a bit negative. I just worry. Thank you for sharing your life with us, and I'm glad you have so many people here to share with!

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'm impressed by you, by your writing and especially your sharing this here. Just know I'm thinking of you both and hoping that he is able to conquer this- even if it takes an intervention like the one on Brothers and Sisters... (oh how I love that show).


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